Possible bp mother in law?

[Depression = 72% of members]

My mother in law recently moved near us after living a few states away. Many things were off before she moved here but Since she has been here I feel like I have been in a hurricane or hit by a train. She lies about EVERYTHING and manipulates everyone around her. She will not let us out from under her financially its like she wants us to be dependent on her... . Yet she has no money and just filed for bankruptcy. When we try to break away she cuts us down and freaks out. The car we were driving which she said was paid off was just repossessed... . I was traumatized as I have two small children. We also found out she has taken out student loans and credit cards in my husbands name that he doesn't know about. At that point we decided enough is enough and were going to move away from her financially. I let her watch our kids last night as a last attempt to show her we can still have a relationship... . My 8 month old son became really ill in the night and into today and my older son told me that my mil fed the baby ice cream when she knows that he has been diagnosed with a milk protein allergy and cannot tolerate dairy. She even sent me a video of him chewing on a spoon as if she wanted me to ask are you feeding him ice cream? But I didn't buy into it. I was really hoping she just gave him a spoon to play with. This is my last straw... . This is my kids health and she had to sacrifice that to what? Prove I am wrong? Get under my skin? No idea. She cannot take the good with the bad in people. We are either on her good side or we are horrible people... . And when we are on her good side she has no boundaries. She also has changed careers almost every year and lies about having a phd. She constantly antagonizes me... . I don't get into it however she doesn't do it in front of my husband... . As if she knows how to manipulate so I look like the bad one. Does this sound like BPD? My husband it seems is scared of her and to confront her is pointless as she just screams and degrades him. She is constantly unstable and I never know what mood she will be in... . Yet she is high functioning and can fool many people when first meeting her. I just don't even know what to do but it cannot go on like this.

[Sesmco]

My mother in law recently moved near us after living a few states away. Many things were off before she moved here but Since she has been here I feel like I have been in a hurricane or hit by a train. She lies about EVERYTHING and manipulates everyone around her. She will not let us out from under her financially its like she wants us to be dependent on her... . Yet she has no money and just filed for bankruptcy. When we try to break away she cuts us down and freaks out. The car we were driving which she said was paid off was just repossessed... . I was traumatized as I have two small children. We also found out she has taken out student loans and credit cards in my husbands name that he doesn't know about. At that point we decided enough is enough and were going to move away from her financially. I let her watch our kids last night as a last attempt to show her we can still have a relationship... . My 8 month old son became really ill in the night and into today and my older son told me that my mil fed the baby ice cream when she knows that he has been diagnosed with a milk protein allergy and cannot tolerate dairy. She even sent me a video of him chewing on a spoon as if she wanted me to ask are you feeding him ice cream? But I didn't buy into it. I was really hoping she just gave him a spoon to play with. This is my last straw... . This is my kids health and she had to sacrifice that to what? Prove I am wrong? Get under my skin? No idea. She cannot take the good with the bad in people. We are either on her good side or we are horrible people... . And when we are on her good side she has no boundaries. She also has changed careers almost every year and lies about having a phd. She constantly antagonizes me... . I don't get into it however she doesn't do it in front of my husband... . As if she knows how to manipulate so I look like the bad one. Does this sound like BPD? My husband it seems is scared of her and to confront her is pointless as she just screams and degrades him. She is constantly unstable and I never know what mood she will be in... . Yet she is high functioning and can fool many people when first meeting her. I just don't even know what to do but it cannot go on like this.

[Murbay]

Hi Sesmco

I am so sorry to hear about the issues you are having with your MIL and understand the frustrations you are feeling right now. It is a very difficult position to be in, especially when she is using finances and the children to gain an element of control.

What is your husbands stance on the situation? I know you spoke about some things he isn't aware of but what would he do if he was aware?

You talked about your son having allergies, how severe are his allergies?

When a family member has BPD, the illness can negatively everyone in the family system, including children, siblings, and in-laws. Senior members on the [L5]  Coping and Healing from a BPD Parent, Sibling, or Inlaw board are experienced with and can help you with setting boundaries, finding relief from FOG, encouraging self-care, improving your handling of relationships impacted by your BPD relative, and pursuing a path of recovery from traumatic experiences. The validation, information, and support will give you strength on your journey.

Further to this, I would like to share some tools with you that may help you understand a little more about your situation and most importantly to help you gain some balance back in your life.

BOUNDARIES: Upholding our values and independence

BPD: What is it? How can I tell?

The Symptoms and Diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder [NEW]

The first link is to help you set boundaries to stay healthy and the last 2 are to help you with figuring out if you are dealing with a pwBPD.

My concern right now is what she is doing with the children as that was something I experienced with my own MIL so I do understand your concerns. I would encourage you to post more about your story on the Healing board because we have some wonderful members who will be able to give you more of an insight as well as guide and support you. The important thing for you is to keep yourself and your children healthy 

[Grey Kitty]

  Sesmco,

You just got a lot of good information from Murbay here... . I hope it helps.

I just wanted to say hi, and throw in another $.02 for you:

You say your husband is scared of her. Is he otherwise in agreement with you about the problems his mother is causing?

Also, if your financial connection to her is complicated and difficult to sever, especially if legal issues show up, you may need some help with that. You will get better input on those problems over on our legal board. (Don't let the name throw you--they've got more experience with legal issues of all sorts over there)

Leaving Board: Family law, divorce and custody

Good luck

 GK