What does this change mean?

[janey62]

My pwBPD recently showed me anger, shouted in my face, threw (soft) things around and smashed a picture (once I had left the house), then stormed off into the night.  This is different.  In the past he has been cold, told me calmly that I had pissed him off or that something had, told me calmly that he was leaving and packed and left, deaf to my pleas and upset and attempts to get him to stay and talk it over.  :)oes anyone have any insight into what the change means?

This incident led to his getting drunk, refusing to come home and threatening to sleep out (in sub zero conditions) so I called the police who having found him talked to him for a while and then decided to take him to a psych hospital on the Mental Health Act because he was incoherent but said he was suicidal.  He was assessed at the hospital and discharged later that night.  I guess he sobered up and came to his senses.

Since then I think he's been a bit shocked, though he says he's glad and grateful that I called the police.  It did mean however that he got an appointment pretty quickly with a psychiatrist locally.  He had one where he was living, but since moving here they've fobbed him off with a social worker.  

I am walking on eggshells a bit since then and also very actively trying to validate him whenever possible - it shocked me too!

Does anyone recognise this shift?

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[Grey Kitty]

Dunno about the shift. To me it sounds like he was a little closer to experiencing his own difficult feelings in that episode than his prior behavior. I'd say that shifts in that direction are required to heal and improve.

Honestly, I'd not worry too much about it, unless it becomes part of a larger trend, either to be more violent (worrying) or more in touch with his feelings (hopeful).

I'd focus instead on what YOU did.

His behavior was completely unmanageable. You called police who got him under the care of people who can do more for him than you can.

That was excellent work on your part! Pat yourself on the back a couple times!

He may later blame you instead of thanking you for your actions here. In this case, it is YOUR judgement and YOUR moral compass you were following, not his, and you did it right. Don't let him convince you otherwise!

[janey62]

Thanks Kitty,

I'm thinking it was the latter, he is getting more in touch with his feelings.  I hope!   

He has said he understands why I called the Police and that it was the right thing to do.  I was so worried when I realised they were taking him to the hospital.  He said he would have done the same though and is grateful because they prevented him from harming himself.  He is a retired Police Officer so actually found it very comforting being cared for by them.

Taking things one day at a time at the moment... .