I'm frustrated, I can't lean on her right now.

[Grey Kitty]

I've mentioned before that my wife seems to have cured the self-hatred at the core of her BPD.

I've got something to add:

We just uprooted our lives and went through a lot of stressful stuff in the last 36 hours.

I think she started to fall apart around 12 hours ago, and she's wallowing in it again.

It isn't full-blown dysregulation.

She isn't blaming me for everything. She's not projecting everything onto me, although I'm getting more of it than I like.

She even took a time-out herself before I had a chance to!

And to be honest, I'm under stress myself and not at my best and most validating, and even did say something pretty stupid.

I hope, perhaps even expect her to get grounded and find herself in a couple days, but as of now I've got no real external support available (besides here!) , and neither does she, and I'm frustrated because I had gotten pretty used to thinking that I could lean on her when I needed it and support her when she needed it in an evenly balanced way, and it just isn't working that way right now.

Thanks for letting me vent a bit.

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[Grey Kitty]

I guess I am really frustrated because I got used to not always having to be the strong supportive one all the time for a while, and feel blindsided to be back there for a day and being blamed for stuff too.

I hope she recovers her center soon... . and I hope I get back on my game soon too.

[zaqsert]

Hi Grey Kitty,

I'm sorry you're going through this.  It does suck to have to be the strong supportive one all the time.

Is there anything you can do to get even a little bit of GK time to regroup and recenter?

I know it's not the same, but as you said, we're here to help support you.  And man, do we owe you! 

 

zaqsert

[committed]

I understand completely what you're saying. And, unfortunately, I think that is the norm for people with BPD. I've learned that I can't really count on him my BPDbf to help me make major decisions and it can really be difficult at times. For example, this year I decided to purchase a house and even though he lives with me, I couldn't get him to look at any houses online and nearly had to beg him to look at houses with me. Then, he would express no opinion whatsoever and his response was always "whatever you want to do... . " It was so exasperating! I know that he didn't have a lot of stake in it since I was buying with my money, but it was our home and I valued his opinion. So different than when I was married and me and my husband made all those decisions together.

I wish you luck with whatever it is that is stressing you right now. Hope all gets better soon.

[arabella]

Sorry to hear you're in a fuddle, GK.  

Sounds like you and your wife both need support at the same time - that makes it tough, even without the added BPD factor. I'll send some positive vibes out in your direction to add to your wish for your wife to find her balance soon!

Let us know if we can help in any way. Even if you just need to vent some more or want a few extra    s!

[Chosen]

Hugs to you, Grey Kitty.  I know how frustrating it can be when you have to be the strong and level-headed one, even when you're down/ frustrated/ going through a rough time which both of you are going through.

But it's fortunate she isn't totally dysregulated... . hopefully she will get better and calmer in the coming times.

[Grey Kitty]

Thanks for all the  's.

Today the universe has proved again to me that these moods do pass. I was feeling better about it by yesterday afternoon.

We both got something better than re-hashing old or new fights done by then too... . even if it was less than we wanted to get done.

Today she woke up and wasn't in her horrible funk anymore. Today will be a much better day all around.

And I'm delighted that she really has reached the point where she doesn't go fully dysregulated and really believe that I (or somebody else) is the source of all her uncomfortable feelings.

[briefcase]

Glad to hear that things are coming back around and today is better.  I know how it feels to have the rug pulled out from under your feet (even temporarily) after a long stretch of "good." 

[zaqsert]

Glad to hear, GK!