Victim and Entitled question.

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

I don't want to go into my full story I've done that enough.

My ex moved out last week and pretty much took everything of any value to me. Some things I told her she could have and some things she just took. I've also bent over backwards to make sure that she had everything to make her deposits and get situated.

I don't mind the stuff. Its just stuff and I can and will replace it. Its probably better that I won't have everything reminding me of her around the house. I don't mind the money I did that more for her kids than her.

What does bug me is the self justification and entitled attitude she has. No gratitude what so ever. I don't know why I should hope for anything different. The attitude is exactly like that of a spoiled child. I know this and have known thats how she acts for a while but its still just dumbfounding. Its hard to keep remembering that I did the best I could by her and her kids kept my responsibilities and then some when I keep getting treated like a door mat.

I'm pretty sure its common enough BPD behavior that some of you have felt the same way. Can anyone else share their experience and or how they handled a situation similar?

[ObiRedKenobi]

I don't want to go into my full story I've done that enough.

My ex moved out last week and pretty much took everything of any value to me. Some things I told her she could have and some things she just took. I've also bent over backwards to make sure that she had everything to make her deposits and get situated.

I don't mind the stuff. Its just stuff and I can and will replace it. Its probably better that I won't have everything reminding me of her around the house. I don't mind the money I did that more for her kids than her.

What does bug me is the self justification and entitled attitude she has. No gratitude what so ever. I don't know why I should hope for anything different. The attitude is exactly like that of a spoiled child. I know this and have known thats how she acts for a while but its still just dumbfounding. Its hard to keep remembering that I did the best I could by her and her kids kept my responsibilities and then some when I keep getting treated like a door mat.

I'm pretty sure its common enough BPD behavior that some of you have felt the same way. Can anyone else share their experience and or how they handled a situation similar?

[lockedout]

I can relate to that. We were very different in our spending habits. She does financial work but has no real common sense on day-to-day finances. Her attitude is that if the salesman said we could afford the monthly payment, we can afford the monthly payment. It doesn't matter that there nothing left on the back end to enjoy life or in case of an emergency. She thought nothing of her shopping sprees or going out leaving me home with our son. When I got to stressed out from being on my own with our son all day, she put him in school telling me I'll just need to get a second job. I never did, in part because I'd be spread too thin, but I don't believe in creating bills that require a second job. That's living as a slave to the banks, not as a human being. I had already owned a condo at the time we bought our house (and luckily for 10 years before we were married and it's mine only to this day). When I told her we should refinance it, she immediately shot that idea since it was almost paid off; ummm because I'm conservative and believe in mitigating debt... . Payments were high because of the original and outdated loan term but left nothing for a rainy day (like a Cat 5 hurricane that could wipe out the rental business - tends to happen to beachfront property in south Florida on occasion) .

For now, my bills are strung super thin - living in the condo I once counted on for rental income. She has no regard for how much I'm running in the red. I'm trying to re-finance now and she's defiant over giving me the stuff I need to do that. Probably hates the idea of me having any financial peace of mind. If this re-fi deal comes through, my story of how it'll be handled is just beginning. If not, I hope the condo sells soon!

[gallerykey]

My ex had been out of work for the last 10 months of our r/s. During that time I paid for everything from food to clothes, his cigarettes to our holiday. I must of bought him nearly everything he had as he just couldnt make his benefits stretch that far. When he left he took everything i gave him, along with my stuff too (dvds, games, tools, my ring!) I think a part of this is the fact he knew i would contact him to ask for it back, i now dont bother but really i dont think they see it as wrong, in their child mind they can have what they want. I then found out just at the end he had a huge lump sum of benefit money and his tax rebate totalling around £2000 and still couldnt give a penny to anyone else (and since has spent it all!)

As much as i try to hold onto ALL the wrongs and bads they still get under our skin

[seeking balance]

What does bug me is the self justification and entitled attitude she has. No gratitude what so ever. I don't know why I should hope for anything different. The attitude is exactly like that of a spoiled child. I know this and have known thats how she acts for a while but its still just dumbfounding. Its hard to keep remembering that I did the best I could by her and her kids kept my responsibilities and then some when I keep getting treated like a door mat.

I'm pretty sure its common enough BPD behavior that some of you have felt the same way. Can anyone else share their experience and or how they handled a situation similar?

I know it is hard to feel like we don't matter or that what we did was not enough.

Gratitude is tough when someone doesn't have a stable sense of self.  She is simply surviving in the best way she knows. 

I can remember feeling exhausted and violated by how much stuff my ex thought she was entitled to during our divorce... . it was never enough and somehow the stuff now seemed more important than me - that feeling sucked.

Keep focused on you and your recovery - you can only take care of you now.