I don't understand what is going on :(

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

A week and a half ago uBPDbf (been together a year) told me that he wanted to marry me, move in, etc... . he seemed to withdraw in the days after that but he said he was swamped with work, etc... .   Flash forward to this past Friday. He texts and invites me to dinner/spend the night (I live an hour away) then follows it up by saying that I would have to leave after breakfast because he had "stuff to do" and we might do dinner later that night. (I felt that was weird).

The night was ok-we were with another couple so we didn't get to talk much but it was ok. The next morning I left as I was told. He called me on my way home (was OVERLY nice and he never calls which is odd)... then texted me some very cute things... then stopped. I waited a couple of hours and texted and invited him to come for dinner... . nothing... . then suggested if he was too busy we could do something the next day... nothing.  He ignored me telling him good night, ignored my text Sunday morning... . and still I have heard nothing. This morning I noticed he has he relationship status hidden on FB although if you look on his page, you can see it listed on his main page as a life event, so its not totally blocked. He changed his profile picture to a TV character (weird!)  I decided to call him today to see what was going on and he did not answer nor has he acknowledged the call... So I have heard nothing from him in 2 days now. WTH is going on?  Usually when he breaks up with me, it is dramatic... he unfriends me and blocks me on FB. I don't get this and I don't know what to do

[sadinnc98]

A week and a half ago uBPDbf (been together a year) told me that he wanted to marry me, move in, etc... . he seemed to withdraw in the days after that but he said he was swamped with work, etc... .   Flash forward to this past Friday. He texts and invites me to dinner/spend the night (I live an hour away) then follows it up by saying that I would have to leave after breakfast because he had "stuff to do" and we might do dinner later that night. (I felt that was weird).

The night was ok-we were with another couple so we didn't get to talk much but it was ok. The next morning I left as I was told. He called me on my way home (was OVERLY nice and he never calls which is odd)... then texted me some very cute things... then stopped. I waited a couple of hours and texted and invited him to come for dinner... . nothing... . then suggested if he was too busy we could do something the next day... nothing.  He ignored me telling him good night, ignored my text Sunday morning... . and still I have heard nothing. This morning I noticed he has he relationship status hidden on FB although if you look on his page, you can see it listed on his main page as a life event, so its not totally blocked. He changed his profile picture to a TV character (weird!)  I decided to call him today to see what was going on and he did not answer nor has he acknowledged the call... So I have heard nothing from him in 2 days now. WTH is going on?  Usually when he breaks up with me, it is dramatic... he unfriends me and blocks me on FB. I don't get this and I don't know what to do

[dotSlash]

A few times I have went to bed thinking everything was 100% okay and awoken to see I'm listed as single on fb. I asked why and was told something like "i just can't deal with love and you right now... last night I wanted to talk with you and you went out with your friends without even asking me, you selfish prick." (I told her a week in advanced I would be going out). That's one example. Basically you probably did something to set him off without even knowing it, or something completely unrelated to you did, and it was projected onto you and your relationship. Either that or he did something impulsive and regrettable and wants to avoid you because of it

[sadinnc98]

Do you think that since he text on Friday was prefaced "You have to leave after breakfast"... that this was going downhill before I even got there on Saturday? I kinda had a feeling he was up to no good on Saturday night...

[dotSlash]

You shouldn't make any assumptions but also shouldn't let something like this torment you. If anything did happen, you can move on knowing you deserve better. And if he decides to tell you what's up and where you stand, you can go from there. Until then just make sure that you are happy, and do things for yourself and your life.

[sadinnc98]

So hard to live life in limbo like this... .

[dotSlash]

I know what you mean. I've always found it strange how my BPD gf can treat a relationship like a TV, where she can just turn it on or off depending on her mood. Whereas someone like me treats a relationship as something strong, well built, and something you enjoy unconditionally and always. Remember you always have the option to end things if you feel it won't make you happy, but if you feel its worth it, stick it out and remember that it's not your fault.

[sadinnc98]

Its hard not to think that it's not my fault. I have pored over  every detail trying to see if I can figure out what is going on. I just don't get it... . I guess that is the nature of this beast.

[MammaMia]

Sadinnc

Stop beating yourself up.  Yes, this is the true nature of the beast.  It could be as simple as the fact he really is busy, or maybe he is having a little anxiety over your discussion about living together and/or marriage.

Give him some space.  See what happens.

[sadinnc98]

Found him on a dating website just now... . nice.  Guess I know what is going on... . Im not even going to confront him about that. I am just done.

[eternity75]

Sadinnc, you are not very far along in this relationship. Sorry to say, but being "done" sooner is better than later. I'm sure many who are married to pwBPD can attest to this. I stayed 8 months and just broke it off, and the entire 8 months was like what you describe. Constantly questioning the relationship, what did I do wrong, why is he constantly seeking attention from other women, why do I keep finding him on dating sites when just the day before he was professing his love for me or talking about marriage and kids with me? The questions never end.

You are not alone in this. Know that it is NOT you... . and you cannot change or fix him. You can only change yourself.