My journey how is yours going?

[snappafcw]

Hi guys first of all many blessings to you and I hope you are all doing well with your personal growth and recovery thinking of all of you.

It is now 8 months out since my exuBPDgf left me. I've gone through all the stages sometimes more than once. Faced my own shortcomings and now I am at the point where I'm treating the situation like a death. I loved her very much. I still do but I lost her I guess it's as simple as that. After all the crummy things she did to me I can forgive her now. I still carry a lot of hurt but my feelings for my ex are only warm and I wish nothing more than for her happiness and to take accountability for her issues one day. Knowing she is gone forever has been bringing a tear to my eye lately but I'm embracing the emotions and not running from them. I guess the hard part for me is my feelings of worthlessness still as I gave her the best of what I had at the time and it was thrown back in my face. I understand its the illness and I am not going to get the closure I deserve but my self worth is still the biggest issue but I'm doing all the right things to try and fix that. I hope i find love one day but I still see it as just something that happens to other people... .

How are you all going in your own journeys

Much Love x

[eeyore]

what are some of the things you are doing for your self worth? 

I've been exercising and am having a new professional photo made for my work.  I found a gym that I have new friends and the vibe is absolutely exuberant and infectious.   My work has been steady and enjoyable.  I'm learning better communication skills every day. 

I look forward to hearing what everyone else does or is doing?

[Trick1004]

It has been a little over twelve weeks for me since my ex bailed. I think all things considered I have been moving through this experience fairly well. The first couple of weeks were the worst experience of my life, but the way she broke it off with me I threw up some huge boundaries instantly that I refused to allow her to cross and have helped me avoid any face to face contact with her. It was almost like some deep self-preservation mechanism kicked in on my part the night she ended it.

Early on we exchanged a few texts, emails, and letters about her moving her stuff out and me leaving one letter of how I wished her the best, wanted her to be happy, and enjoyed a lot of the 3 years I spent with her. She hopes we can meet to talk and wants to remain friends. I don't think the friends part is anything I am willing to try anytime soon and won't meet with her unless she gives me some worthwhile, honest, and heartfelt reason to.

It's been largely NC for the past six weeks and I've been hitting the gym, been really busy with work, reconnecting with old friends and family I'd been neglecting for the past few years, and in general have been enjoying coming home everyday without the anxious feeling I had towards the end of the r/s of her.

It sucks and still hurts not having her with me, I truly did love her. I am realizing though that I was emotionally exhausted towards the end and had nothing left to give. That energy is coming back and I can choose where to deploy it now towards things that add to my life, instead of sucking it away. 

[snappafcw]

Well I've been working on Both my music career and my side business and I am blessed right now as both have taken off which is a little personal victory for me because towards the end my ex basically made out I was a bum who didn't make enough money and it still hurts me because I spoilt her and gave her everything (i think she mirrored herself on me) I walk everyday but I do need to go back to the gym I'm just really drained from all the work I'm doing. I have to admit though I'm not eating the best and i do drink a little too much. I need a more productive way to relax... . Im still trying to cope.

[Scout99]

I think I am doing ok for the moment at least... . About two weeks now of NC and everything said and done, so to speak... . I am sad at times, going through the grieving process. But since I figured out pretty early on in our relationship about him with all probability being BPD, I knew pretty much what I was in for... . (This since I have been in a long r/s with a man who had NPD that broke me as a person a lot more, and after that I did some extensive work on myself and am still in therapy).

I never really broke any of my boundaries with this guy and apart from a lot of recycling, which is to be expected in r/s like these, he did not really treat med very badly. At least not with any intent to do so. And I have managed to find some comfort in understanding that none of the bad parts were personal against me. But instead more proof as to how tormented he is from his mental disorder... .

I miss him a lot still, and I miss the good times and the intense love that we shared. But I know that the way things are, it would not have been able to survive, no matter what I would have done... . His perception of the 2,5 hour drive distance between us was the deal breaker for him, and even though I from my perspective of being of a sound mind, did not share his problem with that, I do understand it was for him. To him the separation anxiety simply became too painful. And I have to accept that, since that is his truth.

I cope through going about my own business. I am currently a student in the uni here and term is about to start, and I have some stuff to deal with before that keeping me busy, when my feelings try to get the better off me... .

Even though I have not put up any "rule" for myself about NC, I am still hesitant to break that, since I am not really interested in being his "friend" due to the much stronger feelings I have for him. So I am a bit on the fence at this moment... . His birthday is coming up, tomorrow... . And he turns 40. So a part of me feels that it would be civil of me to send him at least a birthday wish. However I also know this is a time when he in all likelihood will feel a bit lonely, even though he probably has some family and friends lining up... . But is not in the place where I know he would have liked to be at this time... . So there is also the risk of setting off some unwanted disregulation that might spill off on me if I do... .

So I am on the fence... .

If you guys have some input you would like to share with me on this, feel free... . I don't however want it to steer away from this threads topic that I find to be a very good one!

Best Wishes

Scout99

[Undone123]

I'm reading about Radical Acceptence, and I want to radically accept everything... . I want my ex back! But can't reach out as she said if I contact her again the police will be visiting!

Done absolutely loads of journaling which is really helping. Reading Pro BPD and anti BPD websites etc. To be honest I don't like how this disorder is being vilified!

Mindfulness, journaling, talking... . the three things!

[Undone123]

I have a lot of unresolved anger from the ex - So reading Radical Acceptence by Tara Brach. Worth a read - but it might make you view things differently.