My resentment over his "space" on Bank Holiday Weekend

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hi guys,

Things have been going pretty well with my uBPDbf and I have been practically living at his the last three weeks. He also has his first psychiatrist assessment appt this week. As expected a request for some space from him after this closeness came up. He wanted some time alone / with friends etc (he was still seeing his friends anyway though) but there was a small "push" from him to ensure he got the space.

Its a been a 3 day holiday weekend here and on a weekend where lots of couples I know make plans together I am getting the opposite (I know that sounds martyred but it's a fact)  Last afternoon of the weekend now and I have pinged him a text ref potentially getting together later. No response as yet.

My question is what do I do with the resentment I feel over this?

I guess this all comes under radical acceptance that this is who he is and he isnt going to change. This is what I have knowingly signed up for etc etc. I am finding the resentment hard to deal with sometimes. I haven't gone into a tailspin over this and have used some techniques to help myself. I have been for nights out, seen my friends and sorted some personal things out. Woke up today though and ... . bam... . "Hello Resentment!... . "

I have told him previousley I want to have a date in the diary when we next see each other esp when he wants some space. He didnt used to do this and it drove me NUTS. He has been trying and succeeding in doing this a lot better since the chat. On this occassion though he didnt make a date for next seeing each other as he said he didnt know. So I am resentful for the space and him slipping back into an old pattern of not setting a date in the diary. He was a bit dysregulated too.

Think I need a reminder on how to deal with my feelings! Thought I was doing ok - making my own plans etc etc. But the resentment has popped up today and don't know what to do with it.

[connect]

Hi guys,

Things have been going pretty well with my uBPDbf and I have been practically living at his the last three weeks. He also has his first psychiatrist assessment appt this week. As expected a request for some space from him after this closeness came up. He wanted some time alone / with friends etc (he was still seeing his friends anyway though) but there was a small "push" from him to ensure he got the space.

Its a been a 3 day holiday weekend here and on a weekend where lots of couples I know make plans together I am getting the opposite (I know that sounds martyred but it's a fact)  Last afternoon of the weekend now and I have pinged him a text ref potentially getting together later. No response as yet.

My question is what do I do with the resentment I feel over this?

I guess this all comes under radical acceptance that this is who he is and he isnt going to change. This is what I have knowingly signed up for etc etc. I am finding the resentment hard to deal with sometimes. I haven't gone into a tailspin over this and have used some techniques to help myself. I have been for nights out, seen my friends and sorted some personal things out. Woke up today though and ... . bam... . "Hello Resentment!... . "

I have told him previousley I want to have a date in the diary when we next see each other esp when he wants some space. He didnt used to do this and it drove me NUTS. He has been trying and succeeding in doing this a lot better since the chat. On this occassion though he didnt make a date for next seeing each other as he said he didnt know. So I am resentful for the space and him slipping back into an old pattern of not setting a date in the diary. He was a bit dysregulated too.

Think I need a reminder on how to deal with my feelings! Thought I was doing ok - making my own plans etc etc. But the resentment has popped up today and don't know what to do with it.

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[allibaba]

Connect!  I think that you are doing an amazing job.  Radical acceptance doesn't mean that you are perfect... . some days are better than others.

Just being able to recognize the situation and not react to him... . is a massive step.  He doesn't need to know that you are feeling the resentment.

Hope this helps! 

[connect]

Thanks Alibaba  

Really appreciated your reply   and really needed to hear that!

After I wrote this post I had a bit of a mini meltdown myself and luckily one of my lovely BPD knowledgable friends helped bring me out of it. Spiralling negative thoughts blah blah ... . It shocked me that i was doing so well and then went to the dark place. It is to be expected isnt it that we arent perfect?

Eventually he texted back. I suggested meeting up tonight or tomorrow night. My friend said tonight wouldnt be so good as I was not in the best frame of mind and I do agree with her. He said tomorrow so at least its booked in. He doesnt know that I struggled with this today (but was ok last 2 days) - kept it up and light...

I need to work on a few things around taking care of my own emotions - I was tired and hungry so that hasnt helped. I feel better now as have eaten and will have an early night. Wow this is hard sometimes. Still his appt is on Weds and I can look up some cbt techniques to challenge my thinking patterns tonight.

[connect]

How funny... .

As I posted he just called me. Told me he had had a "blip" but he feels much better now and he asked me to come over to sleep there tonight. He seems to feel bad about the push and the space. I was all chearful on the phone as I had resolved some stuff today with my friend and the boards help and reading. Without this board I don't know what I would do sometimes!

[Scarlet Phoenix]

I'm glad you worked you're way out of the funk 

You're definitely onto something when talking about getting enough sleep and eating right.