Fear of Rejection and Odd FB "Behavior"

[lipstick]

Hello all,

Haven't posted in quite some time. Been trying to work on my personal "issues", plus my job has me working long, exhausting hours (yay!). My story in a nutshell - BPDex dumped me on October 2, 2012. I'm almost at the one-year mark of NC save for a brief exchange in February over a financial matter (where he told me the next morning in a text message to basically never contact him again) and a weird acting-out on FB from him in April (an "anniversary" month of sorts for us). I did not respond to the FB weirdness.

I do check his FB page from time to time. I know, I know. What has me puzzled is the complete lack of postings from him since the demise of our relationship. No - he doesn't have anything set to "private". We are no longer FB "friends" as I shut that down immediately following the D&:) in October. He has never blocked me (even though I begged him to in the aftermath of the breakup) nor I him as I did stay away from his FB page for a long while.


Anyway - he used to be quite active on FB prior to our breakup. Posting funny stuff, articles relating to his place of business, lots of things about his oldest son who he is extremely proud of, etc... Now - nada. There have been several important events in his life since he left me. Events that he normally would have bragged about to everyone! Most importantly - #1 son got married in May. HUGE event!  Nothing.at.all.  There have been (2) "shares" - one in June and one in July. No comments - just "shares". The June share was about someone that he had introduced me to, and that he knew I would be happy to see the good news about this person. The July share was just something silly related to cats. I am a HUGE cat lover and have four that shared our home with us that he was very fond of.

In August I had a small get-together at my home and posted about that on FB. It included a specific reference to something we had enjoyed as a couple. Nothing big. Just a "shout out" to the lovely friends that had spent time with me that evening. This was on a Sunday evening.  The next day - a mutual friend commented that the ex must have been "triggered" by my post because he began posting numerous "shares" of nonsense and a couple of pics of #1 son.  ? 

I acknowledge that I haven't completely detached from him and that I absolutely ruminate too much about the whole situation - but I guess my question is -  can this behavior be due to how unhappy he is ?  And is their fear of rejection so strong that they are incapable of reaching out to us in a normal fashion?

Your thoughts / opinions would be so helpful.  Thanks!

[Tessaking]

Hi lipstick, yes absolutely.

I endured many strange fb behaviours from me ex after our break up. He subsequently blocked me. However in my recent encounter with him, I soon found out that he has still been checking up on me a year on and even when he was in another relationship.

My behaviour or infact even the slightest reminder if me seems to trigger him into doing all sorts of strange things. However, fb has always weekend to be his release. That's where he gets rid of his emotion.

I have also realised following my encounter with him that, yes. They find it almost Impossible to reach out. My ex said he thought I hated him... .Just like everyone else does.

And despite him clearly being in a bad place and desperately in pain (over me, I think) he still won't reach out.

Someone once said that I think they have to hit rock bottom before they cry for help.

It's very sad. But if your ex is anything like mine ... .Take peace in the fact that despite what you may think ... .You are certainly in his thoughts.

T x

[lipstick]

Hi Tessaking,

Thank you for your response and thoughts on their funky behavior. It is truly bizarre. I've shed many tears over this man over the course of a year. I've come a long way in terms of my own healing. Not 100% there yet - but a damn sight better than I was just a few months ago! 

I'm so sorry for what you must have been through. No one understands a "BPD Breakup" unless they've experienced it firsthand.

One of the things that has bothered me most was the whole "out of sight, out of mind" thing. That we can just be forgotten and no longer exist. I think with the behavior both of our exes have displayed - it's pretty clear we do cross their minds frequently. Mine is still married to an abusive alcoholic. He did not hold up his end of the deal by getting divorced. I did. When he lost his job in October of last year (not his fault), he panicked and went running back to the wife / home. Never split me black, yet never explained his actions to me. Never told me what I did to cause him to leave. When he sent me a text message in February - he stated that he had an "obligation" to his family to make his marriage work and that he could no longer do the underground relationship with me.  Mind you - this now from the man who was supposed to be divorcing, had asked me to marry him, and wanted to have a child with me. NOW he has an "obligation"  to his family. His two sons are grown and one is recently married. WTH?

Anyhow - the FB behavior (him shutting down and never posting), the acting-out in April, and the recent stuff in August - shows that he is keeping tabs on me and that he does occasionally think about me. I guess that is as close to closure as I'm ever going to get. BPD sux.       Thanks again for your thoughts on my ramblings!