sorry your dealing with this hand in there it gets better.
recycling is a tricking thing to grasp but its sound like you have been recycling with her. when you were apart before did she have other men then?
are you wanting her to recycle again?
have you taken a look at yourself and why you go back?
She did not have other men when we were apart/separated not in the 8 years we were together, that is to say until the last 8 months of the relationship. She was detaching, planning and had an exit relationship.
So she secretly started seeking another man a couple of months after the last separation. During this separation we had gone to couples counseling again and this is where she had brought up D, but in a manner where she was serious.
This is the first time we have broken up, are legally separated and living in separate homes. The divorce papers on either side are not drawn up yet. She was really deflecting divorce talks when she is the one that wanted to initiate the divorce in the first place, if that makes sense. I think that that falls into fear of abandonment or she's playing me to use me again if her bf doesn't work out. But it's been 7 months since she has left. I don't think he is ready to take the kids on fulltime (4) because she hinted at moving in with him, but she was asking to leave the kids with me in the evenings and the weekends. So she would move in with him in his house, but leave the kids with myself.
Do I want to be recycled again while or after she is in another committed relationship with another man. No. I took my vows seriously and that's a deal breaker for me. Do I want to get discarded again and be ignored like an 8 year r/s never existed, no. Do I want to feel this deep emotional pain again because of her, no. I'm not done grieving yet, but I'm not going through this again and her crazy making behaviors. I feel stronger day by day, NC really helps. I'll work on myself and find someone that doesn't just think that marriage and divorce are just papers.
I was going back to my wife when we were separated, because it was simply that, a break, reflect and reconcile and I was going back to keep the family together for the kids and trying something different to expect different results or success and neither happened. I got devalued and discarded.
In hindsight. I'm starting to think that from idealization to the first separation and reconciling was recycling, and every other separation was recycling as well if that makes any sense. But there were no extra-marital affairs on either side. Maybe emotional affairs with the ex? PA with this guy while we were still together for sure. Only one exit affair.
