My Ex is Not Working

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Yesterday was informed by my ex that she does not have a job.  She is a school teacher and her district is under a huge budget crunch – so she claims.  She has been fairly insulated from this as she is an AP calculus teacher which are in short supply.  Over the last two years, she, IMO, has convenienlty taken jobs that, one, don’t pay her going rate, two, have a cushy schedule that has her out early in time to pick up kids from schoola t 3:30.

The 3:30 pickup on my days has created issues for me. Primarily the added transtions for S6 and S8 and associated “I don’t want to go” type stuff.  I had fought this from the start bu the Custoyd Master allowed her to stipualte in the order that she can pick up the kids if she quits early as long as she informs me.  What this has turned into is exuBPD/NPD picking the kids up everyday, or even on my days telling school who is picking the kids up.  I have little control.  None of my support netwrok wants to pick the kids up from her.

So this year I had made arrangements to use school before/after care.  Tuesday, frist day, my day, I take the kids to school, she is there.  In front of S6’s teacher, she states that she will be picking the kids up, today and every day.   I had already told both teachers they were going to after care.  I tell her this won’t work and walk away sensing a situation arising.

After she sends e-mails to all teachers, the principal, that she is picking the kids up everday.  I talk to the after care people, tell her what will likle happen – and it does.  Mother shows up at school, demands acces through the front office, and practically gets physical with the principal.  I am puttinig the principal in touch with my attorney to recap.  All of this in front of S6. 

So up until this point exuBPD/NPD, just overnite, would shoot holes in using after care and justify her picking the kids up – they’re just sitting around in a hot, stinky cafeteria, they both have activites that convenietly start at 5pm that “I” will continue to take them to – “as we have in the last year.” 

The following day she infomrs me that, starts off with, “we need to amend support” and that she has not been reinstated with her last job.  She has no tneure anywhere as she isn’t able to stay anywhere more than a year.  In the e-mail she makes some statements that are just not true.  I have copies of her School Dist profile and it was just updated in July 2013, but did not inlcude her last three years of employment history of teaching.  People I know in the SD tell me – it doesn’t appear she is looking very hard if at all, for a job though this summer I have been told that a LOT of teachers have found jobs. 

Up until the “lay off” she was stating that she would be using a babysitter and picking the kids up.  Then, coincidentally, she finds out I have made the arrangements to allow my schedule to permit me to pick the kids up and drop off at school – not requiring her help – she is now without a job, but can pikcup and drop the kids off every day.  I smell a rat here.   

She’s getting  unemployment, has a live in boyfriend, and claims to be looking for work.  I know I can subpoena her job application history.  But what else can I do?   My fear is if she is successful in modifying support, she may never go back to work.         

[scraps66]

Yesterday was informed by my ex that she does not have a job.  She is a school teacher and her district is under a huge budget crunch – so she claims.  She has been fairly insulated from this as she is an AP calculus teacher which are in short supply.  Over the last two years, she, IMO, has convenienlty taken jobs that, one, don’t pay her going rate, two, have a cushy schedule that has her out early in time to pick up kids from schoola t 3:30.

The 3:30 pickup on my days has created issues for me. Primarily the added transtions for S6 and S8 and associated “I don’t want to go” type stuff.  I had fought this from the start bu the Custoyd Master allowed her to stipualte in the order that she can pick up the kids if she quits early as long as she informs me.  What this has turned into is exuBPD/NPD picking the kids up everyday, or even on my days telling school who is picking the kids up.  I have little control.  None of my support netwrok wants to pick the kids up from her.

So this year I had made arrangements to use school before/after care.  Tuesday, frist day, my day, I take the kids to school, she is there.  In front of S6’s teacher, she states that she will be picking the kids up, today and every day.   I had already told both teachers they were going to after care.  I tell her this won’t work and walk away sensing a situation arising.

After she sends e-mails to all teachers, the principal, that she is picking the kids up everday.  I talk to the after care people, tell her what will likle happen – and it does.  Mother shows up at school, demands acces through the front office, and practically gets physical with the principal.  I am puttinig the principal in touch with my attorney to recap.  All of this in front of S6. 

So up until this point exuBPD/NPD, just overnite, would shoot holes in using after care and justify her picking the kids up – they’re just sitting around in a hot, stinky cafeteria, they both have activites that convenietly start at 5pm that “I” will continue to take them to – “as we have in the last year.” 

The following day she infomrs me that, starts off with, “we need to amend support” and that she has not been reinstated with her last job.  She has no tneure anywhere as she isn’t able to stay anywhere more than a year.  In the e-mail she makes some statements that are just not true.  I have copies of her School Dist profile and it was just updated in July 2013, but did not inlcude her last three years of employment history of teaching.  People I know in the SD tell me – it doesn’t appear she is looking very hard if at all, for a job though this summer I have been told that a LOT of teachers have found jobs. 

Up until the “lay off” she was stating that she would be using a babysitter and picking the kids up.  Then, coincidentally, she finds out I have made the arrangements to allow my schedule to permit me to pick the kids up and drop off at school – not requiring her help – she is now without a job, but can pikcup and drop the kids off every day.  I smell a rat here.   

She’s getting  unemployment, has a live in boyfriend, and claims to be looking for work.  I know I can subpoena her job application history.  But what else can I do?   My fear is if she is successful in modifying support, she may never go back to work.         

[ForeverDad]

One of the fortunate things I made sure happened in my settlement was that my time was my time.  Another was that daycare was considered the same as school, she was not allowed to swoop in and snatch just because I wasn't there.  And my primary requirement to settle was that I was named the Residential Parent.  I think that hurt her the most but she was so possessive I felt it was a dire necessity.

And yes there were scenes.  My son actually got booted from her school (he was to complete kindergarten there for the rest of the school year) because she caused scenes when my daycare bus arrived to pick him up after school.  She tried to take over, the same thing your ex is trying to do now, barge in and take the kids until dad gets off work.  And yes, she was/is underworked.  Right now she is picking up our son on her days at 2 pm, hard to have a regular job when you have to take off in the early afternoon and drive some 20-25 miles each way to get the kid after school.

Yes the first few years we had 5 hour ROFR but that was conveniently dropped when I got custody and apparently she never noticed.  When we had it there were times I wished it was 10 hours so I could still squeak in a day's work.