Diagnosed with BPD/PTSD/depression

[qwaszx]

so its offical! BPD with PTSD/depression! so glade she has heard it from them now after 2 years of us talking about it! maybe this will help point her in a better direction!

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[waverider]

How has she taken it so far?

This should be a turning point, it may bring a bit of trauma with it before you can move forward

[qwaszx]

well we already talked about it for about 2 years now, so she doesnt really seem to even notice... . actually she just got out of the hospital and made some "friends" and shes super happy... .

[Highlander]

What a great sense of relief you must be feeling right now!

I remember it took us over 2 years for an official diagnosis and once we had it my dBPDH and I were both in tears of joy!

I had been pulled aside by a nurse at one hospital visit ( a year before) and was told that my husband had BPD, but this was not written on his record or spoken about to him.  That led me in the direction of researching everything I could find on BPD as I had not heard of it before.  Suddenly, everything started to make sense. 

However, other professionals became reluctant to officially diagnose him.  One doctor simply asked me if I am inclined to be a control freak - we both answered "No.  Not naturally but I am having to start to take that role". 

"Well then" the doctor said "He couldn't have BPD then as you would not have stayed with him so long (5 1/2 years then) ", so he then threw us into thinking it was bipolar instead!  LOL- look how many people are on this forum who have stayed in long-term relationships with their BPD partners and who are not necessarily 'control freaks'!

Eventually, we got his official diagnosis and as relieved as I was that he was now going to be adequately treated, my husband was just as relieved (or more) that he could now put a name to his muddled and confused head and begin tackling the problem in a direct way - which he has been doing ever since. 

We may still be a long way away from his recovery - yes - he still has borderline rages - but now we can both walk into the Councillor and say "last weekend dBPDH had a 'Borderline rage'" and the C can address it as just that!

[qwaszx]

oh thats so awesome for you guys!

and yes now i feel less crazy. i'd figured it out about a year after we met. im good at finding out anwsers... research is one of my strong skills... but thats about it

we've talked about it lots, i've tried to eductate myself as much as a can. she has also read a book, and some stuff online. shes really excited about starting down the road to recovery, and she wants to get there and do all the work she needs. im proud of her.

it was really hard getting the diagnoses, she even brought a book into therapy and said this is me and her therapist just looked at her, said no, and brushed it off. so shes been really confused, and its all been really frustrating for us both. so hopefully this will give everyone a clear understand of what we need to be doing. oh and ya they also told her she was bipolar:/

she say it doesnt matter to her still what she got diagnosed with. im not sure if this is a bad or good thing. i guess both, good because she cant get caught up on lables and bad because im not sure she understands what that means as far as how much work we'll all need to do but mainly her. so im feeling a little more hopefull.

[Highlander]

Hi qwaszx,

I truly believe that my husband will one day be a 'recovered BPD patient' like many have spoken about here on this forum.  The first step is acceptance and both our partners have done that.

What also helps my husband is the DBT therapy as well as the DBT workbook.  When in between therapy sessions he can refer to it and study it.  Always a good present if she does not already have it.

What helps for me is a number of books, the favorite being the 'stop walking on eggshells' book and workbook as well as these forums.

There are times when we both sit down and study our BPD books and then we come together and have a little talk about what we have both learnt.

For my husband, there are some issues concerning his parents that he becomes very confused about and has led to rages and self harm.  It is often helpful when I can find things in my books that refer back to childhood and the very fact that we both believe that his mother has borderline (undiagnosed).  Our psychologist has also made comments to this affect. 

Very cautiously, and only when I know he is ready for it, I relate these to him in the sense that he needs to understand that like him she also has 'black & white' thinking & that she is also not well and very confused.  It lifts his spirits greatly knowing that her abandonment on him was not because she didn't love him but because of her own abandonment from her parents (his grandparents) & that she was never taught correct ways.

We have found a therapist that BELIEVES in BPD (very important) and are both seeing the same therapist.  We have sessions on our own and together.

Writing up an emergency plan together for what to do to when he is in a BPD rage to avoid self harm and harm on others is also what is helping us both.

Best of luck qwaszx

[qwaszx]

i've had the DBT work book for quit sometime and im only giving it to her now, because before this its all been a bit of a mess for a long while... we've been looking for a DBT therapist but shes having some trouble finding one. at the moment the therapist she has seems to be doing some good(it was the one before that that told her she didnt have BPD) therapist have been a huge struggle if you ask me... there not educated well enough on the disorder, so have been more of a let down then anything, up until this one.

I've read "stop walking on egg shells", the "i hate you dont leave me" and "The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder"... plus "the budda and the boarderline" so i think were doing good for books:) its a good idea what you and your husdand do after reading(sitting down and talking about what your learing... its something i would like to try)

i should bring up emergence plan again, she wasnt in the right frame of mind when i mentioned it last time to her... .

ps. I'm just a friend of hers so our relationship is a bit different:)

[Highlander]

ps. I'm just a friend of hers so our relationship is a bit different:)

Hi Qwaszx,

Wow,

From the amount of books you have read, it seems that you are not "just a friend" but an "extraordinary awesome friend".  Your friend is very lucky to have you in her life.

[qwaszx]

i lived on sight with her for work, so when stuff started happening, i needed to figure out what the hell was going on  i try:)