Do they ALL cheat?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

My ex claimed the reason she got a divorce was because her husband cheated on her. She caught him kissing some girl on the couch at a party. Meanwhile she met a guy at a wedding while she was pregnant with her husbands child and was seeing him well before they got divorced.

I caught her on the phone more than once talking to the guy she left me for, more than once, after she thought I fell asleep. I never actually caught her cheating but I doubt the times I caught her on the phone was the only time she ever talked to him and doubt she never saw him either.

The last time I saw her she barely got done saying I love you before she saw another guy at the bar, drove me home and went back to the bar and apparently is with that guy now.

The cheating was the biggest issue for me also. The rest I could handle. I sure I made a mistake when I took her back after cheating the first time. It gave her a green light to do it over and over. And she really didn't see a problem with it. I believe what she would do is talk to these guys on the phone which she didn't consider a problem. Before she'd actually get together with them she'd create a fight and we'd breakup. Therefore it wasn't really cheating in her eyes.

[willbegood]

My ex claimed the reason she got a divorce was because her husband cheated on her. She caught him kissing some girl on the couch at a party. Meanwhile she met a guy at a wedding while she was pregnant with her husbands child and was seeing him well before they got divorced.

I caught her on the phone more than once talking to the guy she left me for, more than once, after she thought I fell asleep. I never actually caught her cheating but I doubt the times I caught her on the phone was the only time she ever talked to him and doubt she never saw him either.

The last time I saw her she barely got done saying I love you before she saw another guy at the bar, drove me home and went back to the bar and apparently is with that guy now.

The cheating was the biggest issue for me also. The rest I could handle. I sure I made a mistake when I took her back after cheating the first time. It gave her a green light to do it over and over. And she really didn't see a problem with it. I believe what she would do is talk to these guys on the phone which she didn't consider a problem. Before she'd actually get together with them she'd create a fight and we'd breakup. Therefore it wasn't really cheating in her eyes.

[willbegood]

Oh and she always thought I was cheating. If my phone made a noise in the middle of the night or I checked the news on my phone in the morning, I'd be yelled at about returning messages to whatever woman was texting me in the middle of the night.

I finally shut my phone off and that was no better because now I was hiding something.

[1Cor13,7]

Lennic,

Could you please explain this statement below a little more... .I want to make sure I clearly understand.

Thanks

1Cor13,7

"In that exchange the true nature of the borderline is completly revealed. The pain that intimacy expects overwhelms them."

[hurtbyboderline]

To all those here who say there's no way their BPD cheated on them. If your saying that because of time restraints well think again. Mine drove a 25 minute round trip drive at 8 am & spent 10 minutes at her ex's house. 10 minutes? That's not even enough time to say "Hi".  I'm a night person who sleeps in & when she left the house I was asleep. Well I heard the door shut, got up & turned on the GPS system I put in her car. So I busted her... .I'm going to confront her on this & leave in a day or two. I'll update. I've caught her before too. She's made some freudian slips that are almost comical. Once I broke up with her because I was almost certain she cheated on me (there were enough other issues to where cheating or not shouldn't have influenced my decision). I accused her of cheating with this guy & as she was begging me to get back with her she said; "I'd never cheat on you again". I then said; "well we're making some progress, at least your admitting it." She said; "I didn't admit anything" I said; "you said again". She said; "no I didn't"  LOL... .Oh, mine accuses me of cheating all the time. If I don't answer my phone I get voice messages; "Where are you" "I know your with so & so". "your sleeping (cleaned it up) with her I just know it" "your at a motel right now"... .Oh, & I don't cheat. I've had opportunities but won't do it... . zzz

[starshine]

My uexBPDbf of 5 years claimed his wife cheated on him throughout his marriage.  Towards the end of our relationship he would make accusations to others that he thought I was cheating- but never to me.  He became emotionally involved with a friendly acquaintance of ours.  Then he flipped out and moved me out of our house and began pursuing a physical/emotional relationship with her a mere 4 days later.  Even though her and I had been friendly for 14 years, she felt entitled to my relationship, my house, my community.  She is just a bizarre in her behavior as he was, saying awful things about me.  At one point, early, when I went back to get a bunch of landscaping bricks he looked at me with the saddest face and said, "this wasn't supposed to happen".  I'm sure.  I have NC with either of them, or really, any of their friends.  I don't believe he cheated on me until the very end- I can remember when he started dressing nicer and walking with more confidence- I though he was coming out of the depression that had dogged him for a year.  And he was- through having relations with someone who didn't hold him accountable, someone who didn't care that he wasn't taking care of his business, someone who saw only the glittery facade of our relationship. Good riddance! 

[happylogist]

I thought about writing here: I cheated on my partner with an uBPD man. I never cheated before in any of my relationships before, was never even in my the dreams able to realize that this could happen. It was very intense... .Certainly this whole story taught me a valuable lesson, a very painful one though.

He also cheated on her gf. I hate remembering the whole story and this is the only place where I talk about him... .  What I want to say it is not about cheating so much, as much as about a big difference in my and his perception on cheating, our experiences in the past and handling the situation.

He cheated before with his ex, after he broke up with her, he made at that time his gf overly jealous because of numerous talks about his love towards his ex, he had inappropriate conversations with his ex that his gf caught.  This is something never crossed my mind - I know how much it could be hurtful to compare or talk about emotional bond with your ex.

The same story pattern was almost repeated with me, at least non-stop talks about his love towards ex and not letting me go. While I wanted with all my heart to figure out what to do and end up that crazy situation, it seemed for him it was the opposite. Even knowing that his gf is overly jealous and telling me that he is going to stay with his gf, basically after everything was over, upon his return from the country we were together, he kept text messages that she found out immediately! He also spent the whole day preparing a birthday card for me, while lying to her about his plans, which made his gf suspicious. I think it was a way of sabotaging his relationship or wanting to get out, because I have some friends who cheated on their wives, but as long as they know they want to stay in their relationship - they make sure that there are no "spills". In my case I had completely opposite reaction: I wanted to get out of my relationship, I couldn't be close, I couldn't kiss. I talked about divorcing. Overall I felt horrible in the present, but I wanted to get out from that misery or find a solution.

From what I saw from our long-distance semi friendship/love/rescuer/victim relationship it was as his pain finally had a name and there was a reason behind his feelings of being so unhappy, needy, bad, there was also a rationalization for his cruelty towards the others, including me, his exes, women he dated. He also drunk too much for a reason. His self-loathing now had a good label, many people could relate and understand him, his pitiful behavior was for a reason and so many rescuer type girls were drawn to him... .