Dreams and jealousy

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

So I've been having awesome happy dreams of me and my ex... .But I don't want them. I felt like I was really making progress... .I've been experiencing jealousy even about her past. She cut me out of her life 2 months ago and ripped my heart and soul asunder... .

I've been trying so hard to heal. what the heck with the dreams? I wake up and feel happy for half a second... .Then re realize the truth... .And the pain... .

It's been 15 days since I last sent an email saying I'd not be contacting her anymore (and subsequently getting a call from police regarding "harassment".

I've actually gone on some dates even... .I even like one of the girls I've gone out with twice now... .Can't shake this... .

I worry one minute she will come back, then I worry she won't try to come back. Idk... .I'm messed up right now.

[Relentless]

So I've been having awesome happy dreams of me and my ex... .But I don't want them. I felt like I was really making progress... .I've been experiencing jealousy even about her past. She cut me out of her life 2 months ago and ripped my heart and soul asunder... .

I've been trying so hard to heal. what the heck with the dreams? I wake up and feel happy for half a second... .Then re realize the truth... .And the pain... .

It's been 15 days since I last sent an email saying I'd not be contacting her anymore (and subsequently getting a call from police regarding "harassment".

I've actually gone on some dates even... .I even like one of the girls I've gone out with twice now... .Can't shake this... .

I worry one minute she will come back, then I worry she won't try to come back. Idk... .I'm messed up right now.

[Reg]

Hi Relentless,

Nothing wrong with these dreams.  If I would have them where I am now, I would declare them nightmares 

But ok, I understand this very well.  Part of you is possibly still idealising her for the good moments.  Nothing wrong about remembering the good parts, we all had them, but there were a lot of them that were actually the worst as well, more then the good ones, don't you agree ?

You're on the right track, and if you did meet someone new and like her, isn't that more important in your life right now then to return to the toxic situation you were experiencing ?

Enjoy the new chances you get in life, focuss on these things, not on the negative and the past.  You'll get there !

Take care !

Reg

[seeking balance]

Hi Relentless,

Sometimes we dream and continue processing emotions as we sleep.  I know it can be exhausting, but it does run its course.  If you are seeing a T, perhaps ask if the T has some strategies or can offer some guided meditations to fall asleep to that may make it easier.

The body/mind will process as it needs to - awake or asleep.

Hang in there,

SB

[Ironmanrises]

So I've been having awesome happy dreams of me and my ex... .But I don't want them. I felt like I was really making progress... .I've been experiencing jealousy even about her past. She cut me out of her life 2 months ago and ripped my heart and soul asunder... .

I've been trying so hard to heal. what the heck with the dreams? I wake up and feel happy for half a second... .Then re realize the truth... .And the pain... .



It's been 15 days since I last sent an email saying I'd not be contacting her anymore (and subsequently getting a call from police regarding "harassment".

I've actually gone on some dates even... .I even like one of the girls I've gone out with twice now... .Can't shake this... .

I worry one minute she will come back, then I worry she won't try to come back. Idk... .I'm messed up right now.

In bold.

That.

That has happened to me too.

Its awful.

You feel both opposing emotions in 2 separate waves.

Stay NC.

Each day that passes is a small step forward.

Its good that you are able to interact with others... .

Shows that part of you is still functioning... .

Meaning one less thing to repair... .

Given how much damage these relationships do to us nons... .

One less thing on that long list of repairs is a small relief... .

At least.

We are here for you.

Stay strong.

[Relentless]

Thanks everyone. I've gone out on three dates with the new girl. Kissed her for the first time last night. It was nice and felt good. I didn't think of my ex until after. Kissing my ex was phenomenal, and I never experienced anything like that... .

I have to accept that I'll probably never have that again... .On the other hand, the new girl is very kind and caring. I definitely crave intensity... .We shall see what happens.

I'm still in shock sometimes of how things got to where they are... .I was supposed to visit my ex this weekend (plans we made months ago).

I can't believe (figuratively) that she left and just cut me out based on a perception and assumption... .Normal people (generally normal) would talk things out... .But 14 years of friendship and 6 months of dating all meant nothing because of one night... .

I'm reflective now... .It feels surreal. But I miss some things still, and others I'm glad it's done.

I hope everyone is well... .I hate thinking she will never miss me for all the good and romance I have her... .And that she can just be gone like that never to return.

[Learning_curve74]

Thanks everyone. I've gone out on three dates with the new girl. Kissed her for the first time last night. It was nice and felt good. I didn't think of my ex until after. Kissing my ex was phenomenal, and I never experienced anything like that... .

I have to accept that I'll probably never have that again... .On the other hand, the new girl is very kind and caring. I definitely crave intensity... .We shall see what happens.

Three dates means you two barely know each other. Why should people who barely know each other be so passionately intense? Sometimes there is instant chemistry between two people but even in those cases, I think most people have a bit of a wall up for a while until they can really be comfortable with each other, until they start to have stronger feelings that they think may be reciprocated.

All I'm saying is don't tell yourself a story that you'll never find someone who'll be as electric as your BPDex. If somebody is totally crazy for you from the start, maybe she's just crazy.   

[Relentless]

I knew my ex for 13.5 years before we dated... .It happened slowly but when things happened it was most magical... .

I just don't think it'll ever feel that good again... .Never thought it could be that good before her... .I'd be a fool to think ill find something that great again if I never had it before her.

When I kissed my ex for the first time it was phenomenal. That's all. Obviously my ex was "crazy" she has BPD... .Just didn't know till I was in the thick of it... .In retrospect as her friend a lot makes sense now... .

Anyway... .I feel a little offended from the last response. Can't pinpoint why. Gotta perform tonight. Will reread tomorrow.

[Relentless]

I'm just sensitive... .No big deal. Sorry.

[Learning_curve74]

I'm just sensitive... .No big deal. Sorry.

It's okay to be sensitive and be offended! It's much better to be that than cold an callous, right? I definitely feel that what I wrote was challenging you to an extent, but sometimes it can be a good thing?

If you look at it again after a while, can you pinpoint what I wrote that was offending you? Maybe it points to something worthwhile to examine, just guessing here, no set idea of what it could be. Just thinking that a lot of us are in the process of self-examination here, so it is worthwhile to maybe figure it out.

I will challenge you to step out of overgeneralizing where you say "I'd be a fool to think ill find something that great again if I never had it before her." Even if you've dated 200 women, that is only a very small fraction of the large variety of people that make up this world we live in. And we also probably meet and get involved with a limited type of personality ranges -- reading the boards here, there's even a topic about "how many pwBPD have you been involved with?"

Relentless, what are you performing, are you a musicia, actor, or something else? Hope it was a good performance! 

[Relentless]

Best sets thus far. I'm a stand up comedian. Relatively successful in my resident city. I'm a regular at the club here. Have not made it out of the area yet, though hopefully will get picked up by a booker in the next year or two at most to feature at clubs around the Midwest and further if I'm lucky enough.

Ill take a look again... .I do remember it feeling like a "what are you an idiot or something (for feeling/thinking that way)" type of offense reaction. I do appreciate you saying something. I'd rather have someone reply in good intent and offend me innocently than have no one reply. I almost never assume the worst and I always see the good... .Hence me on these forums like a lot of us who have been in love with a pwBPD.

Thanks for replying.