No Contact making them want you even more?

[Clearmind]

BPD BEHAVIORS: Lack of object consistency

There is out of mind out of sight on a physical level and an emotional level. We believe that contact means that they think of us on an emotional level.

[DragoN]

Maybe it's more along the lines of out of sight, out of mind as long as they have the replacement? Seems so with my spouse. The first time, I received calls and emails for weeks, not pleasant ones either. Then it stopped suddenly. The replacement had been found. That was many years ago.

The last 2 years it's been sporadic and nothing now. I don't have proof. But I have the pattern. The devaluation is well in action. The discard came verbally 3 months ago. I am following through this time. No more threats.

For myself, my spouse is aware I am certain she is BPD and has used the information of BPD and NC against me. It has become a sick and twisted game, that I simply will not engage. 

No Contact making them want you even more?

There would have to be something wrong with my thinking were I in a relationship to even consider such a thing. NC is for healing, to keep the toxicity at bay and from further knowingly and deliberately harming myself. NC is not easy, it's brutal. In a normal break up? There is not the cruelty of the BPD break ups with the betrayals and lying. Least was not my experience. Common decency extended both ways. Concern for the other. Not the BPD hatred.

For the PD? I think it is more a frenzied action to reconnect when they are cut off, only until the next replacement arrives. As such, they will endeavor to have a replacement before they ever will end a relationship. I know my spouse has not spent a year or 6 months single since the age of 16. That should have been a  however I did not know that until much later in the r/s. Like many things. It takes time before the BPD chaos really starts to hit home that we are dealing with is clearly not normal.

[Clearmind]

How are you doing strikeforce?

[strikeforce]

How are you doing strikeforce?

Im doing good thanks  just taking each day as it comes

[Clearmind]

Good stuff. It really helps to reach out to your support network, family and friends and take good care of yourself.

Have you blocked all contact with your ex now?

[strikeforce]

No shes still able to text me, but Im not replying

[Waifed]

I don't think NC has any bearing as to whether it makes them miss you. It's more about whether she has already hooked up with someone else. She has no reason to contact you if she has moved on.

I broke it off with mine. She turned it around, called the cops and painted me black in a matter of two days. I hope this means she will never contact me again and I don't expect her too.

[Escaped 30.Sept.2013]

As someone with BPD can easily have a throng of enablers via social media all feeding their destructive behavior.

[... .]

All in the while she is pretending to be this marvelous person to her circle of enabling family and sycophantic/pretend friends on that very social media... .

And their enabling of her... .

Props her up more and more... .

Literally causing a feedback loop of... .

"I will never need to get help... .All these people give me attention and love me... ."

They love the pretend her.

Not the real her.

All thanks to social media... .

Which made it such a breeze for her.

Bloody hell.

This is my ex-bf you are describing. His FB-persona, from the very very start, confused me - as he was mirroring me, in our 6-month 'heaven' phase, I kept saying to him, why did he work so hard to hide the wonderful, attractive, intelligent, thoughtful, philosophical thinker that I knew, and put so much effort into appearing to be a louche, loud, leering arse on Facebook?

Of course, I believed that I saw the "real him"... .because we were *special*... .:P

(btw, your name makes me smile - one of the things my BPD-ex did was a running 'thing' about the Iron Man films, that he was Tony Stark and I was Pepper Potts - he loves me, I am the only one who could be Pepper Potts... .he even sent me the YouTube clip from IM3 where Stark phones Potts and just says he is so sorry for everything... .so your name being IronManFalls... .well, it's what's happened for my BPD-ex. Pepper Potts walked away, and that isn't in the films. In fact, not only did I walk away, my last contact told him "you're stuck in the first half-hour of the first film, you immature idiot" )

[Ironmanrises]

Escaped,

Scary the similarity huh... .?

Basically all of those people... .

Do not really know her.

If they did... .

They would hate her.

It would be the same for your ex... .

And all those people around them... .

Indirectly hurt us further in the process.

to your tony stark and pepper potts theme... .

I am Tony Stark 

The non version at least.

[Escaped 30.Sept.2013]

I became a total expert in semi-hacking Facebook over the last six months of push-pull dance... .not actually breaking into his account, of course, but figuring out patterns of algorithms in his friends-list ranking and so on.

That's been really difficult to break - he set up such insecurities with constant lies that I became hooked on trying to track, each morning, where he'd posted, what he'd said, did he use a smiley or not, was there an 'x' on the comment, had he used petnames, had a new woman rocketed up his friends-list, etc., etc.


He had even said "oh don't worry about FB - all my exes deleted me long ago, haha" - yeah, wonder why that would be then... .?

[Ironmanrises]

I became a total expert in semi-hacking Facebook over the last six months of push-pull dance... .not actually breaking into his account, of course, but figuring out patterns of algorithms in his friends-list ranking and so on.

That's been really difficult to break - he set up such insecurities with constant lies that I became hooked on trying to track, each morning, where he'd posted, what he'd said, did he use a smiley or not, was there an 'x' on the comment, had he used petnames, had a new woman rocketed up his friends-list, etc., etc.


He had even said "oh don't worry about FB - all my exes deleted me long ago, haha" - yeah, wonder why that would be then... .?

In bold.

I did the same.

It tormented me.

To no end.

I saw her behavior.

It was awful.

I have since closed both Facebook/instagram permanently.

To protect me from her... .

And from myself... .

Too.

One of my coworkers was showing me some pics on instagram... .

And just seeing... .

The instagram format... .

Of the heart button... .

And what not... .

I had to close my eyes.

It instantly reminded me of her.

Of what i had witnessed.

Never again.