What excites you about the future?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

For me, it is the possibilities I'd come to accept would likely not happen if 'he' and I worked out. He was so bad with finances despite having a decent salary that I knew we'd likely not afford a home loan together. He also 'felt' he was sterile so I also accepted that having children was mostly unlikely (I'm not sure if I want them but having the option remain open would be nice).

I think the biggest thing that excites me is the idea of finding myself in a relationship where we were actually able to have a future together - both of us making plans and following through on them. Even just the simple idea of going away like I have in past relationships for a weekend camping or to a resort with a guy is so exciting to me cos whilst 'he' spoke about it, nothing ever came in to fruition. As time went on, less and less actually happened and things just became a fleeting idea - words not actions.

Also, to one day have someone be consistently emotionally open and responsive is exciting. Someone I can count on and can turn to - always - not just during the good part of the cycle. Someone who wants to meet my friends and family and invite me to social occasions (consistently) - not keep a safe distance between their life and mine with the odd invite here and there.

This stuff excites me and keeps me moving forward when the alternative is to remain caught up in feelings of him and feeling like there will never be better. I like to think life always gets better and that this experience taught me lessons I needed to learn to prepare me to be a better person for the right long term partner 

[Accepting]

For me, it is the possibilities I'd come to accept would likely not happen if 'he' and I worked out. He was so bad with finances despite having a decent salary that I knew we'd likely not afford a home loan together. He also 'felt' he was sterile so I also accepted that having children was mostly unlikely (I'm not sure if I want them but having the option remain open would be nice).

I think the biggest thing that excites me is the idea of finding myself in a relationship where we were actually able to have a future together - both of us making plans and following through on them. Even just the simple idea of going away like I have in past relationships for a weekend camping or to a resort with a guy is so exciting to me cos whilst 'he' spoke about it, nothing ever came in to fruition. As time went on, less and less actually happened and things just became a fleeting idea - words not actions.

Also, to one day have someone be consistently emotionally open and responsive is exciting. Someone I can count on and can turn to - always - not just during the good part of the cycle. Someone who wants to meet my friends and family and invite me to social occasions (consistently) - not keep a safe distance between their life and mine with the odd invite here and there.

This stuff excites me and keeps me moving forward when the alternative is to remain caught up in feelings of him and feeling like there will never be better. I like to think life always gets better and that this experience taught me lessons I needed to learn to prepare me to be a better person for the right long term partner 

[redbaron5]

Really well said, I often miss my exBPDgf. Well, I always do.  I have a feeling when I meet a new person that I can actually make plans with, follow through, confide my weaknesses in, a true, partner if you will. When that happens my EX will become a fleeting memory, so in short, yea...   What I look forward to the most, meeting someone else, and maybe meeting the parts of myself I forgot along the way.

[DragoN]

Can't think that far ahead, just want to survive to see it. Worry about the potential for anything nice after that. If that even exists. As I seriously have my doubts.

[Accepting]

Believe me, I have many moments of being sad about ‘him’. Only last night I cried with such deep sadness after watching a youtube video about BPD and how it feels for ‘them’. Last weekend I had such a dark day when remembering even more parts to his story that he’s told me over time – realisations of how they link in to form a bigger, sadder picture. It hurts so much that I can’t do anything to help him or make him feel secure in being with me and building a future together. I thought he was my soul mate.

But, I feel that if I want so much for him to take responsibility for his healing and future and emotions, then I too should do the same myself. I work in an infant nursery and it is so important for me to ground myself and be a positive, happy person in that environment. After all, isn’t that what so much of this is all about? Breaking the cycles of depression, abuse, negativity. Don’t we just wish that our significant partners could see the light so to speak and be happy with what we offered them?

I try to be grateful for living in a first world country, having food and shelter and freedom…even when this experience has at times (many times) felt like it has stolen my emotional freedom – trapped me in a place that I felt hopeless and unable to see any way out.

I think it’s important to hold on to some positive thoughts about the future…whether that be with or without them. 

[ScotisGone74]

This is a great question and is something to be really greatful to be able to do now.   What makes me happy looking forward is the ability to plan things long term, and then carry them out!    vacations, investing, goals, all of those things are what grown ups do... .and now I have the chance to do them. 

I guess what I'm trying to say here is that when you are bogged down in constant daily dilemmas and drama you lose the ability to make long term plans.   Someone with the emotional capacity of a five year old can't see months or years down the road, they don't want to, they are too consumed with their feelings right now.  We now have that opportunity and it feels good being in grown up land again. 

[willbegood]

First on my list is looking forward to to living my life by myself and being happy about it. After that I look forward to meeting someone who makes me not want to be by myself anymore.

[numb_buddha]

Never thinking of her again. She still has real estate in my head but she doesn't deserve it.

[hopealways]

First on my list is looking forward to to living my life by myself and being happy about it. After that I look forward to meeting someone who makes me not want to be by myself anymore.

This is a very healthy way of looking at things. Bravo. And I feel the same way about the future.

[Lady31]

GREAT question.  I could go on forever with this!

I'm excited about the future because:

I no longer have to be a nervous wreck wondering what is wrong NOW.

I don't have to spend a single second listening to verbal abuse, cursing & put downs.

I don't have to spend a single second listening to extremely negative talk, suicidal talk, hopeless talk.

I don't have to feel guilty about feeling good or being in a good mood.

I don't have to spend countless hours stressing out analyzing the most recent problem and how to fix it.

I don't have to defend myself against crazy ridiculous accusations.

I don't have to try to make things work and explain them in a way a 5 year old would understand.

I don't have to worry about excessive spending and irresponsible behavior directly impacting MY life.

I don't have to feel rejected constantly. (Physically and emotionally)

I get to plan my future for what I want instead of only being HIS way.

I get to look into new opportunities with all the time, energy and peace I now have since I moved out of hell.

I HAVE PEACE.

I get to have a future without that horrible dark cloud hanging over it.

The sky is the limit!  I get to pursue other businesses without fear of his LACK of stability which made it difficult/near impossible to manage ONE with him around.

And on and on and on and on x infinity.  SO EXCITED.  While it's sad and a loss - things are so much better for me.

The future gets brighter and brighter.  And that old candle burning for him gets dimmer and dimmer, soon to be snuffed out completely!

[happylogist]

When I really feel down I dream about that day in the future when I realize that "ohh, I haven't thought about him for such a long time!" and... .pause... .smile ... .and move on thinking about something else exciting (my job, my family, my friends, shopping, traveling, anything). Just to be caught realizing I was not thinking and I was happy and I do not need to think anymore.  That's my freedom!

[saw_tooth]

-Loving and giving without the fear of being pushed away

-Showing my real emotions and feelings(emotional displays would trigger my ex-BPD guy)

-Not having to 'mother' anyone or feel responsible for anybody's actions

-Not having to analyze and obsess over anything

-Have peace of mind

-Engaging in meaningful friendships without being a co-dependent giver

-Directing my energy toward my hobbies and learning new things

-Working towards spiritual growth now that the scars this relationship brought have faded

-Feeling and staying happy

-Spending quality time with the people I love(all spare time was spent being pensive and thinking 'if only I did xyz differently, things would get better'