I like the way you sound--accepting of your situation and your H, and working toward real solutions to problem/triggering situations.
Mostly I hear the strength of somebody who knows that she can make her own choices in this world, and knows what the right choices look like!
How's the last week gone for you?
I think that for the first time in my marriage I truly understand that when he's dyregulated that he's sick and not just evil. For whatever reason, that takes some of the stress off. Not all of it. Its still not easy to back away emotionally when he's blaming me for something that I didn't do or somehow I have triggered him. Our house is better than it used to be for sure regardless of the dyregulations. I provide a more stable platform than the wife who ran around like a maniac trying to 'cushion his falls.'
This weekend he came home and I was sweeping the garage and he went off his head about how I was ruining his life because I got dust on his car and his car was ruined and he shouldn't even bother having nice things because I destroy them Don't worry I didn't even bring up that he drives through dust every time that he drives down the dirt road to our house. I expect him to be on edge after the gym. Somehow it triggers his PTSD.
The last week has been ok. Not perfect. Lots of ups and downs. His seasonal job ends soon and he's too stressed out about it to go apply for other jobs. I think that he's decided that he's going back to the other seasonal job that he hates. I have nudged him a few times to get him going but he's paralyzed with fear. Its sad to see such a successful man stuck in this state. I have talked to him and we are on the same page but he can't get past the anxiety. One of our dogs ran away on Saturday and I thought that he was going to lose it. He didn't do more than threaten to give the dog away.
He's not going to therapy and he's not on medication but I guess that we all could have predicted that one. I'm now almost positive that he is bipolar as well as BPD (and generalized anxiety and PTSD). I haven't done SET about it yet (I'm not sure what I am waiting on). He is taking care of himself better though and doing more for himself (he packed his lunch and made his own breakfast this morning). That is really big for a man who maintained a year ago that he couldn't do his meals because of health issues (I guess that they were mental health issues
). He is going to the gym 3x per week and its definitely helping him. He's consistently going to work, on time and using his paycheck towards our family's needs.
Can't complain too much and glad for the support on these forums.
