BPDs falling in and out of love

[heronbird]

Anyone got any good ideas where I can read some good stuff about how pwBPD just suddenly fall out of love with people.

Ive noticed my dd does this a lot, so I would like to read about it and if this is the case.

Ive read loads but, not much on this love thing and why it happens

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[mary93]

Heronbird, I did a search on the internet "BPD falling in and out of love" and founds many interesting things. What I have noticed with my own daughter is 1= I don't believe it is "love" as love is not supposed to hurt and in a relationship she is very "moody and seems to be at her worst behavior (remember when we were in love, life was good, we loved everyone, we were happy etc, well with my BPD daughter its not like that)  2= the behavior is more like a drug addiction, it is obsessive behavior. I did find this on the internet and in my daughters case this seems to be spot on... .    "But their ultimate bait is idealization- a period where the BP lover puts the new lover on a pedestal. They make their partner feel like they can do no wrong, like they are the bee’s knees. But once the BP becomes disillusioned or fears abandonment, that pedestal is kicked out from underneath the once idealized partner. The higher they are, the harder they fall. It is a fall from grace very few people are prepared for. As quickly as BPs can fall in love, they can fall out of love just as quickly. " With what I know now, if I was to meet a BPD as a potential partner and suspected the disorder I would run as fast as I could in the opposite direction

[heronbird]

Well said Mary93, that is very interesting and a brilliant explanation, how do you know my dd so well

Gosh, thats too sad though.

So tell me what you think about her baby, do you think she may not love him anymore? do you think that can happen with a baby of their own.

Yes she always tried to paint an amazing pic of her dh, oh it makes me so angry to think.

When she was in hospital one time, he was no where to be seen, which we find is common with her boyfriends. We, however drove home a few days early from holiday to be with her, a 7 hour drive, as we were about an hour away, dd phoned me, I said by the way, where is bf, she didnt know, then she said to us, hes done more for me than you lot have ever done.

She had known him for about 4 months, I was upset, and thought what a mug I must be to miss my holiday for her when she said that. Was so hurtful and so warped,  good job my dh said to me, dont worry its just the illness talking.

So she always painted a perfect picture of him.

She was happy for 9 months though, the whole pregnancy, she was happy. A bit of depression but nothing compared to before or whats going on now.

She used to say nothing can go wrong now, Im married and we are happy and having a baby, so I know my life will be perfect now. :'( :'(

Ill google it too when I get chance. Did you find any really good links that you thought were worth reading.

[peaceplease]

heronbird,

I wonder if your dd fears that the baby may be taken off of her, as he is with the father now.  Perhaps, she is afraid to get close, as she fears the baby will be removed from her. Perhaps, she is afraid of the baby tying her to someone that she no longer wants in her life. And, then there is the whole responsiblity for another person. I imagine that she is quite scared.   I know as a mother, and from a maternal instinct, we would fight for our children.  Your dd has to fight for herself, right now. 

When my gs was only two, my dd was in an almost catatonic state of depression.  I quit my job to stay home, as I could see that she was neglecting his needs. 

[heronbird]

peaceplease, that is what she does say, and I feel the same too.

I sort of think this is one of the worse things she had ever done to me, now am I linked with her X for the rest of my life, plus will I end up dealing with a gs with big issues, can I go through that again, its enough with dd.

Her X said that he feels she does not love the baby. I told him that she told me she does want to see the baby but she knows it will only be for half an hour or so, then she will be too upset when he has to go. So why does she not get a solicitor and get to see him twice a week or something.

So you dont think she has fallen out of love with him then?