Tough few weeks

[hardhabit2break]

I haven't posted here for probably over a month. I was doing so well, basically NC for about 2 months up until about 2 weeks ago. Still residing in the home with my uBPDH since I discovered his affair and disgusting online betrayal. I filed for divorce in late June, which is a slow and stressful process.  Most days I am in a good place emotionally. Learning to stop ruminating about all he has done and continues to do, and trying to take things one day and one step at a time. The frustration level is beyond extreme and one night I broke NC when he was preparing a plate of food for himself that I had cooked for me and my kids. Well, I guess they aren't exactly kids, S25 and D17, but regardless, the food was not for him.  It lead to an argument and I wasn't backing down. I followed him to his room demanding he put the food back and he ended up pushing me, grabbing my arm, and dragging me by my wrists. I called the police and was basically told he did not commit a crime and I shouldn't have followed him into his room. A week later my daughter stood outside his door knocking looking for the iPad that he had taken a week before (he has already locked up the computer in his room and is constantly taking things to aggravate both of us). Well she wouldn't back down and kept knocking and knocking. I yelled in his window to give it to her and he called the police claiming that I tried to climb in his window. He told the police he wanted both of us removed from the house and he was afraid of us. Anyway, that is basically what I am dealing with, an arrogant, selfish, sick individual, among other things.

I am trying to get to a place where I have to accept that he will continue this behavior (eat the food, take things, and do things to antagonize us) until one of us moves out. Since June, he had been spending several nights a week at his new So's. I am glad when he is gone and I know once he is physically gone from my home I will be so much better. Unfortunately overnight last night, at 3:30am, he came back!  This will be the first weekend morning he will be here in months and I am dreading seeing his disgusting face. Of course I hope his relationship goes bad, but for my sake the longer it lasts the better. If he has his relationship to keep him occupied he will leave us alone for the most part.  So this morning I need to get to a place where I can ignore the fact that he is here. I am making plans to be out later so that should help. But any advice would help. Thanks to everyone out there, this board has helped so much!

[HarmKrakow]

Seek occasions, things, books, situations, which keeps your mind afloat. Drifting away from your BPD partner.

Seek, whenever you can, things which keep your mind occupied.

This drama of a hell hole will go away

[Surnia]

Hardhabit2break

What a painful situation - a slow divorce process and living in the same place together! 

Is there any possibility to find a solution like a separation during the ongoing divorce? And what are the plans after divorce regarding moving out?

[DragoN]

   that has got to be so draining on you.

I am trying to get to a place where I have to accept that he will continue this behavior (eat the food, take things, and do things to antagonize us) until one of us moves out.

Can you get a recording device? Just in case he does go "off" on you? Something really small like the size of a USB stick.

[fiddlestix]

Hardhabit... .Ouch!  Your situation sounds so painful!  I can barely tolerate living in the same community (220,000 population) as my ex, let alone in the same house!  The sight of my ex causes panic in me.  Which of you is planning to keep the house after the divorce?  If it is him, can you start moving out now?  Do you have a family member or friend with whom you can stay?  I see your children are older.  But your 17 year old girl is still a minor.  I hope you can come out of this ghastly situation soon.  Distract yourself a bit by reading and posting here.  We understand and care about you! 

Fiddle

[hardhabit2break]

Thanks to all for your concern and helpful advice. I have been trying to occupy my time and mind with good things and good people. We will be selling the house since neither of us can afford to carry it alone. I am already working on a place for me and my kids. For now, legally, it is best for me to stay in the house. But if I need to get away for a few days I do have places to go.

Since I posted here on Saturday, I am faced with new challenges. It seems the 6 month affair my UBPDH is having may have ended. His fantasy world he has been living in - totally engrossed in this sick relationship- is no longer his world. Yes, they could get back together and of course he will find another one to fill his sick needs. But now reality has hit him and he is willing to sell the house.  He is attempting to be nice and trying to manipulate me. He says we should try to get along while we are both living here and blah blah blah. I have to keep telling myself that this person is the same person that hurt me so badly, treated me like crap, and continued to be viscous over these past few months. And now is acting this way to only make his life easier, not mine. I need to stay strong and though I don't want to think about all the terrible things, I need to remember that he will only continue to hurt me if I become weak. I don't want him back, ever! But I also don't want to be manipulated. We all know how the Pw/BPD can act one way and behave another. Any words of wisdom?

[Surnia]

hh2b

good you hear again from you and good you have a place when things get worse. 

I am not really surprised that the replacement is over/gone. Now its sort of textbook he is trying to be nice again until he is going to have a new replacement.



My words of wisdom: Keep posting here. It helps to stay grounded - writing to keep the thoughts clear.