How can we accept this injustice?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

My take is this... .I'm glad I had the opportunity to learn from this experience and it will make me stronger, wiser, and more aware and motivated, but... .I could have certainly done without all the BS lies that was told once I got painted black and all the time I wasted on/with this person when I could have spent it with/on someone/something else that was worthwhile.      On the flipside though, it could have been much worse with this exBPD, I didn't have kids with her thank Jesus and owned no property together, so I'm on the yellow brick road at this point.   Alot of people on here have some sad stories for sure, but I think that if we have our health and are still alive after years with these people... .Be Thankful!

  I happened to log on FB earlier today and see the exBPD's pal, who I am sure unfortunately has BPD as well, all hugged up with a guy I went to school with that I am 'friends' with on FB in a 'new relationship', I had to laugh, sheesh.  They just keep chugging along with the same ole game, just different names, plug in whoever for instant happiness and gratification.   We have the opportunity to learn from our mistakes to build a better, fruitful, enjoyable, peaceful life with ourselves and whoever else we choose that is hopefully healthy.   They are stuck on the railroads tracks to doom no matter who they may be flaunting this week. 

[ScotisGone74]

My take is this... .I'm glad I had the opportunity to learn from this experience and it will make me stronger, wiser, and more aware and motivated, but... .I could have certainly done without all the BS lies that was told once I got painted black and all the time I wasted on/with this person when I could have spent it with/on someone/something else that was worthwhile.      On the flipside though, it could have been much worse with this exBPD, I didn't have kids with her thank Jesus and owned no property together, so I'm on the yellow brick road at this point.   Alot of people on here have some sad stories for sure, but I think that if we have our health and are still alive after years with these people... .Be Thankful!

  I happened to log on FB earlier today and see the exBPD's pal, who I am sure unfortunately has BPD as well, all hugged up with a guy I went to school with that I am 'friends' with on FB in a 'new relationship', I had to laugh, sheesh.  They just keep chugging along with the same ole game, just different names, plug in whoever for instant happiness and gratification.   We have the opportunity to learn from our mistakes to build a better, fruitful, enjoyable, peaceful life with ourselves and whoever else we choose that is hopefully healthy.   They are stuck on the railroads tracks to doom no matter who they may be flaunting this week. 

[Ironmanrises]

How can we accept this injustice... .?

Radical acceptance.

One of the hardest things... .

To ever fully... .

Assimilate... .

Into your being.

I still struggle... .

On days... .

Where i want to think... .

That maybe... .

She was just an a$$hole... .

But then i remember... .

How things unfolded... .

In horrifyingly... .

BPD fashion.

And it forces me... .

To accept... .

That this person... .

Has a mental disorder... .

That destroys... .

The very people... .

Who get... .

Too close to them.

I need but look... .

At my ravaged... .

Ironman suit... .

Ripped to pieces... .

And... .

My acceptance... .

Lies... .

In its... .

Smoldering remains.

[maxen]

thanks very much for that bb12.

It is my belief a pwBPD can maintain several shallow yet long standing friendships because of this level of acceptance and recognition by their support group. But a romantic partner stand no chance of being able to do the same.

So it's not so much they these people are endorsing your exBPD's story and disparaging comments about you. But for their own survival, they just let thing slide and focus on the good parts of the borderline

INHO

bb12

my T is pointing out much the same, that the friends who know her well aren't buying everything she's selling (one is a psychiatrist, so surely ... .). but, apart from the homewrecker, one workmate lent an ear and didn't say 'don't do this', and her mother sent an email saying "there are two sides to every pancake." god knows we had issues and i contributed. but i think of deceit and infidelity more as a moebius strip than as a two-sided object.

[maxen]

How can we accept this injustice... .?

Radical acceptance.

One of the hardest things... .

To ever fully... .

Assimilate... .

Into your being.

i've been spending the last months trying, in our emails and in our two meetings, to get an acknowledgement from her, or thinking she might having pangs about it even if we're now out of touch, despite all evidence to the contrary. that's a kind of hope and it has kept me going at times. but now i come around to it: i've been lied to, i've been humiliated, i've been abandoned, she got away with it, i will have a hellish divorce process, and there's nothing that i can do about the results. i have to know it every day and operate, i have not to be ashamed of it. i have to be able to say it, first here where it's safe, then not to suppress it in conversation irl.

great post ironman.

[maxen]

(deleted)

[goldylamont]

regarding the smearing/lying post-breakup, and the "friends" that stick around for the pwBPD. well, a couple of things that i've taken from being in this position is that now i definitely am a bit more judgemental about people i meet by how they treat *others*, even if we are cool for the moment. another poster mentioned that they witnessed the pwBPD doing all kinds of crazy things to other romantic interests (or friends) but didn't think they would do this to them. And I think this is the common feeling for "enablers" of these people--they might view these people's behaviors as quirky or weird, but never in their wildest dreams would they think that this pwBPD would actually treat *them* this way.

i'm guilty of this, so i can understand how people could totally believe and be friendly with my ex. my ex would tell me stories of previous r/s she had where her exbf's would burn her stuff after they broke up, heard about chairs being thrown through windows, she mentioned once that her and some guy were supposed to move in together but after signing the lease on they day they were supposed to move in, she bailed out and broke up with him. i remember (foolishly) laughing, like "damn, that was harsh... .", but honestly at the time i felt like the guy probably had some issues or was blind to something not going right in the r/s that he should have been paying attention to. at the end of the day, i don't think anyone could or would suspect the level of deceit and manipulation pwBPD are capable of, and surely they wouldn't think this person would treat them like this. so, we are fooled, and we enable. but, now i know better!

and when and if i meet people like this in the future, i immediately cringe. i refuse to be friends with someone now if i sense that they are abusive to other people. hell no am i going to enable them in their ruse.

also, most of the pwBPD friends will just keep believing them until they find out that the pwBPD has been saying/doing things against them too. i've found that it's taken me over a year to remember all the little things my exBPD would say about people and then to understand them as lies or skewed. there were people who i held in just a little bit of contempt, unconsciously b/c of things she'd say in passing about them. it's sad but true. and i know she says the same about me. it's why the few of us who do know how she really is describe her as toxic.

all of this is to say that for us nons, i think it's a good exercise to think about any mutual friends you shared with your BPDx--reevaluate what you think of these people and see if there may be some negativity left there by some sillyness that your ex said to you about them. just my 2 cents 

[DownandOut]

regarding the smearing/lying post-breakup, and the "friends" that stick around for the pwBPD. well, a couple of things that i've taken from being in this position is that now i definitely am a bit more judgemental about people i meet by how they treat *others*, even if we are cool for the moment. another poster mentioned that they witnessed the pwBPD doing all kinds of crazy things to other romantic interests (or friends) but didn't think they would do this to them. And I think this is the common feeling for "enablers" of these people--they might view these people's behaviors as quirky or weird, but never in their wildest dreams would they think that this pwBPD would actually treat *them* this way.

i'm guilty of this, so i can understand how people could totally believe and be friendly with my ex. my ex would tell me stories of previous r/s she had where her exbf's would burn her stuff after they broke up, heard about chairs being thrown through windows, she mentioned once that her and some guy were supposed to move in together but after signing the lease on they day they were supposed to move in, she bailed out and broke up with him. i remember (foolishly) laughing, like "damn, that was harsh... .", but honestly at the time i felt like the guy probably had some issues or was blind to something not going right in the r/s that he should have been paying attention to. at the end of the day, i don't think anyone could or would suspect the level of deceit and manipulation pwBPD are capable of, and surely they wouldn't think this person would treat them like this. so, we are fooled, and we enable. but, now i know better!

I, too, was an enabler. My uBPDexgf would tell me all types of stories  about how her relationships with exes and I always thought they were suckers. Wow! I can't believe that my uBPDexgf had almost the exact same story: She told me that she moved in with an ex (after 2 months mind you) and about 3 weeks into living there, they broke up. This, right after she made him do all types of expensive work to the house so that it would be more suitable for HER! The similarities are still so shocking to me.