What now? BPD teaches tot to swear

[Krudula]

As a grandma to a lovely gr.child2 I am getting more concerned about the behavior of his dBPD mum. Our son and gr.child live with us, but gr.child spends time with his mother. Our son and BPDmum are no longer in relationship, but there is a lot of contact still due to the gr.child.

Over the last few weeks we have been concerned with the vocabulary he is using after spending time with her.

As any normal 2y/o he is soaking up words and is using them to express himself.

Can you appreciate the shock of hearing him in the car cussing and swearing.

My husband and I do not use this kind of language, quite capable in expressing ourselves in a different way. I don't want to appear holier-than-thou, but we simply don't swear!

She also insinuates that our son taught his child to say BAD and to point / direct this at his mother, she even accuses him that her son2 calls her (excuse me again) slut.

We are absolutely certain that our son is not setting his wee boy up to this behaviour.

What to do about it, Is she projecting?

[GeekyGirl]

Hi Krudula,

Kids are like sponges, as you know--they'll pick up everything going on around them. Do you think that your DIL is constantly swearing around your grandson, or do you think he just picked up on a certain word? In the interest of full disclosure, I have accidentally said a word that I shouldn't have around my 3 year old, and he not only figured out that it was a "naughty" word, but he repeated it and laughed... .and I earned a "time out."

My point is, there's a big difference in choosing to swear at a child and making a mistake. You're absolutely correct--there are much better ways to express yourself.

What does your son say about your grandson's behavior? What would change if you found out that both your DIL and son have been using inappropriate language around your grandson?

[Krudula]

Hi Geekygirl

Thanks for your reply and my apologies for the delay in replying. Things are so busy sometimes that I don't always take the time to check postings.

Reading between the lines are you saying that my grandson perhaps picks up the cussing from my son when we are not around? I have faith in my son, firstly he doesn't want to jeopardise his court hearings etc. he simply doesn't use the kind of language I mentioned, unless I don't know my son very well. He is not a saint, but this is not what he is about.

Since our grandson is only just starting to talk and putting sentences together and the fact that he and his dad live with us, we should have picked up anything in that regard. I am not defending my son and refuse to see any weakness in him, but this isn't one of them.

Another court decision went in favor of our son, and BPDex's time with her son has been cut yet again. Things seem a bit more settled at the moment, thank goodness!

[GeekyGirl]

Reading between the lines are you saying that my grandson perhaps picks up the cussing from my son when we are not around?

Your grandson could pick it up from anywhere... .and since they're little sponges at that age, he could hear something once and it might stick. It's very likely that your son's ex is using inappropriate language, but it's also possible that he's hearing things from other sources. The key is to be consistent and keep explaining to your grandson that the language is inappropriate. Role model the behavior you want to see from him. Show him that everyone is accountable for his/her behavior (that's why I earned a time out--DS knows that I'm accountable for my actions just as he is).

It's good that your grandson will be spending more and more time with your son--hopefully he will be a strong and positive influence.