new member

[JillS]

Hi-My husband and I have a 29 year old daughter who has not been officially diangosed with BPD but all the signs are there; intense relationships after first date, can't make friends, lying, drinking (until she ended up with DUI) lashing out saying the most hateful things ever then changing to loving person, losing jobs, anxiety and depression (sleeping all day) no motivation to do anything, finding love interests that she can "fix" (ie, therefore dating unsavory people).  Anyway, those are just a summary of the behaviors, I'm sure everyone has "stories" but we need guidance from people who have been there, because we just don't know where to turn as far as getting "competent" professional help.  She had a therapist for 1 1/2 years who would not entertain any other diagnosis other than depression and she manipulated the therapist and would not be truthful with her.  She is now ready to get help and wants help but won't do it on her own and we don't know where to go.  Help!

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[clairedair]

Hi Jills



I do not have experience of having a child with BPD, however, there are plenty people around here that will recognise your situation and offer more support and guidance.  Hopefully, someone else will be along soon that can answer your question about how to find appropriate help for your daughter.   

Meanwhile, this link may be a good place to start:  Suggested Reading for members who are supporting a son or daughter with BPD

My exH has never been diagnosed with anything other than depression (that I know of), however, I still came here and stayed around because people here were the only ones who seemed to understand what was going on.  It was all so confusing and frustrating and painful.  I was also able to learn about my own behaviours and what I could change.

take care Claire

[Rapt Reader]

Hello, JillS, and I'd like to join clairedair in welcoming you to this site. She's right; there are many of us with children with BPD who understand what you are going through... .I'm here because of my own adult son (36) who was just diagnosed with BPD in March/April of 2013. I'm so very happy to hear that your daughter now understands that she has a problem, and wants to get help! That is really half the battle to good mental health; my own son finally got the help he needed and is on his way to recovery at last (his story is at the blue link at the bottom of this post, in my signature line).

Do you know if there is a Dual Diagnosis Program anywhere near you that she could go to for help? My son's life turned around when he attended an intensive, Inpatient 21-day Dual Dx Center (where he got the BPD diagnosis). He loved it there, and learned so much that there was no stopping him in trying to recover and live a better life. He is now almost 9 months clean and sober (from a heroin addiction!), and still attending treatment willingly, learning something new every day. Your insurance company might be able to help you find one, or maybe the National Alliance on Mental Illness could help you to find a D Dx Program, or therapist in your area who knows about BPD. Since your daughter has the dual diagnoses of substance abuse (alcohol, and maybe something else?) and mental health issues, a Program like that could be a life saver for her, like it was for my son.

Please keep posting here, and asking your questions... .and let us know if the link above has helped you. My own son's Outpatient Therapist (for the drug abuse) is the one who found the Dual Diagnosis Program for him (it is part of the Bradford Regional Medical Center, in Bradford, PA); maybe you can find a local mental health facility/professional/MD/therapist/AA that can guide you. Or if you are in the North East, I would highly recommend you contact the Bradford Regional Medical Center's Dual Diagnosis Program (you can google it, I'm sure). Please let us know if you have any more questions; we are here to help you