It begins

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

It is that time I just received notice she filed for support.  On this note though it wasn't very recommended she file for support.  Given that I  have our daughter a majority of the time and she filed stating she had custody(lie).  It would also work out that I filed for primary physical and we are getting an notice she sign stating she has visitation.  In the end she could end up owing me support.  She also filed for temp alimony I was paying all the bills still for her, filing will only get me to stop doing that.  Is it common for for pwBPD to make so many mistakes?  I understand the lying but it seems so far like going to court against a child? 

I know I have to be very careful when proceeding but even my lawyer was baffled regarding what her lawyer was doing.  He called me and asked where she found this person.  And they sound like someone who would try to do anything.  He even researched them and found nothing. 

When they called and said they were going to court right away, he seemed confused and told them they were welcome to although it wasn't advisable.

Any thoughts on what to keep an eye out for?

Thanks

[Knowingishalf]

It is that time I just received notice she filed for support.  On this note though it wasn't very recommended she file for support.  Given that I  have our daughter a majority of the time and she filed stating she had custody(lie).  It would also work out that I filed for primary physical and we are getting an notice she sign stating she has visitation.  In the end she could end up owing me support.  She also filed for temp alimony I was paying all the bills still for her, filing will only get me to stop doing that.  Is it common for for pwBPD to make so many mistakes?  I understand the lying but it seems so far like going to court against a child? 

I know I have to be very careful when proceeding but even my lawyer was baffled regarding what her lawyer was doing.  He called me and asked where she found this person.  And they sound like someone who would try to do anything.  He even researched them and found nothing. 

When they called and said they were going to court right away, he seemed confused and told them they were welcome to although it wasn't advisable.

Any thoughts on what to keep an eye out for?

Thanks

[ForeverDad]

Likely she told her lawyer her perception of what was the current status.   Once they find out the reality and then they talk again with her, she might all of a sudden decide to become the more involved parent, Mother of the Year.  Actually, it's likely her lawyer might tell her to change her tune and try to be the primary parent to get more $$$.  After all, they're working for her and not your child.  When she has to, she may be able to reverse on a dime, at least for a while, and not having court ordered support could trigger that overreaction.  That's why you need to be especially careful to remain the primary or custodial parent.

Fathers here have to be aware that many courts seem to give unwritten default preference to mothers, apparently based on gender.  Or at least many decisions turn out that way.  (Some of our mothers here claim they also have a hard time with their disordered ones, so it may also be an issue for the court tiptoeing around the messed up person, greasing the squeaky wheel, so to speak.)

So you have to be prepared to defend your case vigorously, no room for being over-nice, over-fair or over-whatever.

Be aware that your payments to her now may be considered by the court to be 'gifts' and not support.  So let's hope the court doesn't order retroactive support.  If that happens then it usually goes back to the filing date.

Finally, temporary orders have a nasty track record of morphing into final orders.   Don't let your lawyer tell you, "Yeah, the temp order is lousy, stay quiet and we'll get it fixed later."  'Later' could end up being a year or two later, or even longer.  Few get exactly what they wanted right from the start, but try your best to get the best order possible right from the start.  That's a real challenge since often the temporary order is set in a short half hour hearing where little is discussed besides work schedules, who will live where and who claims to have the parenting history.

In my case, my then-spouse was very possessive of our child, apparently unlike your spouse.  We separated when she was blocked from our house by my TPO in another court based on DV threats, yet the family court judge still gave her temp custody.  About a year into the divorce case the court's own parenting investigator recommended I move up from alternate weekends to 50% time.  No changes, all the judge did was to schedule the custody evaluation.  Five months later the initial CE report recommended she immediately lose temp custody.  Again, didn't happen, the judge just scheduled the next step.  I didn't get equal time until we settled on Trial Day after a two year divorce.  So in case your judge wants to ignore reality and default to mother, try to get a clause included that the temporary order will be amended as the professionals' evaluations come in.

The longer you have majority time and responsibility, the more secure your parenting.  The longer you don't have majority time and responsibility, the greater the uphill struggle.

[Knowingishalf]

Thanks as always Forever Dad.  I will consult with my lawyer today regarding the bills and her filing.  She went from the most removed mother to a stellar act for mother of the year in 1 day I tell you what.  I am just being really protective of my time with our daughter she resides with me and my wife has yet to get a single weekend overnight so far.  I am prepared to vigorously defend my position.  I can't let her try to change the tune regarding her role as a parent. 

When we were together she didn't take any care of our daughter, well in reality she did purchase clothes and cooked dinner sometimes.  She even picked her up from daycare a few times a week but not that often.  But when it came to parenting she did nothing.  No baths no Dr visits, never took time from work to stay home when she was sick.  Never ever got up in the middle of the night, never checked on her, never dressed her never did her hair.  Brushed her teeth, never took her potty non of those things, and I am just baffled that all the sudden she whats to be such a "good" mother.

I want to be fair but I know when it comes to courts I can't be, given the adversarial nature of the courts. I want to be totally prepped and ready.  The odd thing is here I filled for primary custody, her request I believe can't even be heard until my matter is resolved, so it was a waste of time on her part hence what my lawyer tried to tell her... .Just weirdness all around.

Again Awesome advice.