And what does she mean with exclusive? That I should have proposed? It was my intentions and I feel terrible if it all have failed because I failed to propose in time. I keep hearing stories that if you like a girl you should close the deal fast. And I would have proposed earlier but silent treatment and devaluation made it impossible. My replacement proposed to her after 4-5 months. Can I expect her to treat the new relationship as exclusive? I think she started to devaluate me because I failed to propose fast enough, but needless to say that when I found it was too late to stop the devaluation.
wow, where to start huhhuh?
all of this is assuming your ex has BPD... .
she didn't devaluate you because you didn't propose soon enough, she devaluated you because this is what pwBPD do, devalue the people that they claim to care about. this would have happened, proposal or not, because if she didn't devalue you then she probably doesn't have a personality disorder, right? let's just de-gaslight that one
ok, regarding exclusivity--i think you know the obvious answer to this that this completely sounds like further gaslighting by her on you. i'm interested to know this--did your ex gf ever get jealous of you? did your ex ever accuse you of cheating? nearly all our ex's on here accused us of cheating--
this means they expect exclusivity. not sure of your situation but she accused you of cheating then i think it's obvious that she expected you to
not see anyone else, or else there wouldn't be cheating.
good lord, so now it's occurring to me that she's implying that you two were never exclusive... .wow, but at the same time she was wanting a proposal? you've got to see the beautiful paradox here. no need to believe this hype, ok?
Can you expect her to treat the new r/s as exclusive? << So, a good word of warning is to judge not the person your ex is seeing now. Whatever you know of him through her is probably twisted and distorted--either it's too-good-to-be true twisted to hurt you, or perhaps she's already devaluing him undeservedly.
Here's the deal though--you were with your ex for 3 years. Sounds like you loved her and wanted to commit; but
something held you back from proposing. That something was your gd common sense, your own strength and trust in yourself. And the gift, although painful at first is that you are beginning recovery sooner than many.
Three years and you weren't quite ready; 4-5 months and this other guy is proposing to her, already? If i was his father boy I'd... .My (wild) guess? That guy is helplessly p-whipped... .and this doesn't bode well for him b/c pwBPD tend to bore of this quickly. I, like you was with my ex but for 4 years, something just wasn't right although i was considering spending my life with her. Thank HEAVEN I didn't propose... .I knew something wasn't right. And when I started testing things out (trying to see if we could improve trust/communication), well it blew up in my face!
The next guy, who came along a few weeks after our break (or, sooner?)--completely p-whipped. Sent her tons of text messages all day (I know because we still lived together), changed his r/s status on FB within 14 days of meeting her, brutally, and i mean she brutally dumped this guy maybe 4 months later. he put in all his cojones too soon. I was aloof, bled a lot slower, careful and worried about getting married, although i loved the hell out of her and wanted it to work... .all of this is to say, no, i don't think she devalued you because you have good and common sense huhhuh.
