What do you to when they try to contact you with serious issues . . . .

[drv3006]

I don't know why I am asking you all now.  I called him.  But he broke up (which I was okay)   I did not hear from him for over a week.  And then he sends me a text with a picture of his mom, who is sick and dying, showing me how swollen and that she is in pain.  I don't respond.  Another text saying he is being patient with me and then another saying some health issues in regard to his mother again It is hard when they do something like this.  (kinda using his sick mother to get my attention -- it works she is a nice lady)   I got a text this morning wishing me a good day.   I think this is harder because his parent is dying and it just seems so cold to turn away.   I left a message this morning with hm saying I was sorry his mom was not doing well.  And he can call anytime.  (Oy!)  I dont know.  This would be easier if these people were just jerks and not sick or had so many troubles that you feel like a schmuck walking away.   he on the other hand cannot comprehend any troubles of mine except to tell me to work on myself cause there is always something wrong with me. 

[goldylamont]

drv3006 this sounds like a ploy. please read this recent thread (link below) and i suggest posting there. just read the first posting and you will see someone who reconnected with an ex, because of a sick/dying friend, and the horrible outcome it became. wishing you well, i don't know what i'd do in your situation--actually i do, i'd be posting here about it! 

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=213953.msg12346074#msg12346074

post here and find out what someone else has just been through before speaking with your ex.

[heartandwhole]

drv3006,

It is hard.    Pulling on the heart strings.  When we are stressed, we turn to the familiar for comfort.  It seems that both of you are trying to soothe yourselves through contact– it happens.

Concern and empathy for others is a wonderful thing.  :)on't forget to include yourself in the circle of people who need love and support.  Is this reconnecting supportive and good for you?

[bruisedbattered]

Walk away, keep walking and do not look back.   His mother, his illness, his life.  There is no limit to his pain, and his willingness to drag you down with him.   Now it's his mother, will you run to his aid everytime he has in an ill friend/relative?  :)o you think he will/would reciprocate if you were in a time of need?   probably NOT.  love yourself, walk away.

[GreenMango]

Drv since you guys are in contact maybe you can send him a condolences card or a mote expressing your sympathies and leave it at that?  That's usually what people do with people other than their spouses and family when they arent in a bonded intimate relationship.  You may not need to do more. 

Part of leaving is making a choice that often requires establishing new boundaries as to what is appropriate.  At this point it may not be appropriate for him to ask you to be the emotional support he needs.  Sometimes the roles get mixed up and people expect that same support.

Do you feel okay being his emotional support for this?

[drv3006]

GreenMango, I don't feel okay about being there for him for this.  Which makes me feel incredibly guilty! He takes every situation and turns it into a fictional movie or something.   I probably will be responsible for his mom's passing when its time.   See, how horrible that is for me to be so self centered to say something or think something like that.  But nothing I do, is ever right.   I asked him once what he wanted from me and he said to be "available"   And he spoke the truth.  All he wants is for me to be around when he needs me to be around.  His mother is so sweet.  She is always asking for me to come and see her.  its awful.  There is such a history with the things he has accused me of that even though I want to see her, I am afraid he would just come up with some crazy story.     The projection and the way he perceives things and quite frankly tries to make me feel like I am the one who did it or said it, its seems like I would be walking into a giant mess with such a sensitive issue like a family member's death.  But who walks away from people when they need support like this.   I know he is sick.  I do.  And I really emphathise with all his crap, which makes this even harder.   Sometimes he is so good at saying things I doubt myself.   Who am I kidding, a lot of times I doubt myself.  I don't like that. 

[Oliolioxenfree]

I don't know why I am asking you all now.  I called him.  But he broke up (which I was okay)   I did not hear from him for over a week.  And then he sends me a text with a picture of his mom, who is sick and dying, showing me how swollen and that she is in pain.  I don't respond.  Another text saying he is being patient with me and then another saying some health issues in regard to his mother again It is hard when they do something like this.  (kinda using his sick mother to get my attention -- it works she is a nice lady)   I got a text this morning wishing me a good day.   I think this is harder because his parent is dying and it just seems so cold to turn away.   I left a message this morning with hm saying I was sorry his mom was not doing well.  And he can call anytime.  (Oy!)  I dont know.  This would be easier if these people were just jerks and not sick or had so many troubles that you feel like a schmuck walking away.   he on the other hand cannot comprehend any troubles of mine except to tell me to work on myself cause there is always something wrong with me. 

Well after mine broke up with me, he reached out a week later saying he may have throat cancer... .all of the sudden he has to have a biopsy? after two years? When I expressed ZERO remorse for him because I was onto his Game, he accused me of giving him an STD.  Which was completely false since the only person who ever cheated in our relationship was him.  He reached out again later to tell me the results of his Aids test (this is a person who dumped me on my head out of the blue for someone he met at a bar 3 weeks prior).  He truly was a colossal idiot to the bitter end.

He disappeared when I refused to acknowledge these ploys and gimmicks to keep a foothold in my life.

What I also found is that this is common.  They are filled with shame... sometimes they experience this when they discard you... As a result they create or sometimes manifest medical problems (which may or may not be real) and then use it against you to gain your sympathy.  To them your sympathy = I cant be that bad because this person forgives me.

They are f******* Up.  Run and dont look back.

[LaSuede]

Is it possible for you to meet his mother without him?

And without him knowing?

I mean your feelings are about the nice lady truly, why "waste" them on him and his self-centered needs... ?

If it's about him needing you to coupe with the situation he would not send that picture.

Cause if respectful towards his mum and you he would not do that.

He pulls the worst string he could find.

My exBPDbf sent me a SMS saying his father got his cancer back and they all needed to be strong around him - just to challenging his father profoundly psychologically wise the day after. Plus he just left his parents... .  (That was doing all in their power to focus on him at that moment). And he left them with a mess of his financially troubles.

He has not even giving them his current address.

All to sum it up he was chased out of their house.

Because of yes, me.

I have "put him on the street" twice... .

Although I had stayed nc and now live 3000 km away in another country.

Be careful. Involve in her, not in him I would suggest.

[GlennT]

I was eating my dinner while reading about this demented  scumbag, and I could'nt finish it.  Hearing how he actually used real pics of his own mother, lying in pain, suffering, and dying, in order to emotionally abuse this woman even more.  Keep ON running... .drv3006, and NEVER look back! Folks; I need to take a break from this board for awhile.

[Juno]

I'm dealing with this issue right now. My ex and I ended things back in 1988. She still sent me letters all the time. The last letter I received from her was in 1996. Last November she made contact with me through a private msg. In the msg she tells me she gave birth to my son 26 years ago and he's in his first year of medical school.

[drv3006]

Juno. I am so sorry.  There r no words to say for that kind of manipulation if true or not. I wish u peace.   Tornadoes they can be  causing chaos or not  god bless

[zkirtz]

Ask yourself what would he do if you broke up and sent a picture of your sick mother! Really?

Please keep strong. You can only do so much. You do not have to carry the fate of the world on your shoulders. Don't let anyone guilt you over things you cannot help!

All the best!

[GlennT]

Beautiful 

uote author=Juno link=topic=214021.msg12347464#msg12347464 date=1385172610]I'm dealing with this issue right now. My ex and I ended things back in 1988. She still sent me letters all the time. The last letter I received from her was in 1996. Last November she made contact with me through a private msg. In the msg she tells me she gave birth to my son 26 years ago and he's in his first year of medical school.[/quote]