Just wish I could run away

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Nights like tonight I wish I could run away... .start a new life. Fill it with good healthy things and leave this horrible past behind. We ve been separated since Oct. 1st. He s presently working ME out of his life but telling me divorce is the last thing he wants. He doesn t want to see me and tells me he s busy with work. I need something to fill this void thats being left. Thing is I want to be married. I want to be some ones wife but hes pushing me away now not just his Behaviors.

Plus getting others around him to think I m the crazy one by telling more distortion stories. He plays the victim to everyone hes close with. He continues to build his new persona. Cries to his mother... .cries to his sister... apparently all about me... .but never cries to me. He says he has no more tears when hes infront of me. What bull sh#$. WHY DO WE TAKE THIS STUFF. Just writing right now has me questioning myself why I did this to myself.

[NoSocks]

Nights like tonight I wish I could run away... .start a new life. Fill it with good healthy things and leave this horrible past behind. We ve been separated since Oct. 1st. He s presently working ME out of his life but telling me divorce is the last thing he wants. He doesn t want to see me and tells me he s busy with work. I need something to fill this void thats being left. Thing is I want to be married. I want to be some ones wife but hes pushing me away now not just his Behaviors.

Plus getting others around him to think I m the crazy one by telling more distortion stories. He plays the victim to everyone hes close with. He continues to build his new persona. Cries to his mother... .cries to his sister... apparently all about me... .but never cries to me. He says he has no more tears when hes infront of me. What bull sh#$. WHY DO WE TAKE THIS STUFF. Just writing right now has me questioning myself why I did this to myself.

[Learning_curve74]

I'm sorry to hear your husband's crazy making behaviors are making you feel so bad, NoSocks.  

You're not the only person wanting to be married, to be in a relationship. It sounds like you think like it can't be with your husband anymore though? Is that right?

There's a quote that goes something like this: I used to feel the worst thing was to be alone, but I learned that the worst thing was actually to be with people who make me feel alone.

Do you have a support network like family and friends to turn to in the hard times? Do you have things you enjoy doing that can also help you cope? Coping strategies don't necessarily solve the big problem, but they can help you get through the hard times when the emotions seem like too much to bear. Some people like exercise, taking walks, taking a hot bath, writing in a journal, reading books, watching a favorite TV show, among other things -- these are things you can do yourself when nobody is free to talk or when you don't feel like talking to somebody.

Hang in there NoSocks.  

[laelle]

If you are just wanting to be "someone's" wife, it makes sense that you would stay stuck in this relationship.  Is that all that you want for yourself?  Do you have any other wants and needs?  Are they being filled in this relationship?

If your H is dead set on pushing you away, the best thing that you can do is to move forward.  What kind of things do you enjoy doing?  I had forgotten in the course of my own relationship what I liked and disliked.  I was so focused on helping him to control his pain, that I left myself out in the cold.

It is not always about how he feels or thinks... .so what if the last thing he wants is a divorce?  The last thing you want is to be in a relationship where you are being ignored, talked bad about and avoided.  That is NOT love.  Stand up and see that you are not alone.  You have YOURSELF!  Your best friend or your worst enemy.  Which will it be?

You are not crazy!  Are you willing to accept less from your relationship because you feel that you have no value or are not worthy of better?

Fill yourself with good things!  Leave your horrible past behind... .but dont run away!  You can not run away from your problems.  You must WALK towards a better life, starting with taking yourself out of the toxic situation, and step by step discovering what will make NoSocks happy.  You can do it!

 Laelle

[Ironmanrises]

He continues to build his new persona.

My stomach just turned inwards reading that. I know exactly what you are referring too. I saw mine doing this for 3 months in devaluation in round 2. Words fail to describe the awfulness of it.