It's been almost two weeks since "Carmel" and I broke up and things are still going well. We have texted a little, gotten together a couple times, and it feels so completely different. Everything feels different. I don't feel like a stupid victim anymore, I feel like someone who saved themselves from living in a bad situation. I feel proud, I feel happy, I feel full of hope.
Every time I wrote in my diary, the document opened up to the first post three years ago, so every time I looked at it, I read about how unhappy I was and how much I wanted to get out of my relationship, for THREE YEARS. I knew it had to stop, that I had to get out, and no amount of financial worries were going to stop me.
For a while, when she'd scream things she claimed to hate about me, I'd scream back "Then leave!" over and over and over. We started having talks about how it had to stop, how she couldn't stop treating me the way she was treating me, and we had to part, no matter how much love or hope or dependence we still had. Somehow she believed me and found the strength and love to find a share with a friend, and moved out.
Since then, such a short time but a real time, I feel free of the spell of abuse. I know that I will never interact with her the same way, I will never feel broken or hopeless, I will never feel trapped, I will never engage in the old patterns. Simply not having her under my roof has freed me.
Anyone wanna lend me five grand?
