the endless recycle

[simplyasiam]

six years of a BPD r/s is really taking a toll on my life. ive been left atleast 20 times in the past years. shes cheated on me six times i know of. this past april she left again and moved in with her knew b/f. we spent seven months apart but never really lost contact. the frist of oct she left the new b/f and we start to date again. the last two and half month have been a on going recycle every teo weeks. she become so much sicker then if every seen her.

im lost again not know what the next few days or even hours will bring. i keep giving the r/s a chance but she will not end contact with this other man.

i know its up to me to take care of myself.

i cant let myself be treated this way anymore but im not ready to walk away.

i know if being asked by a friend what to do here i would tell them to run but i keep putting myself in the middel of this mess

could use so support today

[Surnia]

Simplyasiam

Recycling every 2 weeks - so exhausting! Six times cheating - this would takes it toll from everyone. Difficult to feel self confident in such a situation.

I hear you and yes, support is needed. We are here for you. 

What is it what keeps you from just walking away?

Are you working with a T, simplyasiam?

[simplyasiam]

yes i work with a T as ended. i think hope is all that keeps me from walking away, i seeing that i need to give up on hope.

the last few days have been out of control. friday she drank, that always gos bad. by 9 pm she was in a wild fit yelling and crying beating her head on a dresser. walking around in yard in the nude, it was only 20 deg outside. last nite she lied about going to her friends house for dinner and went out with the guy she left me for in april. she call told me we were over and that i should not come back. a hour latter she txt saying she kicked me out becouse her kids had lied about me and she found out about the lie and wanted me to come back.

when i got to her home her kids were crying begging me not to leave not to be mad at them. she was yelling at them for what they had said and done. she even called their dad and told him how they had lied.

this morning i find out she made it all up she blamed the break up on her kids becouse she felt bad about going out with this guy and didnt want me to find out.

i think she is going insane.

if never seen anything like this.

[Surnia]

I am relieved you are working with a T. And yes, the hope that one day... .i was there too.

She is very deregulated! Drinking, running nude outside, yelling... .all this is horrible and a sign of mental illness, perhaps even psychotic.

You cannot save her. You can take care for yourself.

Its so difficult to give up the hope and facing the facts.