Saw her today after over a year

[nolisan]

Don't worry - no contact but I saw her in her car driving towards my place. I was headed the other direction and had a brief urge to turn around and she if she was stopping at my house.

Instead I kept going and did the shopping that I had intented.

Have to say that when I got home I had a small hope that she might have left a note (and maybe a few bucks that she "borrowed".

She ran away 1.25 years ago and I haven't seen or heard from her. It's odd that she is in town - she burnt all her bridges.

I have mixed feelings about the possiblity she may surface - the ending was painful for both of us. I've healed and still love her but know I could never have her in my life again. Just to be safe I'm going to write out a "boundary strategy" just in case ie.NO MAKE UP SEX - that would be like relapsing on a dangerous narcotic.

Anyone else had an ex re-appear after significant no contact? How did you handle it.

[free-n-clear]

I had a small hope that she might have left a note (and maybe a few bucks that she "borrowed".

            . Sorry.

[Hidden Dragon]

Hi, thats a hot   topic, but dude 'no make up sex' as a strategy,  are you kidding me? 

[free-n-clear]

  nolisan, no offence intended, dude. It's just that my uBPDxgf cost me thousands, much of it, as you say, "borrowed". If I never get one red cent of it back, it'll still be a small price to pay to have her out of my life.

[nolisan]

No offence taken. Jeeze... .a year later and no contact hasleft me slighty delusional. I was thinking she might behave like a normal person !

[Iwalk-Heruns]

No offence taken. Jeeze... .a year later and no contact hasleft me slighty delusional. I was thinking she might behave like a normal person !

After time it's easy to forget the severity of how abnormal it all was. It has happened to me. Our minds play games with us kind and remember the good more than the bad. Kind of like how a woman forgets the extreme pain of childbirth and only remembers the good. Probably not a great analogy because one is for good and one is bad. But something to that effect.

[santa]

If you'd talked to her, you wouldn't have liked what she had to say.

My BPDex's head is filled with absolute garbage. She's got all these distorted delusions about our relationship. Totally vilified me. It's a complete waste of time to even talk to her.

Basically, she's good and you're bad. Got it? 

[CVA]

My friend

It happend to me,, a year later, after her dissappearnce after a 3 week marriage... less than a few days it was havoc and chaos and pain,, distorted views and all i did was give my power away, cuz i loved her, hoping she had changed... then a year after that, she appears, and i was in disbelief that she even stayed in town, as she was from the west coast and i brought ehr to the east... .it was a pailful talk... again, me heart broke and i gave away my power, again, 8 months later she calls, says she still has feelings,... I end it... and ask her to never contact me again... I wanted to heal... and not be broken anymore,

dont look back... .dont play with them... they will say things to get to you, and if you have a inkling of feelings for her she will find it and play it... .you will be villified, and she may even brag about her new lover while cuckolding you... forget about it...

[nolisan]

I am glad I posted here. I had forgotten so much of what I had learned. Thanks everyone for the reminder. BPDs are dangerous - my ex was particularly cunning (ie queen/witch type)

I AM going to remain NC even to the point of not opening the door if I hear a knock or letting unknown calls ring through.

I need to remember "curiousity killed the cat".

[Calm Waters]

I am in so much dread about bumping in to my ex who lives in the next town that I actually avoid going there. I have seen her in her car coming the other way and there is one mutual friend that I seem to bump in to almost everywhere i go. Its a constant reminder of the hell she put me through, and perhaps I did her or so she feels. Its a difficult one this but I know that of she made contact I would find it extremely difficult not to respond. However I have been warned by the Police that if I speak to her, there could be consequences; that is torture knowing that if i bumped into her she has the power to engage or not and I am effectively disempowered. A small part of me still has hope that we could come to some closure one day but knowing how she has treataed other ex's that is extremely unlikely. SO i believe no contact and destroy all hope of resolution is best

[Iwalk-Heruns]

My friend

It happend to me,, a year later, after her dissappearnce after a 3 week marriage... less than a few days it was havoc and chaos and pain,, distorted views and all i did was give my power away, cuz i loved her, hoping she had changed... then a year after that, she appears, and i was in disbelief that she even stayed in town, as she was from the west coast and i brought ehr to the east... .it was a pailful talk... again, me heart broke and i gave away my power, again, 8 months later she calls, says she still has feelings,... I end it... and ask her to never contact me again... I wanted to heal... and not be broken anymore,

dont look back... .dont play with them... they will say things to get to you, and if you have a inkling of feelings for her she will find it and play it... .you will be villified, and she may even brag about her new lover while cuckolding you... forget about it...

That's really horrible. Sorry you experienced that CVA.

[heartandwhole]

Nolisan,

That is rough.  You seem to be handling this really well, though.  After a little more than a year of NC, my pwBPD wrote a poem to me.  It brought up lots of feelings.  Nothing like seeing him in person, but it was a bit of a shock.

I didn't respond and I think it was the right thing, for me.

I totally understand the curiosity, although it might be best not to be the cat. 

[babyspook]

Nolisan, yeah pleeeease no makeup sex!  I don't care if you're Hannibal Lecter... .don't do it!  WOW have I screwed up multiple times with that move.  Each time I went into it, I told her it was strictly sex and nothing else and that we weren't getting back together.  She agreed.  3 recycles later... .  Ha ha!

[Aussie0zborn]

If you'd talked to her, you wouldn't have liked what she had to say... .

Basically, she's good and you're bad. Got it? 

Well said. That's what it boils down to. Listening to anything could set you back in your healing. Nothing good can come of it.