Suicidal ideation

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

He is sending text and telling me he will sending out letters to everyone to let them know how awful I am.  He said to keep checking the obituaries and would prepay for his funderal and list me as the caretaker.   He has threatened before but never attempted.   I have not heard from him in a day but honestly I have not tried to call.  See my brother killed himself and he knows that this is painful for me.  I really don't know what to do.  I'd call the cops but he has so much legal troubles already.  I keep thinking he will just leave me alone if I leave him alone.  He hates me.

[drv3006]

He is sending text and telling me he will sending out letters to everyone to let them know how awful I am.  He said to keep checking the obituaries and would prepay for his funderal and list me as the caretaker.   He has threatened before but never attempted.   I have not heard from him in a day but honestly I have not tried to call.  See my brother killed himself and he knows that this is painful for me.  I really don't know what to do.  I'd call the cops but he has so much legal troubles already.  I keep thinking he will just leave me alone if I leave him alone.  He hates me.

[drv3006]

Also have any of you ever went to read a borderline forum.   Its like we are the insane ones.  They take about putting their all in a relationship.  This guy was going to return everything I gave him.  I said I would do the same.  Cause he never gave me anything.  Nothing.  I have not one thing of his that he ever gave, not even a card.   i can count on my hands how many times he bought food or soda.  And he bought a can of coffee once.    I mean, really and he's gonna kill himself.

[nolisan]

If the threat sounds real - call the police. If not ... . call anyways.

[strikeforce]

BPDs have the highest rates of suicide. My ex spent time in a mental hospital after she tried to kill herself before we met.

She continually self harmed when we were together.

I always take a threat of suicide seriously. Its a cry for help. Best thing to do is contact their family if you can and explain the situation.

If its an immediate threat call the police.

[FindingMe2011]

Also have any of you ever went to read a borderline forum.   Its like we are the insane ones.  They take about putting their all in a relationship.  This guy was going to return everything I gave him.  I said I would do the same.  Cause he never gave me anything.  Nothing.  I have not one thing of his that he ever gave, not even a card.   i can count on my hands how many times he bought food or soda.  And he bought a can of coffee once.    I mean, really and he's gonna kill himself.  

If the threat sounds real - call the police. If not ... . call anyways  

drv,

  You are not responsible, nor trained, to deal with this type of behavior. If you have texts that proves this, take them to authorities. This would be the responsible thing to do, and would show this person, that he is crossing the line, to pull on your heart strings... . The other end of the spectrum, is that, its real, and doing nothing would weigh heavy on you, if he should do this... . and yes, many with BPD commit suicide. Their choice, and the easy way out... . I wish you well, PEACE  

[Calm Waters]

yes my mother starved herself to death last week... . after many suicide attempts throughout her life, she got to 87 though!

[heartandwhole]

drv, this is really hard, I'm sorry that you have to hear this, especially after your brother's suicide. 

Have you thought of texting him a local hotline number?  Or calling a friend or relative of his, so that they can go an check on him?

You can do your best to help, keeping your own well being in mind, too.  Here's a link that will be helpful if you haven't seen it yet:

TOOLS: Dealing with threats of Suicide and Suicide Attempts

[drv3006]

Thank you everyone.   The last time he did this I told him I was calling the police and he left the house.  I know suicide is real.  My brother is a perfect example.  He knows this upsets me and he has been doing it for the last three weeks.   So here is the deal.  His mother just passed away and I have been there the entire time, but he says I am not.  His only two siblings are mentally retarded and in state nursing homes.   His ex and his children have nothing to do with him.  He has been fighting his third DUI case for three years now and he has supervised visitation with his kids only five hours a week.  So he always tells me when I threaten to call the cops I am making his life worse that he can't see his kids.  Anything I do I will feel horrible.  I know the responsible thing to do is to call the cops.  its just if he keeps pulling my leg and I do, he will never see his kids.   I am finally realizing there is no hope for him.  I thought there was because he had taken DBT.  I even went to see his doctor.   Even on here I get nervous cause I am afraid he is on here.  I don't know.  I think I keep him around for fear of the not knowing what is happening.  Like now.  I have not received any text after 400 text in a day (mostly his)  for a day and a half.  He could be dead already or I call and then I am back where I was.   I don't know what to do.   We have a stupid snow storm here in the midwest and I had to cancel my appointment for the doc.  Don't see him till the 23rd.  This is awful, but I think I am at the end of my rope.  Suicide is not a good issue for me.  For anyone but I know it happens.

[Perfidy]

Suicide happens when the pain outweighs the resources. Reduce the pain or increase the resources. Thoughts of suicide are fairly normal. Acting on those thoughts by attempting or threatening is not normal. I myself have had suicidal thoughts. I did not attempt or threaten. The action that I chose was seeking help.

[State85]

My exgf pulled a knife from my kitchen on two different occasions, and started flicking it at her wrist. The first time, I got it away from her, thankfully she didn’t stick me with it. The second time I talked her down, and she handed it to me. She has sent me texts saying she is not worth anything, and everyone would be better off if she is gone.

I’m not a P or T, and have no study in suicide or attempts. But, it seems to me that if someone is going to try and kill (or hurt) themselves, they would not do it in front of someone. If someone is seriously contemplating this, they would do it by themselves where no one could stop them. Almost the same if sending texts threatening to hurt or kill themselves. In some ways, I think my ex was sending me texts with these threats to just get my attention….I don’t know.

Anyway, as others have posted, I would take it seriously and let the proper people/authorities handle it.

[ucmeicu2]

Also have any of you ever went to read a borderline forum.   Its like we are the insane ones.  They take about putting their all in a relationship.  This guy was going to return everything I gave him.  I said I would do the same.  Cause he never gave me anything.  Nothing.  I have not one thing of his that he ever gave, not even a card.   i can count on my hands how many times he bought food or soda.  And he bought a can of coffee once.    I mean, really and he's gonna kill himself.

no i haven't but i'd like to ~ which BPD forum do you recommend?   might as well go there, seems enough BPD people come here and hang out,    dragging us thru their BPD drama... . is there no sanctuary for Nons anywhere?   

firstly, it was similarly lopsided in my BPD r/s, too, gift giving etc.   secondly, i'm so so sorry about your brother.  i personally know how hard that is.   

second, i felt guilty and confused, just like you.  i was seeing a T at the time and here;s what she told me:

* go NC

*if exBPDgf makes any threats to self-harm or suicide, call 911 immediately and let them handle it and let it go at that. then, you are done, free and clear.  (well actually she told me to just IGNORE my BPDex threats.  she said my (all?) BPDx was a highly skilled, manipulative liar!  but when i said i couldnt live with myself if she attempted n succeeded, my T gave me the other advice to call 911.)

your ex is not your responsibility anymore.  he is likely just yanking your chain for attention and to punish you maybe... . but you can never be too sure... . and if it turns out he IS serious then of course you might feel awful and riddled w/guilt if he succeeded at suicide.

you are likely more vulnerable in this arene b/c of your brother, so don't get tangled up in it!  call 911 and then wash your hands of it.  change your phone number.  and as far as not being able to see his kids if you 911?  jeez, if that's what the courts decide then maybe his kids are better off, huh? 

[drv3006]

I am just gonna do nothing.  That was January 7 soo. . . . but I know I can't keep putting up with that crazy.  See that is an entirely different crazy to me.

You want to blame me about your lousy divorce because I work for attorneys (not divorce attorneys though), go ahead, you want to say I am not supportive or I do nothing when I do, go ahead, you want to call me every name in the book or accuse me of everything that you do, go ahead.  But this stuff about killing yourself or other people.  And yes he has said that to me too.  That he would hurt others.  But after swears he would not.   Well, that I cannot deal with.   If he killed himself or someone else, I would be sick.

I mean really this is just too goofy to me.   

[ShadowDancer]

Suicide is a personal decision and in my opinion, in the face of further physical and or spiritual suffering a personal right. If one is determined to act upon this notion no amount of pleading or reasoning is going to change the outcome.

My brother committed suicide as well several years ago due to rapidly escalating poor respiratory and spinal health and also his long term alcoholism and pain medication dependency. I was the only one he told of his contemplations concerning his suffering and discomfort. We discussed this grim reality at length. I told him I'd prefer he not do this but given the circumstances of his failing health I understood the alternatives were not any more pleasant than him choosing his own time for leaving this place. It was I who found him after the fact and even though I was in a state of shock as he did not tell me when he intended to leave, I was truly in awe of his final act of fortitude and courage. I recall murmuring the the words at the sight as "so you suffer no more dear brother". In his untenable situation of deteriorating ill health this was an act of his own personal courage and his genuine concern for not wanting to burden his loved ones, and I respect and love him for that. It was tragic and hard for both he and I. And I miss him.

After personally walking this road I presently find the disordered individuals who threaten suicide for a selfish reaction of sympathy and compassion from those of us who truly care for them to be striking a blow far below the reasonable emotional belt. This is a literal kick in the emotional crotch by the absolutely lowest form of a groveling self centered beggar. How dare they live so low.

[Soldier Of Sorrow]

~ which BPD forum do you recommend?   might as well go there, seems enough BPD people come here and hang out,    dragging us thru their BPD drama... . is there no sanctuary for Nons anywhere?   

ucmeicu2,

I hear you and I totally understand how you feel about this Leaving Board sometimes being infiltrated by pwBPD.

But as an advisor on this board has enlightened me recently,

"BDFamily is here to help people in emotional turmoil.  Sometimes, because of lack of family or insurance, we are the only care a person gets.   We have reported deaths of members or family every year.

It is true that BDFamily is for "nons", but that line is sometimes blurry.  If we have a BPD mom or a BPD child, we are in that lineage.  And if we are have FOO issues and get enmeshed with a wBPD, we also can be a bit of a mess."

I guess, just like in real life, there really are NO true sanctuaries that could shelter those of us who have been traumatized by pwBPD, and are currently in healing, from what you called "their BPD drama".

It is just something that we all must learn to be tolerant to and accept unconditionally on this board (just like in real life).

So brace yourself, and do not be shocked or feel violated (like I once foolishly was) if you come across members posting the details of their intoxicated suicide attempts in here... .

(And trust me, reading their posts WILL unsettle you. Or it will re-open some/all of your old psychic wounds.)


Anyhoo, stay strong and stay sane!




SoS

[Tolou]

The whole thing with self-harm and suicide is so dangerous and messy ground to walk on.  It literally turned my life up-side down, multiple attempts, many threats, thank god she didn't succeed in her attempts and has now gained stability.  It took her an entire year to become what appeared to be stable and return to work, then, I broke no-contact and she made another threat, so I retreated to no-contact for the last 7 months and maintained it.

It is not an easy situation.  There is only so much you can when someone is saying they want to hurt themselves because it is not our repsonsibility to in control of somone will to live or their happiness.  For them to out that in or on us is not for fair to them or us.  If you think you have control, you don't.  The best thing you can do for this person crying for help and in pain is them know you care about them, and that you want them to be alive.  Let them know of different forms of support that are available and ask if they need that assistance.

You need to be careful for youself too.  Being the person hearing these things can you get you filled with a lot of stress, anxiety, guilt, etc... . it is part of the projection, even ptsd.  So, you should ask yourself what makes you think that you have that type of power to stop anyone from doing this.  The more you pay attention to this behavior he can use to cry for help.  Do not tolerate it, call for help, his family and authorities, then leave it alone.  Thats the best thing you can do.  If he does have family let them know, what is going on.  Call for help, 911 when he threatens and don't let him, if you think he is being serious, and that the thing, you just never know when they will follow through?  You have to becareful.  I have been there and I hated the feeling, it is so draining... . I still think about it from time to time.  I wish all the luck int he world.!