Hi islington girl
My situation is similar but we are much older than u.
My gf and I have been together for almost 4 years. She was dx with BPD in her late teens. She went thru years of intense therapy and does fairly well
She too has "bad spaces". She is in one currently actually.
She feels very distant and closed to me right now. She says there is an "issue". But has not yet disclosed what it is. She has a lot of physical illnesses that are flaring right now and that doesn't help either.
It's so hard sometimes! I am not anxious but I have anxious attachment and tend to feel very insecure. This over the years has caused some massive fights when coupled with her bad space.
My biggest advice for you would be to keep yourself centered. If I am feeling anxious or insecure I don't talk with her until that passes. We also do not live together. It's super hard but I have to self soothe and not rely on her to make me feel any better about the relationship. She simply can't. My emotions will only feed hers and worsen the situation.
This is often easier said than done sometimes but makes a world of difference.
She had BPD and these "bad spaces" well before me. I am not the cause of it and I can't fix it. I can only choose to ride it out.
We stay in communication. If she doesn't want to talk about whatever the issue is, I ask once and then we table it. That way she knows I still care about her and her suffering (I haven't forgotten). But she has the right to wait until she is ready to talk. Pushing her does no good
So mostly I talk. I chat about my day, about my life,my work, whatever. And that seems to help her.
I go do things for myself during this time period as well. It helps
We are planning on working thru the book the high conflict couple together. But I have read it on my own aand some of the lessons in the book have been incredibly helpful in keeping me centered.
I know it's hard!
Amu