Long time no see. Need help with my 75 year old MIL

[Depression = 72% of members]

  hey everyone.  It's Been a while since I've been here, but MIL tried to hand me a package of ___ this afternoon and I thought I'd check in.

DH and I are mid 40s with 3 teens.  Busy household.  :)H is a busy doctor, so it's all I can do to keep my head above water.

MIL is 75.  She is an only child.  :)H is an only child.  She lives alone, is desperately unhappy and has zero social skills and no close friends.  She has uncontrolled diabetes (she eats sugar) and Im starting to wonder in addition to BPD if she is getting vascular dementia, etc.  She's not right to put it bluntly.

Plus she is a huge drag to be around.

I've stopped asking her to do things with me because she never wants to go anywhere or do anything.  She put a 5k mileage limit on her car and last month she decided to stop driving at night because she "can't see" (hasn't had an eye exam in 2 years).  I tried to take her to an eye exam and she yelled at me.

She doesn't want to come over here and hang out.  What she wants is to "feel old" (she has always been like this) and she wants us to come to her house and to be her entertainment, for us to be responsible for her happiness, on her terms, whenever she wants and of course it is all never enough. (All at her house)

I realized today I hadn't heard from her in 4 days.  (How nice!) so I called to see what was going on (welfare check).

When I asked what she was doing, she said in a pitiful crying voice with a little mean tinge to it, "Nothing.  Starting at the 4 walls."

So I said, "o.k. Well, you go do that.   talk to you later." And I hung up.

I'm not accepting her bombs any more.  She can keep them to herself.  She is mobile.  She is an adult.  She can drive.  She has to figure this out herself.

Thank you.  I just needed to vent.

[boatingwoman]

  hey everyone.  It's Been a while since I've been here, but MIL tried to hand me a package of ___ this afternoon and I thought I'd check in.

DH and I are mid 40s with 3 teens.  Busy household.  :)H is a busy doctor, so it's all I can do to keep my head above water.

MIL is 75.  She is an only child.  :)H is an only child.  She lives alone, is desperately unhappy and has zero social skills and no close friends.  She has uncontrolled diabetes (she eats sugar) and Im starting to wonder in addition to BPD if she is getting vascular dementia, etc.  She's not right to put it bluntly.

Plus she is a huge drag to be around.

I've stopped asking her to do things with me because she never wants to go anywhere or do anything.  She put a 5k mileage limit on her car and last month she decided to stop driving at night because she "can't see" (hasn't had an eye exam in 2 years).  I tried to take her to an eye exam and she yelled at me.

She doesn't want to come over here and hang out.  What she wants is to "feel old" (she has always been like this) and she wants us to come to her house and to be her entertainment, for us to be responsible for her happiness, on her terms, whenever she wants and of course it is all never enough. (All at her house)

I realized today I hadn't heard from her in 4 days.  (How nice!) so I called to see what was going on (welfare check).

When I asked what she was doing, she said in a pitiful crying voice with a little mean tinge to it, "Nothing.  Starting at the 4 walls."

So I said, "o.k. Well, you go do that.   talk to you later." And I hung up.

I'm not accepting her bombs any more.  She can keep them to herself.  She is mobile.  She is an adult.  She can drive.  She has to figure this out herself.

Thank you.  I just needed to vent.

[Marcia]

Absolutely correct! She sounds so much like my BPD mom in old age-also an only child who doesn't see why everything should be on her terms. I guarantee you that giving in to her whims will get you no where. With my mom, she doesn't have any idea what she wants, she just KNOWS she isn't getting it. That's the pay off, demonstrating that NOBODY CARES.

Please go on living your life. Your MIL IS doing what she wants, and that is being miserable. You can't fix that and neither can your DH or your kids.

Good luck, and don't be afraid to stick up for yourself!

[boatingwoman]

Thanks, Marcia.   

I just bought a book on Kindle called "dealing with your difficult older parent".  It's helpful so far.

I find she gets much worse when she is eating sugar.  I can't make her take care of herself either.

Thanks again for reading.  I feel better now.  You stay strong and take care of yourself too!