Well, after last night's FB debacle, I had a decision to make today.
Go duck hunting or go to my 1st class of the semester. Well, nobody goes to the 1st class, right?
So, my buddy and I went hunting and I sure let out some much needed alpha agression. Haven't done it in a LONG time, but had a hell of a time. Didn't talk or seek advice about her once. Just out there in the marsh in the middle of nowhere, calling ducks and having "Cash" retrieve the deads or cripples. Gave my ducks to the guys on the dock to have, I don't eat them, came home and took a much needed nap.
I went to an AA meeting tonight, and got to tell you I am exhausted. I been around friends all day today, made a sarcastic jab at her once this evening but other than that it was a peaceful day. NO headaches, no worries. I learned a big lesson last night. If you want to be hurt by your BPD, if you want them to still have control over your emotions, if you want them to rent space rent free in your brain, if you want them to continue to hurt you... . then go find out how they are doing. Either way you look at it, your mind will play an image of what she/he is doing no matter if they are doing anything wrong or not.
Mine had VERY crappy music on her wall on FB, and all I wanted to do was interpret the gosh darn lyrics of the song and how they related to me. It doesn't help... . lesson learned. AGAIN. Getting back on that dirt road, the one I packed a tent for. It's a long walk, I know, but I can kick a few rolling stones around on the way to my destination.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=-bmmdODw8Xw
