The road to hell is paved with good intentions

[iluminati]

In my experience, with my stbxw (as soon as her lawyers get their act together) and with other pwBPD, intentions seem to matter more than actions.  Over the years, after doing something horrible or something else that had me in their feelings, if deflection or outright submission didn't work to get you off their back, their fallback is the concept of intention.  For example, with my stbxw, if she forgot something important to me, or if it was clear that she did something that hurt me, she would apologize and say "I didn't mean to do XYZ".

Also, I've seen in venues where self-identified pwBPD speak, the first thing most frequently mentioned (even after some admittedly bitter nons have said their piece) is "People with BPD don't mean to do (such and such cruel thing).  We're really good people."

How have you dealt with that in your relationships?  I'm curious about the strategies that people use to deal with the whole "I didn't mean to" movement.

[santa]

Legally speaking, reckless infliction of emotional distress and intentional infliction of emotional distress are the same thing. There is no difference.

If she was reckless and it caused you harm, then it is the equivalent of it being intentional.

She did exactly what she meant to do.

[whatarideout]

I'm curious about the strategies that people use to deal with the whole "I didn't mean to" movement.

the government doesn't care that you "intended" to pay your taxes... .

your employer doesn't care that you "intended" to show up for work... .

the person on life support doesn't care that you "intended" to call a cab and not drive home drunk... .

the only strategy a person needs in this life, is to judge people based on their actions and actions alone. it doesn't matter how "nice" or well "intended" a person is. results are the only thing that matters when dealing with whatever condition you find yourself in. they are the only accurate gauge towards understanding why you are in the position you find yourself.

if you're not measuring your life based on the results you and the people around you are creating, you should be... .

[myself]

Even young children know to apologize for accidents. To learn from what happened and not do it again. PwBPD very rarely seem to take responsibility for their actions. To them, it's never their fault.

[sun seeker]

 My xdBPDgf apologize for being distant , and then say I never was distant if it came up again.it only came up again if she started acting distant  (hanging with my replacement)

Santa and myself and whatarideout hit the nail on the head.

[Moonie75]

Quote from me Ole Dad here... .

"Actions make a man. Words make just make a story teller"


Had that drummed into me as a boy.