Perplexed

[jessica]

It's been years since I've been on the site. My girl has really risen above so many of her challenges. She's 20 now and she's been in an adult relationship for a year and a half living with her bf. Recently a horrible fight happened where her arm was terribly Bruised. Her BF is much bigger than her. He is a very sweet sensitive man. She is a very small woman. I'm upset because she needs to take responsibility for her actions. She's tried to kill me multiple times and I've had bruises head to toe, And I'm at least 30 pounds heavier. Usually I don't even defend myself in these situations but I have had to. I used to hide behind a locked door for hours. There were times when shovels and chairs were used as weapons. Her bf Is the only person who's ever been able to calm her. She still has her episodes and he usually can handle Them without having to defend himself. I try to stay out of this. Now a friend has made a nasty post on Facebook about the boyfriend and his abusive. It brought me to tears because I was the butt of HER abuse for years. Funny thing is the friend and my daughter have gotten in fights where they raised their hand to each other. Just realizing these episodes are never going to go away And she's never going to have a healthy relationship

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[crazedncrazymom]

Hi Jessica!  Welcome back to BPD Family!

It sounds like your daughter still needs a lot of help and support.  It also sounds like you are still traumatized from the ordeal of living in a physically abusive relationship.  I'm really sorry you've gone through all of that.  Physical abuse is never okay.  Everyone needs to have a safety plan and the police should be called every single time a situation turns violent.

Have you had any counseling to help you deal with that kind of trauma?  I can imagine the fear and anger you must have felt. 

I admit though I am a little confused.  Your daughters boyfriend gave her a horrible bruise and you consider it ok because your daughter gave you bruises?  Is your daughter generally physical with her boyfriend? 

Workshop - US: Physically abusive relationships: Are you in one?

TOOLS: Domestic Violence Against Women

TOOLS: Domestic Violence Against Men

Safety First

Take care of yourself and keep posting!

-crazed

[jellibeans]

Dear Jessica

I am sorry you are going through such a hard time. It is so hard to see our children struggle. For me it just hurts my heart but I have come to realize my dd16 needs to learn these lessons and hopefully she will learn from what she goes through. she is still young and has many years ahead of her. Don't give up hope.

Is your daughter getting any help? therapist? Meds?

[MammaMia]

Jessica

It is unfair of the friend who posted on FB to assume anything about your dd's relationship.  Do you think dd told her she was abused by her bf?  It may be true or she may have said he hurt her because she was angry.  He could have been defending himself just as easily.   

In any event, it really is not the friend's place to involve herself and announce to the world the bf is abusive.

Given your dd's history, no one knows what really happened or why, but it definitely should be investigated.