This Helped Me Today

[NoCRV]

Hey Everyone,

I think I am slowly detaching. It's been almost three months since my break up with the uBPDex.  I have not heard from her since she is with her recycled ex.  At times I fear that I will hear from her again and at times I want to hear from her.  Since I do not know the answer to that, I wrote of list of what I do know:

I don't want to be with someone who wants to hurt me.

I don't want to be with someone where my love triggers abandonment.

I don't want to be a babysitter.

I don't want to hurt like this again.

If we were to recycle and break up, I would be in therapy.

I cannot fix her.  She has to do that on her own.

I don't want a relationship where I constantly worry about infidelity while she is drunk.

I don't want to be with someone who has drinking problem.

I don't want to be someone who is needed, I want to be loved.

She is low functioning and that will never change.

She cannot love me if she doesn't love herself.

I will not find happiness with her, only a struggle.

I do not want to be in so much pain where I believe death would be easier.

[CoasterRider]

good strategy, puts things into prospective to reality not memory lane which always see's things better than they were ... .

[NoCRV]

Thanks CoasterRider.  Just a clarification, I didn't mean to come off as making therapy a bad thing.  Someone told me the recycled ex has a lot of mental issues.  I just didn't want her to do that to me.

[santa]

Knowing that it will be a constant struggle is a huge deterrent.

[NoCRV]

They all should be Santa.  I should write more on my list.  I find myself wanting to reach out to her.  It's a strange addiction.

[Tausk]

I'll add one to the list:

I love her.  However, the only thing I have left to give her is absolute boundaries of no contact.  This is because any contact between us will only cause more damage.  The disorder always wins.   I may be able to survive the destruction, but it will simply cause a further downward spiral in her life. 

Therefore, my last and most loving gift to her is no contact... . forever.

Sadness.

[NoCRV]

Inspirational Tausk.  Have you slipped on no contact?  I went into directly in NC with her after the break up.

I did have a conversation with her sister but I feel like I need to get some stuff off my chest with her directly.

[ogopogodude]

Excellent. I copied and pasted this blurb onto my desktop in order to refer to it on occasion.

Thanks.

[ogopogodude]

List:

I don't want to be with someone who wants to hurt me.

I don't want to be with someone where my love triggers abandonment.

I don't want to be a babysitter.

I don't want to hurt like this again.

If we were to recycle and break up, I would be in therapy.

I cannot fix her.  She has to do that on her own.

I don't want a relationship where I constantly worry about infidelity while she is drunk.

I don't want to be with someone who has drinking problem.

I don't want to be someone who is needed, I want to be loved.

She is low functioning and that will never change.

She cannot love me if she doesn't love herself.

I will not find happiness with her, only a struggle.

I do not want to be in so much pain where I believe death would be easier.