My lovely son

[Kifazes]

My oldest son was 'diagnosed' ADHD and Autisme last year. Name for it was McDD.

(in my mind, he's a perfectly normal boy, but the new trend is that kids have labels!)

He's now 8 y/o, 7 when they diagnosed him.

Now when I started to inform myself about all of this, I came upon something that have kept me awake at night. They say that people with McDD tend to develop BPD when growing up (please tell me that's not true, my BPDbf is already more than I can handle).

But how likely will it be?

There are no mental illnesses in my family, and nobody seems to agree with the schooldoctors about the McDD.

They scared the sh... . t out of me!

Thanks for responding!

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Rapt Reader]

Hi, Kifazes... .

I'm so sorry for all this fear and dread that you are going through with your son. I have a son who had undiagnosed ADD as a child, and other diagnoses, that were only formalized when he was an adult. He did end up with BPD as a diagnosis last spring. He has never been diagnosed with McDD... . I am probably just clueless (and it's not the first time   ), but I don't know what McDD is, so I have no idea if it is a precursor to BPD or not (is it just the combination of ADHD & Autism?).

But 8 years old is really young to be slated for a diagnosis of BPD, so please don't panic if you can help it. I do suppose that having a boyfriend with BPD would make every one of your nerve endings be on alert if people are telling you that your son's McDD means he will end up with BPD. And that would panic anyone 

Now, I do have a nephew who is in his early 20's right now, and he had been diagnosed with ADD, Autism & Asperger's spectrum (I do not believe anyone ever said anything about McDD) when he was really little. And he has no BPD diagnosis, and as far as I can see, he has many problems with his personality behaviors, but he doesn't seem BPD to me. I don't know if any of this helps you or not, but I wouldn't panic right now about it... . But I would be using the communication tools and techniques that are linked to on the right-hand side of the page here under TOOLS and THE LESSONS, and reading and learning everything you can around here.

You can help your son (and using these techniques are hopefully already helping you with your boyfriend), and hopefully head off a troublesome future for him by helping him with what you learn here. Please tell us more about your son... . What does McDD mean in regard to his symptoms and behaviors? How are his diagnoses affecting him and your family right now? What problems does he have, and how does he handle them? How are his problems affecting you? Telling us more can help us understand more how to guide you 

[crazedncrazymom]

Hi Kifazes,

It is so smart of you to be proactive and learn as much as you can about the issues your son may face.  BPD generally has a biological and an environmental factor.  It's my belief that if you study and apply the skills we teach here at BPD Family that you can minimize any developing BPD symptoms.  I agree with Rapt that 8 years old is far too young to diagnose BPD.

That being said, I'd like to tell you a story from when my daughter was a baby.  When she was 6 months old she was diagnosed with congenital nystagmus (her eyes randomly wobble back and forth).  I went home and did much reading on the internet.  I finished sometime in the middle of the night.  I was devastated by what I had read.  90% of children with nystagmus end up legally blind and qualified for government assistance.  I was thrown into a depression and I cried for the entire two weeks it took us to see a pediatric eye dr.  I took my baby to the doctor and anxiously awaited the dreaded words.  But she said that what she was seeing was fairly minimal and as far as she could tell dd could see fine.  We took her twice a year to be monitored and when she was 7 we were able to get her lifetime outlook.  Effects would be minimal and most likely the only longtime effect would be that dd would not be able to drive at night. 

Anyway, the point is I put myself through all that drama and depression and fear over something that, granted is bad because nobody wants their eyes to wobble, never played out.  We moms are programmed to worry and obsess over our children.  You have a lot to deal with!  How are you coping with your sons autism and ADHD?  That has to be so hard and heartbreaking! 

I wonder about the ADHD and autism especially if what you see seems normal to you.  My son has aspergers and presented as a perfectly wonderful normal little boy most times and so shy and withdrawn when he was out of his comfort zone.  What did they see that caused them to diagnose autism? 

[Kifazes]

Thank you both for replying!

First of all:

McDD is Multiple Complex Developmental Disorder.

I didn't found a site in english yet, since that is not my native language. But this should clear out a bit I guess.

His diagnosis isn't really effecting us as a family. Except for what my ex is doing (my son's dad). He put him in a special school, which is reallky influencing his behavior and grades. He'll probably never can go to a normal school again. Which I find really sad, and most because my ex did it behind my back. But that's another story :-)

What they see to diagnose ADHD and ADD?

Well, the things they've said, sounded really "normal" to me, but I'm not a pro ofcourse.

In class he would giggle and talk with his friends, which in my eyes seems normal, I did that too in class when I was younger. His grades weren't amazing, but ever since kindergarten I've asked the school let him do a year over (he is from december, and is basically a year younger than his classmates).

He can be enthousiastic about things, like a field trip or something. Which I was also very excited about when I was a kid. Sometimes so nervous that I really got sick the day before.

Uhm, that he drew dragons and wolves and such. Which he is totally into since Dragons Riders of Berk came out. Oh, and that he mostly draws cars (I asked him, and he likes to draw them because he finds that he's good at it).

Because he's afraid of the dark a little bit (dragons under the bed and all).

Which to me seem all normal for a boy of 8... . But than again, I'm not a pro.

He has trouble concentrate, to a level that a friend in class can talk to him and he'd talk back. But when he's at home, playing with his Lego or anything else for that matter, he's totally concentrated. Put together a Lego Technic car for 12 y/o all by his own, without distractions. Homework goes really well, and he loves to do it. Reading time is a pleasure with him cause he really reads his books (he starts giggling when a word like 'boogers' is written in the book, that way I know he's really paying attention to what he's reading).

My youngest one shows all these things too, and he's so called normal. I really don't see the difference.

They listen when they need to, they're well behaved, saying thank you and please whenever it's in order. And everywhere I go everybody compliments me on how great listeners my kids are, and how polite they are.

So I don't really know how to handle all these diagnoses when I can see nothing wrong. And if I can't see what's wrong, I can't do anything to help him. If he already should be diagnosed with these things.

In my mind it's like too many kids are diagnosed ADHD and ADD and all... . 5 in his class already last year! It's just crazy. Like you have to get a label to fit in.

I refuse to put him on meds, as the school recommended. I just will not do it to a kid that is perfectly fine.

They also told me that he always follows what his friends are doing. So if his friends are being little brats in class, he is too. When I asked the school if he ever started such things, they said no.

Then again, I don't really see the problem. Doesn't every kid wants to fit in? And if he would be the only one being quiet and good, there probably would be something wrong too, you know what I mean?


Sorry about the long post :-) And I hope my english wasn't too bad to read :-)

Thanks again!

[crazedncrazymom]

Have you asked the dr what they are seeing to give him these labels?  I would tell them what you see from your son doesn't seem any different than any other kid.  Sometimes it's better to ask them to describe what they see from your son versus how another child would react.  I agree that everyone is so eager to diagnose kids with something.  When I was a kid they said sit, be quiet and pay attention or I'll smack your hand with a ruler.  Now we give them medication.  That being said though, I would definitely talk to the dr before you dismiss his opinions.  If your son does need help it's best to do it now while he's young.

-crazed

[Eclaire5]

I agree with CCMom, if he is indeed tested and he has ADHD, I would follow his doctor's recommendations. I think that ADHD is overly diagnosed nowadays, but if a child goes untreated, the chances of them having serious problems later on in life are much greater than the ones who receive treatment. I have been reading Dr. Amen's book on the different types of ADHD, and I think one of the reasons my DD20 now displays BPD traits is because she is the temporal lobe type of ADHD, which is very similar to BPD. She was treated with concerta from ages 12 to 14 and did very well at the time. Then I got paranoid about all the side effects of those medications and got her off the meds. Needless to say, it was a big mistake! Shortly after that, her behavior went down the drain and by 16 y/o she was a full blown BPD in and out of the hospital. I am not saying your son will go down the same road, but with the experience I had, I realize that following professional advice is better than taking it upon ourselves.

[delusionalxox]

I am in the UK and am STUNNED that the symptoms you describe are being labelled pathological for an 8 year old!

Both my (perfectly normal) sons would have been diagnosed with disorders if in the US, I am sure. It is a ridiculous pharmaceutical-market-led phenomenon which pathologises perfectly normal behaviour. I really think you should ignore it and I frankly doubt that there is any risk of BPD at all as there is clearly NOTHING WRONG WITH HIM! He is 8 for heaven's sake!

[Kifazes]

Thanks again for repllying :-)

I don't live in the US, but in Belgium. It's the new trend over here to get your kid diagnosed.

I really did have a lot of conversations with the doctors, told them that he wasn't showing any out of the 'normal' behavior that I knew off.

I find it so sad... . Now he's labeled, in a special school, and for what?

Now they're saying that he is copying the kids in his class (some of them who have a severe form of ADHD and other disorders). Yeah well, I don't blame my kid for trying to fit in.

Like said above, when we went to school, we had to be quiet. If we didn't, detention on Wednesday afternoon. And we had the kids with great grades, and kids that didn't do so well. And the ones who had to do over their year.

That's another thing I find so depressing and frustrating. I've been asking them for over 3 years to let him do his year over. Cause his grades are OK, but can be better. They never even tried that!

It's so sad that kids can't be kids anymore these days.  He loves being outside on the look out for bugs and snales. He loves playing in the woods, loves creepy stories, loves to draw cars and dragons, plays 'war' with his little brother and friends. And appareantly, that's not ok anymore

[Kifazes]

May I add, that I will keep on refusing putting my kid on meds.

He clearly doesn't need them, is well behaved, know his right and wrongs, capable of saying sorry when he knows he crossed a line (but that's what kids need to do).

He can concentrate good for an 8 y/o, isn't anxious or nervous about things, is very social and pleasant to talk to. Doesn't have tantrums or burst outs.

He really is actually my greates accomplishment in my life.

I was 19 when I got pregnant of him, and everyone told me I wouldn't be able to raise him properly. And now, he's the kid you won't be embarrased about when you go out :-) Never screaming, and in a toystore or amusement part never the one to scream to get something or screaming because we're going home.

[lever.]

I agree very much with Crazedandcrazymum that you need to ask more questions of the doctors and also the teachers to see in what way they see his behaviour as outside the norms for his age. I am also in the UK and have worked in a CAMHS clinic for younger kids under 11.

If he really does have ADHD carefully monitored medication could make a big positive difference to him, but I agree that it is over-diagnosed and I would want to be sure that there is a real need for medication. I would recommend a book called The Incredible Years by Caroline Webster Stratton. Some of the behavioural approaches it recommends are not unlike the ones on "What can a parent do" on this board but  suitable for young children.

Try not to panic about the future, you are looking for help early. If your son does have a biological vulnerability you can help avoid future problems by being very validating of his emotions and talking to him about feelings and how to look after himself if he is angry or upset. The only thing I would be wary of in the Webster-Stratton book is using time out. Your son may need more help with calming himself and it might be better to go straight to a consequence if he crosses a boundary. You have lots of opportunity to teach and coach him. Look at the tools on here too, although he is young I think you will still get some helpful ideas.

[lever.]

Sorry cross-posted with you. He sounds lovely and I see that you have already done most of what I suggested.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Kifazes]

I've been talking to the doctors a lot, as to the school. They really can't give me any other answers than the ones I wrote down here.

Thank you for naming that book, I'll look for it online!

I find it upsetting that none of the doctors or school counselors, or any other for that matter can tell me exactly what it is that he needs meds.

He barely crosses serious boundaries. The only thing that he frequently does that can annoy me is waking up his brother at 6AM on weekends. But he's just an early bird, always have been. He's too eager to start his day.

He rarely gets upset about things out of the blue. When he's upset, it's because someone laughed at him or wouldn't want to play with him. But he never rages or has tantrums.

When there are things that upset him, like the fact that his dad and I don't live together anymore. But he understands that that is how it is, and that there are more families going through that. He's fine with it now.

We used to use time outs, but since they're getting older, their punishments are getting more adult (don't know how to express myself with that, so I hope it's clear :-)).

Like, if you wake up your brother at 6AM again, you will lose the right to your nightlight to read before going to bed. And when he does wake his brother up at 6AM, I follow through on that punishment. And he knows it :-) Yet, doesn't keep him from trying some times.

But am I that blind than? Are these all things I should be worried about?

Thanks for posting! (still looking for an article on McDD in english)

[Kifazes]

Could only find the Wikipedia page:

www.en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Multiple_complex_developmental_disorder