Bpd and body issues

[Pipedreamer25]

Sorry I this has been posted about before.  I wanted to ask about you guys manage your BPDs body issues.  My dBPDbf really struggles with eating disorders. He was hospitilaized when he was 19 for 6 months for anorexica.  He has recently sought support to manage some of his other self destructive coping strategies such as drug and alcohol use but now his eating disorder is how he regulates himself.  ATM he is at a healthy weight but he just sees himself as fat.

My bf is an incredibly good looking guy- he used to model and is just the kind of guy that people will stop and state at on the street. But he doesn't believe me when I tell him this stuff.  He just sees himself as huge and ugly and gets really depressed and anxious about it.  He tells me that I am a liar or will give me the silent treatment when I try to challenge him which is off because he is very receptive to discussions about problematic drug and alcohol use amongt other things.  It's frustrating how he can just snap at me about it.  I am doing my best to get him linked into support but haven't had success.  Anyone else have similar experiences?  It gets really scary when he won't eat or when he binges and gets mad at himself.  It's breaking my heart.

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[MissyM]

That is really serious.  I have a good friend that almost died from an eating disorder.  It takes some very specialized help to deal with.  Is he willing to get help?  Body dysmorphic disorder is a real problem, my dBPDh has that also but he doesn't have an eating disorder. 

[kft]

Yes, but it manifested in self injurious exercising. A couple of times he pushed himself to the point of literally not being able to walk. The way I handled it was not waiting for him to complain about being fat/ugly, because that makes it seem like pity or makes him feel weak/ashamed for having girly insecurities. I would just regularly tell him he was gorgeous. Then when he would pull up images of himself at his goal weight I'd usually remark that he looked good but a little scrawny.

Mind you, I agree with Missy, eating disorders are serious business so because my pwBPD wasn't at that level it may not work the same way.

[Pipedreamer25]

Yeah it's scary.  He is sort of at the stage where he is ready to get help again but so far throughout our relationship therapy has been really unsuccessful and I'm nervous.  In the past he has used drugs and alcohol to manage his body issues but I've been clear I won't accept this and he knows it I'm just worried about what will take its place.

[Greenmeadow]

Hi Pipedreamer25,

I have had similar experience to you with my dBPDh. He's been through anorexia to bulmia and back through again. I do agree with MissyM (though it sounds like you know this already) it's a very serious business.

It completely broke my heart too and he still displays some of the behaviours occasionally. He did 2 cycles of DBT which really helped with his ED and SI. Though I'm not sure how possible this is for you, maybe if you can get him looking at DBT or CBT as a non-specific ED therapy, but generally good for life type therapy it may be simple way to get him involved. DBT is also very mindfulness based, so perhaps even try that.

I do completely understand how you feel, the heart ache, the frustration and the helplesness and am thinking of you.

Take care x