Exhausted, frustrated and worried

[frustratedandhurt]

Hello all,

My Husband and I have been married 4 years and recently his sister, my sister in law in her 20's was diagnosed with BPD last year.  I have a background in social work and mental health and before this formal diagnosis last year I knew there was something not healthy about her behavior, she also has co occurring eating disorder. Anyways she is currently and according to her parents she is making great progress.  My SIL uses social media quite frequently and majority of her posts on Instagram and/or facebook consist of in my opinion extremely unhealthy behaviors surrounding weight loss, emotional swings ect.  Recently she posted a picture of her self harm.  I made my husband call home to check on her and there was a huge blow up.  I know that her parents are beyond exhausted with this behavior and I think are loosing the energy to stand up to her.  Also my MIL recently read a book on BPD and compares my SIL to what she read in the book.  I understand that the book is informative but each persons struggle is different BPD.

I guess the reason I am here is because I am exhausted seeing this behavior and feeling like I have to be the watchdog, not only because of my profession but also because I am the only family member that has access to her social media posts.  Additionally I feel exhausted because I feel that the family members are being passive.  Finally my husband is seeing the seriousness of the situation  so that is a little support on my side.   

I guess I could use some suggestions on how to not be exhausted by what is going on.  I want to be there to support her but I am getting extremely worn down.

[P.F.Change]

Hi, frustratedandhurt! I'm glad you've joined us. It's understandable you're feeling exhausted. It sounds like you have taken on a lot onto your own shoulders.

I guess I could use some suggestions on how to not be exhausted by what is going on.  I want to be there to support her but I am getting extremely worn down.

It is important to look after yourself, frustratedandhurt. In your post you said you are exhausted by feeling like you have to be the watchdog over your SIL. What if you don't? What would it be like to step back and let go of that responsibility?

PF

[GeekyGirl]

Hi frustratedandhurt,

I can imagine how difficult this is for you and your husband--it's never easy to see someone behaving in a destructive way. It can be very exhausting, especially when you've tried to help and feel like you need to help.

PF has a good question: what if you don't need to save your SIL? How much responsibility do you think she takes for her actions? Ultimately you can reach out to her to help, but if she's not willing to recognize that she has a problem, or is unwilling to work on herself, that's not your fault.