Disclosure Documents - Another Doozy

[Eodmava]

Hi All,

The ongoing divorce from stbexw (aka miss BPD) is reaching new lows... . well, same old lows with a bigger audience. 

Received her disclosure responses.  I am now pegged in official court documents as each of the following:

a.) Satan Worshipper

b.) Occult Member

c.) Philanderer

d.) Child Abuser

e.) Spouse Abuser

f.) Financial, Verbal, Emotion, Physical Abuser

g.) Narcissist

h.) Liar

Now - given what we know about projection... . what conclusions can be drawn here?

I can't believe her lawyer let her submit this stuff.

Mava

[maxen]

that's epic.

not to make light, but... .

[DontPanic]

Words just don't come to mind...

Wow, I know my ex thought and perhaps said that I was many of the above to her friends (aka the other victims), but *never* would have said that in court.

The judge will likely not take kindly to those statements coming from your stbex. Methinks your stbex will find that those words will work poorly for the case at hand, unless there is proof (solid proof).

[Matt]

But will the judge read the documents and see what she wrote?

You may want to highlight this somehow - make it clear to the judge what she is saying, and that she has no evidence - make sure you say, "She is making false accusations - she says X but that is not true - she says Y but that is not true... . " etc.

I've seen judges admit they haven't read a document just a few pages long, that they have had for many months... .

[ForeverDad]

I heard on the news this morning that some woman in TN claimed her mother was in a satanic cult and going to kill this woman's daughter and so she tried to stab her mother to death to save everyone from death and nuclear explosions.

Perhaps you ought to respond that you have no idea where she got those extreme ideas and request a psychological evaluation?

Side point, if she is alleging child abuse now, after a divorce filing, the question arises, Why didn't she report child abuse before?  You would saty it was sour grapes, retaliation for the divorce, posturing for the divorce.  Her only defense is that she was too terrified to speak out.  Your response is that she was not terrified to speak out vehemently to you the claimed abuser incessantly all the time, evidenced by the endless texts or emails.

[Matt]

Perhaps you ought to respond that you have no idea where she got those extreme ideas and request a psychological evaluation?

This is a great idea!

Usually I think it's best, if you think the other party might have a psychological problem like BPD, to file a motion asking that both parties have objective psych evals, like the MMPI-2.  So you aren't asking the judge to assume anything.

But in this case, you could file a motion to have the other party take an objective psych eval, administered by a court-appointed psychologist, and cite the specific stuff she filed - her own words - as the reason.  Let the judge decide if those words alone indicate that there may be a psychological problem that should be diagnosed.

It would also highlight what she wrote, if you copy-and-paste the accusations directly into what you file, so the judge will be sure to see her accusations - they will become the central issue of the case, at least for now.

[Aussie0zborn]

I expect to hear the same things when we get to that part. In two days we have a two day court hearing where my daughter and I are fighting the police issued restraining orders against us and we are applying for our own restraining orders against her and the new guy.  The police were conned and they got it wrong so I want it corrected.

As for her lawyer allowing her to submit that nonsense - this shows you the type of lawyer she has.  Don't get distracted by it - I would say its designed to unnerve and unsettle you and paint you black. I don't know about you but we have no-fault divorce here. Accusations of abuse are designed to give the accuser an extra 5% in settlement.

My stbx wife's lawyer plays dirty like this and she has inserted all this nonsense in her fighting our applications for restraining orders and to ensure the police-issued restraining orders are upheld by the court. The whole idea is to paint me black to the court and to have my daughter hear obscene stories about me.

A for my wife's new lawyer, he has served jail time for the "manufacture of a commercial quantity of a prohibited drug" before being released on appeal as the police technically made a mistake even though he was manufacturing drugs in his chemical factory. He can't get a job in a law firm and works from home with a yahoo email address so what other client can he possibly work for? These lawyers will do what it takes to make money and a person suffering from BPD makes for a good client in that the situation can be drawn out giving the lawyer more billable hours so they will allow their client to insert such nonsense.

Take it with a grain of salt and focus on the real issues.  While she is accusing you of devil worshipping she is losing sight of the goalposts.  Don't be distracted and use it to you advantage.

[ForeverDad]

In two days we have a two day court hearing where my daughter and I are fighting the police issued restraining orders against us and we are applying for our own restraining orders against her and the new guy.  The police were conned and they got it wrong so I want it corrected.

That's what I did at my second appearance for ex's DV allegations in family court.  When it got continued yet again I felt I had to document the abuse dished out on me so at least what the court considered had both sides and so I filed my own reciprocal protection petition and they were handled in parallel.

When it comes to DV and child abuse, there are seldom any consequences for false allegations.  No ones tells them to stop making allegations, after all maybe the 25th one could have something valid in it.  No one ever calls them false or lies, more subtle and passive legal phrases are used.  Generally the best we can hope for is 'unfounded'.  The typical outcome is a neutral 'unsubstantiated'.  (That's what I got after numerous allegations of every sort of child abuse - and it didn't stop the allegations.)

However, over time the other person does have intangible consequences eventually put in print - 'less credible' or 'not credible'.

[Eodmava]

Hi guys,

Well the drama continues with her lawyer constantly badgering my lawyer.  Funny thing... . her lawyer does operate from an aol.com email address.  My lawyer is a professional litigator with one of the most reputable law firms in the State.  The contrast between their approaches is stark.  My lawyer is also "the iceman" and does not allow her lawyer's or her drama to get to him.  I seriously think you could come in with a battle axe wearing a Viking costume and he wouldn't even blink.  Perfect lawyer for a BPD case.

So today I get an email from stbexBPD and she is asking for more money.  Now this "person" is spending about 8000 of my money a month... . and that is AFTER taxes.  She tells me, you make $---K so stop making all this drama about money.  She really doesn't understand that she is my EX wife and is no longer "entitled" to my money... . God, this is brutal.  You have to just keep smiling.

I also found out that she has convinced the pastor at my church that I was too harsh in my divorce filing.  Unbelievable... . she doesn't even go to church or believe in God and now this guy, who has no idea what she is really like, is taking her side in all this because his wife is buddies with my wife.  You have got to be kidding me.  Oh well.  As we said in the Army, "if you're going to be dumb, you better be tough."

[Matt]

So how are you handling all this?

[Eodmava]

Thanks for asking.  In all honesty, I can't say I am surprised by anything.  Divorcing someone with this disorder requires the suspension of disbelief because in all honesty there is no way to even mention this to someone without them thinking there must be something wrong with you.  My ex is beautiful, sweet, charming and so alluring to most men that even my pastor falls for her "poor little me" pity party of dog poop.  I've accepted my role as Darth Vader in this part of the trilogy and frankly I am embracing it.  The more assertive I become and the more indifferent I am to the knuckleheads who fall for her show, I can actually feel myself becoming stronger.  Pastor... . what a joke... . this is like the Church siding with the child abusing alcoholic instead of the beaten women... . shoe is on the other gender this time though.

It's funny, you can read splitting and divorce poison and all the other BPD books, but until you live it... . you just can't understand.

I've been separated from her now for 15 months and the divorce process in this State just drags on and on and on.  When you are an abused husband, it sure seems like the number of resources is limited.  Even my own pastor is taking her side in this saga. 

I am tired of the process.  Devoid of any emotional ties to her whatsoever.  I just want the divorce over and her put at as low a contact level as I can possibly achieve given the fact that I have two young children with her.  I'm actually thinking about starting to date again... . going to talk to my counselor and walk in ssslllloowwwwwllllyyyyy... .

One last vent: 

Just Friday night I took my girls to Chuck E Cheese for first night of my custody weekend.  On the phone later that night I hear the ex telling my 9 year old... . daddy can't buy you love.  Just because he does something nice for you doesn't mean that he loves you.  Who the heck does that kind of evil stuff?  I'm glad I heard it.  I went in to daughter's room at bedtime and told her that if I didn't have anything left, I would always have my love for her.  She smiled and said, "I know dad."  God Bless these poor children being brought up by a lunatic.

[Matt]

The slow pace of the legal process is something to be very careful about.  It's normal to be frustrated - we all are - but lots of things you may be tempted to do, to speed up the process, could be big mistakes.

In particular, negotiations go best when you ignore time and focus on the issues.  Giving the other side any indication that you are in a hurry will make them greedier and won't speed things up - might even make things go more slowly.  When they realize that they can get more by digging in their heels, that's what they'll do, and you'll make concession after concession hoping they will respond in kind, til the settlement is completely screwed up.

One thing you can do is instruct your lawyer not to agree to any delays without your OK, and to make sure to file things as soon as possible, so the process won't go even slower.

But mostly you need to focus on other stuff in your life and not obsess on the legal process.  If you obsess on it you'll do dumb stuff to try to fix it, and that won't work.