Is wife's decision BPD related?

[kfifd196]

Sorry if I've been posting a lot lately... . Just have a lot of questions and since everything happened so suddenly, I'm left with a void and a lot of questions. 

How can I tell if my wife's decision to separate and divorce is BPD related or just cause she felt things wouldn't get better?

She was exhibiting many signs before the split... .

     -She bit me the night before, was blaming me for all of the problems in the relationship, went into a rage and started hitting herself in the head and pulling her hair, abandoned our crying baby and ran out of the house, didn't trust me, accused me of cheating, always felt unappreciated and invalidadted, said I was lazy when I work 3 jobs and earn over $100k, accused me of masturbating and doing other things I wasn't, etc etc etc... . almost every day leading up to the split and has done this all several times in the past! 

She finally said she had enough and "couldn't take this disrespect from ME anymore!"  I almost choked when she blamed ME... . I agree I got mean at times, but it was after repeated verbal attacks and accusations from her.  She makes me out to be the bad guy to all of her friends and family and plays the victim then projects it on me, saying I'M playing victim!

Any thoughts?

[MissyM]

Hi, ya!  Yes, it is called projection.  She is furious that you see her for who she is now and therefore can't "trust you."  This is classic BPD.  Have you started reading the lessons?

[kfifd196]

Thank you!  Which lessons are you referring to?

[seeking balance]

Hi kfifd,

MissyM gave you a valuable tip - reading the lessons.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=56203.0

Each board has very valuable lessons that can help you as you choose a path.

Looking to the right - there is a simple 5 step process in choosing a healing path.  As you move through this (may take more time for some than others) a path of Leaving or Staying will become clearer.  As you move to the appropriate board - there are more lessons and workshops.

Posting is great, but there is a TON of resources here that can help understand BPD and our role in the dance.

Stick around, keep reading, keep posting.

Peace,

SB

[DaddyO]

I am sorry to say I have been faced with some crazy outbursts as well and Yes these are clear signs and actions of BPD, the exaggerated extremes are part of their way of being.  As soon as this episode ends you will find her to be apologetic and remorseful but what that means is that now she will be more depressed because she realized how nasty and destructive her behavior was at the same time they cant seam to control it and that also hurts their self esteem knowing that they have a destructive mean spirited side to themselves.  They know that sometime they can act crazy, they will project it on you and blame you but deep inside when she calms down and you giver her a safe loving space she will admit to it and be remorseful.

Speak to her with soft tones and kindness, draw clear lines and build boundaries as your protective walls to prevent her from running over you. Her wants needs and desires of your time and emotional devotion are endless, she is a bottomless pit give her all and it fills nothing she is never happy or satisfied. Find a way to save your own self esteem you don't deserve any of the punishment.  Its not your fault.

best of luck,

It helps me to read other postings and the related remarks, I know am not alone and that helps me cope.