sometimes i wish i was on a different board

[corraline]

you know... . the staying improving one

and sometimes i am tempted to look there

i have looked at a couple of interesting posts

but i know that keeps me longing for what i don't have and what i have made a decision myself to commit to and thats not good for me

honestly though... even though i initiated NC

i am still looking for the car to show up at my house

the email to come through

the letter

something

i guess its a process

but i find it hard to be in it.

[Aussie0zborn]

I wish I wasn't on any of these boards. But we are here and we need to deal with it. A step forward each day is a step in the right direction for healing. Have you looked at ways to put your healing on a steady course so that it can be completed sooner rather than later?

[corraline]

aussie

yah,

im going to therapy, reading lots of good stuff , took up a new cool hobby and hanging out here relating and processing

i think its a few steps in the right direction

but i find myself taking a few steps back now and then

im trying to b ok with that

[AwakenedOne]

corraline,

It's good that you have found a new hobby. I am advancing my guitar skills with a lot of practice. Easy to forget problems doing something fun. Watching comedy stuff is good also for a laugh.

[corraline]

awakened

nice

playing the guitar must be good for the soul

my brother does too

im making jewellery

forging copper and silver

hammering, filing, stamping, while listening to some cool old lps with some pretty interesting characters.



its fun

every friday night.

yeah!... . gettin a life again

[Jb2003]

Good for you corraline! Keep it up! It makes my heart smile to see people getting better on here. It gives me hope that I can do it too. I know it seems so bleak at times... . But the further I get the less I want to go back and the more I realize that... . I am a great guy... . Someone will love me back... . I deserve to be happy and I know that that person is waiting for me.  I have quit smoking, lost 7lbs and have 3 Italian lessons under my belt... . I move forward at the best pace I can manage though I will admit the path is still stained with tears. It seems the hardest part for me is not the letting go of what was but the letting go of the dream of what could have been... . especially at night... . But eventually I know that these feelings will fade and I have you guys and this support to thank... . because if I am being honest with myself ... I don't think I could have done this alone.

[corraline]

jb

good for you too !

we'll get through this.

[Jb2003]

Thanks

[growing_wings]

hi corraline,

i know waht you mean. Sometimes i read those boards to remind me how difficult is to maintain a r/s with a pwBPD. it is a huge effort that is high risk, as it does not matter how much love you pour into the r/s, the pwBPD can leave suddenly without us being "guilty" for it, or us being able to do anything about their actions.

it does get easier with time ... .  

[Cimbaruns]

Corraline

The steps forward... . the steps back... .

I have been steadfastly NC for 3 months... . I know for me the r/s is over... . no more recycling... . no more thoughts of what if and maybe... .

The FOG... . I still go in and out no matter how busy I am or how much I counsel... .

The bottom line I truly believe ... . is TIME

and with that being said... .

I am trying very hard not to wonder... . just when things will get better... .

I'm just trying really hard at letting it flow through me... . all the pieces of what I need to feel to detach fully... .

Sometimes just when I think I've hurdled a stage, I realize that I revisit it at a later date

I just keep working on myself ... . that's the most important part

I am right with you coralline ... . stay strong