Life perspective...

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

It is wild how my perspective has changed probably since October, a couple months before the b/u of my 3+ year r/s with uBPD/NPD ex gf.  I left a final T counseling session where my ex gf was projecting and just rewriting history.  I had been through 2 or 3 recycles in that previous year on top of dealing with my daughter's eating disorder (10 day hospital stay), my Mom's Alzheimer's diagnosis and my brother's alcoholism and admittance to rehab.  Then came the final b/u in early December and the roller coaster of emotions ever since.  I have continued T, which I started about 2 years ago and have really dug into my own issues.  Met a fantastic non PD lady and am slowly starting a r/s (friendship and possibly more).  Felt some triggers while being with my new lady friend connected with feeling vulnerable.  Dug into that in a great T session this week to help me separate feeling vulnerable and clost to someone from the trauma and pain of my past r/s and from the r/s with my late alcoholic father.  Painful to deal with, but so liberating!  Then, I got the good news that my ex gf is moving from my street due to the rental house she's living being put on the market.  All great stuff!

Well, one thing I've noticed with living in the present and being true to my feelings is that I am even more so aware of what is going on in my life and with others around me.  That is an interesting place to be for a "recovering people pleaser".  It makes even more clear that I need to be good to me = self love and acceptance = I can then be my best for the ones I love.  I couldn't do that the way I was living in the r/s with my ex gf.  I tried to convince myself for 3 years that my needs could come second.  That was a lie and was hurting me and others in my life.  I will never go back there and will work to maintain the gift of self awareness, love and acceptance that I found in all the slop of healing and detachment.

Today, I found out that my brother is drinking again.  I had a feeling that there was something wrong over the last few weeks and had voice that feeling with my brother and with some of my siblings.  He is 2000 miles away and things are blowing up.  I'm extremely concerned about my brother and his marriage.  I must now be strong, real and present.  Even in the face of this struggle, I will do what I can to help while taking care of myself.  I'll have faith that things will work out, even though I have no control.  Now I get to live the hard lessons I've learned through all of this... .

[Madison66]

It is wild how my perspective has changed probably since October, a couple months before the b/u of my 3+ year r/s with uBPD/NPD ex gf.  I left a final T counseling session where my ex gf was projecting and just rewriting history.  I had been through 2 or 3 recycles in that previous year on top of dealing with my daughter's eating disorder (10 day hospital stay), my Mom's Alzheimer's diagnosis and my brother's alcoholism and admittance to rehab.  Then came the final b/u in early December and the roller coaster of emotions ever since.  I have continued T, which I started about 2 years ago and have really dug into my own issues.  Met a fantastic non PD lady and am slowly starting a r/s (friendship and possibly more).  Felt some triggers while being with my new lady friend connected with feeling vulnerable.  Dug into that in a great T session this week to help me separate feeling vulnerable and clost to someone from the trauma and pain of my past r/s and from the r/s with my late alcoholic father.  Painful to deal with, but so liberating!  Then, I got the good news that my ex gf is moving from my street due to the rental house she's living being put on the market.  All great stuff!

Well, one thing I've noticed with living in the present and being true to my feelings is that I am even more so aware of what is going on in my life and with others around me.  That is an interesting place to be for a "recovering people pleaser".  It makes even more clear that I need to be good to me = self love and acceptance = I can then be my best for the ones I love.  I couldn't do that the way I was living in the r/s with my ex gf.  I tried to convince myself for 3 years that my needs could come second.  That was a lie and was hurting me and others in my life.  I will never go back there and will work to maintain the gift of self awareness, love and acceptance that I found in all the slop of healing and detachment.

Today, I found out that my brother is drinking again.  I had a feeling that there was something wrong over the last few weeks and had voice that feeling with my brother and with some of my siblings.  He is 2000 miles away and things are blowing up.  I'm extremely concerned about my brother and his marriage.  I must now be strong, real and present.  Even in the face of this struggle, I will do what I can to help while taking care of myself.  I'll have faith that things will work out, even though I have no control.  Now I get to live the hard lessons I've learned through all of this... .

[Surnia]

You are dealing really with a lot - I am so sorry, Madison. 

Sending you strength. Keep going like this:

It makes even more clear that I need to be good to me = self love and acceptance = I can then be my best for the ones I love.

[Madison66]

Thanks, Surnia!

My family really stepped up yesterday to support my brother and his wife.  My brother was in rough shape and he was hitting bottom.  The good news is that through a family intervention, he is entering rehab tomorrow.  I will not take full credit for what went down, but I will say that I listened to my gut and followed my instincts of how to help my brother.  He now has to do the work to overcome his addiction and I am at peace with that. 

This all reinforces the greatest life lesson I learned since the b/u of my uBPD/NPD ex gf: I must take care of myself to be the best I can be for those that I love.

[arn131arn]

Sounds like you're doing great, bro. It's amazing when life slows down, you can see things you maybe missed before. Like the lady on the side of the road with a flat, the girl behind the counter at the burger joint that needs a smile, or a family member that may need your help!

Awesome to hear about your brother getting help tomorrow. I'm glad you stepped up to help him. As an alcoholic, that's the ONE thing I always had trouble doing was asking for help.

We're egomaniacs with inferiority complexes! Lol!

I wish him well on his road to sobriety... . sending prayers for you, your brother and ya'lls family!