How to deal with triggers and memory recalls

[Our abuse recovery guide]

Being a fairly new member here, I'm wondering how do others best work through those nasty triggers and the memories that come out of nowhere? I had a major trigger a week ago and then a significant memory recollection a day ago. When the triggers come, I'm becoming more aware that they are triggers much sooner than I used to, and I remind myself, "This is just a trigger; you can get through it" and I try to avoid those situations in the future if I can.

When it comes to the memories just hitting me out of the blue, those that I've hidden for 30+ years, sometimes I'm right there, back in time re-experiencing it. I have to remind myself, 'they are only memories' to help take away the intensity. Other memories, while of a negative and painful situation, they help to give me another piece to the puzzle of my life, making it possible to see a little bit larger picture each time, even though uncomfortable. They  also help to validate me and the abuse I'm determining has been a part of my life, that I'm not making this up. Rather than stuff the memoires, I let them come when they will. I don't like them, but it's part of the healing I know.

[Woolspinner2000]

Being a fairly new member here, I'm wondering how do others best work through those nasty triggers and the memories that come out of nowhere? I had a major trigger a week ago and then a significant memory recollection a day ago. When the triggers come, I'm becoming more aware that they are triggers much sooner than I used to, and I remind myself, "This is just a trigger; you can get through it" and I try to avoid those situations in the future if I can.

When it comes to the memories just hitting me out of the blue, those that I've hidden for 30+ years, sometimes I'm right there, back in time re-experiencing it. I have to remind myself, 'they are only memories' to help take away the intensity. Other memories, while of a negative and painful situation, they help to give me another piece to the puzzle of my life, making it possible to see a little bit larger picture each time, even though uncomfortable. They  also help to validate me and the abuse I'm determining has been a part of my life, that I'm not making this up. Rather than stuff the memoires, I let them come when they will. I don't like them, but it's part of the healing I know.

[AsianSon]

Hi Woolspinner2000,

I am also quite new to this site, and I came across Workshop Tools regarding memory and "ruminations" that was helpful to me.  Maybe it is helpful or interesting to you as well. 

Hopefully, this link will work

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=103396.0

Successful healing to us both!

[P.F.Change]

Hi, Woolspinner2000,

You ask a really great question. I think a lot of us deal with triggers and memories of abuse. I think it is good that you are able to do some self-talk to remind yourself that what you are "old stuff"--it isn't happening now. Remembering and re-experiencing the abuse we've been through is an important part of the recovery process. I think what you are describing fits in with Step 4 of the Survivor's Guide. (If you haven't already, look over in the right margin, and you can click on each step for a detailed description.)

AsianSon pointed out a great workshop on ruminations, which can be a bit of a hazard during this stage. We do need to re-experience each set of memories as they surface, and process them so that we can move to the next stage. If we start noticing that we automatically return to a memory over and over, that we simply can't stop thinking about something in particular, we may be ruminating. That workshop has some helpful tips for how to deal with that.

I saw a therapist to help me learn to deal with certain situations that triggered anxiety in me--they were pretty everyday scenarios, and it was interfering in my life. She used EMDR, and I found it very helpful. I highly recommend having professional support in place as you work through these feelings, both because they can be intense, and also due to the risk of getting stuck in rumination. Based on the self-talk you are doing, it sounds like you may already have a therapist; is that the case?

I think it is also important to plan for self-care when you encounter triggers. For me, that might include something small, like slowly enjoying a bite of chocolate, or taking some deep breaths, or something bigger like taking time to journal or exercise, or just really be mindful of my surroundings and the sensations in my body. You might find some good information in this workshop: TOOLS: Triggering, Mindfulness, and the Wise Mind.

Are you able to focus on the emotions and physical feelings you experience when you are triggered? Do you know how the trigger relates to the trauma memory?

Wishing you peace,

PF