should i tell uBPD sis about deaths in family?

[beatup]

We have had 3 deaths in family this past week... .

should I tell my sister about them? and if so should I tell her now or after the funerals?

[coraliesolange]

You know, my crazy mom has refused to tell me about deaths in the family in the past.  I refuse to do what she tells me so she finds whatever control she can grasp onto.  It was cruel.  I know your sis may be a tough person to deal with, but try to imagine how you'd feel if somebody withheld such important information. (Wow I have no idea where that almost compassion came from... . I'm usually so hateful about this disease... . )

[Sitara]

My uBPD mom had also kept secret when my grandparents died, some until well after the funeral because she didn't want me to go. It was hurtful.

Should she be told? Probably. Does it need to be from you? No. Why wouldn't your parents be the ones to break the news? Also, if you are already NC, then I don't think you should be the one telling her and you should keep up your NC. Or if you've got boundaries in place, I would suggest telling her in a way that does not break your boundaries.

Sorry to hear about your losses this week. 

[Deb]

I wrestled with this question when my father died. Ultimately, I called a mutual friend, who knows I am NC with my sister, and left a voicemail that our father had died and that it would be in the paper in 2 or 3 days if she wanted to know details. My sister did not come to the funeral, much to my stepmother's relief.