Abusive insults

[Our abuse recovery guide]

both of my parents are BPD.

right now, I am very antsy and have a lot of anxiety. I am now in my late 20s and have to deal with the verbal abuse from my father calling me an old "bat". he often refers to my mother and I as that. my parents have issues with their marriage and whenever he is upset or in one of his crappy, evil, sadistic moods, he'll say that he sick of us "bats". this has caused great  anxiety, frustration and anger inside of me. currently I am desperately looking for work and looking to possibly relocate. I just cannot deal with this anymore. it causes me to go into a deep depression.

then I have my mother who fears abandonment and wants me to stay in this environment. I want to get grow wings and fly away. I want to be able to date, marry and have a life of my own. the fact that she gets angry, or sad at this reality causes me to get even more upset.   I have not told her that I have plans of never contacting her or my father once I am established. deep inside, I have never forgiven them for the rejection, pain, and hurt they have caused me. I truly feel as though they have messed up my life with the years of abuse and holding me back. my mother threatened to cut off contact with me when I wanted to go off to college at age 18 and since then it was a downward spiral. I stayed home because the thought of not having anyone to help me was terrifying. she spent the majority of her time abusing me, provoking arguments and instilling fear... . and dad blamed and called me a failure for not leaving.

where am I going with this post? I don't know. I just need a place to vent, a place to receive support. 

[kharma]

both of my parents are BPD.

right now, I am very antsy and have a lot of anxiety. I am now in my late 20s and have to deal with the verbal abuse from my father calling me an old "bat". he often refers to my mother and I as that. my parents have issues with their marriage and whenever he is upset or in one of his crappy, evil, sadistic moods, he'll say that he sick of us "bats". this has caused great  anxiety, frustration and anger inside of me. currently I am desperately looking for work and looking to possibly relocate. I just cannot deal with this anymore. it causes me to go into a deep depression.

then I have my mother who fears abandonment and wants me to stay in this environment. I want to get grow wings and fly away. I want to be able to date, marry and have a life of my own. the fact that she gets angry, or sad at this reality causes me to get even more upset.   I have not told her that I have plans of never contacting her or my father once I am established. deep inside, I have never forgiven them for the rejection, pain, and hurt they have caused me. I truly feel as though they have messed up my life with the years of abuse and holding me back. my mother threatened to cut off contact with me when I wanted to go off to college at age 18 and since then it was a downward spiral. I stayed home because the thought of not having anyone to help me was terrifying. she spent the majority of her time abusing me, provoking arguments and instilling fear... . and dad blamed and called me a failure for not leaving.

where am I going with this post? I don't know. I just need a place to vent, a place to receive support. 

[coraliesolange]

Bats are the only mammals capable of continued flight.  What are you waiting for?  Use your wings!

[GopherAgent]

kharma... .

It's a good thing you can express your desires to want to be on your own.

Yes... . Fly away and move on. Since you are in your late 20's, you have the ability and drive to care for yourself. You can do those things on your own and be successful at them.

Yes... . your parents are abusive and you must remove those threats from your life. Simply wanting to move, go to college or have friends, etc. is a sign that you are wanting more for your life. This is a normal desire and definitely an achievable goal. But those who say negative things about you can't stop you from moving forward. Only you can. You know they are abusive and you know for sure that this will most likely not change in the immediate future. But you can change your future. You can live somewhere else. You can get a job. All of these things are attainable and realistic. What is not realistic is the abuse and hurtful words.

So, how can you start? Do this. Put a stake in the ground (so to speak) and use that as a marker. Recognize that today you will move from that marker and put in an application somewhere... . look on line at new places to live, etc. Then continue to move away from that marker and on to new things. Once you get a job, or a new place to live, you can look back at that marker and measure your progress toward a new and exciting life that you are in charge of.

kharma... . Move on and fly away! You can do it!

[clljhns]

Kharma,,

Just wanted to chime in here with a bit of advice. You said that you still live at home. I imagine, but could be wrong, that you don't have much privacy when using the computer. I would suggest that you go to a library or a friends house to look for other jobs outside of the area, and places to live. Be very careful about what you search for, as your parents may be looking at your internet history. Just want to help you avoid another opportunity for your parents to rail at you. My mother used to let herself into my sisters house with the key she had and look at my sister and husbands mail. She would even listen to the messages on the machine! Then, she would pick a fight with my sister and bring up her personal business that she had looked at in the mail!

Another suggestion I have, if you already have your degree, you might want to check into teaching English in another country. Be very  careful where you choose, because some places don't honor contracts and don't tell you about things like having an exit plane ticket when you arrive, in order to get a Visa. Some countries have crazy rules. I don't know if you have considered the Peace Corps. They offer many opportunities and will pay for room and board. If all of this seems too overwhelming, do you have a relative that lives out of state that you trust? Perhaps this might be an option to help you get grounded while you are working on establishing yourself. Don't do anything that doesn't feel right to you at a gut level. You will know if this is the right time to move on.

I understand your fears and I had these very fears for almost 40 years of my life before I felt strong enough to move on. Whatever you decide to do, I am sure that you will make the right decision! Be confident!

I don't know if you have ever seen the movie The Labyrinth, but I love the line at the end of the movie, "You have no power over me!" When the young girl says this, she dispels all of her fears, and finally steps into a new stage of development, young adulthood. Love this line. It was one of the things that I repeated to myself many times after I went NC because I still had a lot of negative messages playing in my head.

Much peace and many blessings!