false allegations

[Eco]

Ok so its been a nightmare this past week, the final order has been signed and my ex has turned up the crazy to 11. last Mon 3-31 14 my ex scheduled a dr apt 1 hr before my visitation time at 3, she was 25 min late and refuses to make the time up. I get my daughter and get in my car and it wont start so im broke down in her driveway she calls the police on me because I didn't get my car towed away fast enough  the police show up right as the tow truck did so no issues.

on wed the 2nd I show up for my visitation at 3 and my ex says that she will not hand my daughter to me any more and wants to put her in the car seat, its more controlling behavior by her so I call my lawyer and my lawyer tells me to compromise and let her do that. my whole thought process on this is I cant give my ex a inch or she takes 10 miles. I let her put my daughter in the car seat and my daughter starts crying , im able to get her calmed down and we leave. when I bring her back after I say goodbye to her I have to put her down in the front seat because my ex wont let me hand her over to her and again my daughter was crying. she never cried during our exchanges in the past, I told my ex that this is not good but she didn't care.

yesterday (Friday)she sunk to a new low and accused me of molesting my daughter, saying that its weird that I change my daughters diaper when I only have her for 2 hrs on mon and weds and that something must be going on. I have the whole conversation on tape and she knew I was recording. I also have all the texts after that confrontation, she got even more upset when she realized I was recording her.

my ex is on her vacation and is causing me to miss 6 days of visitation for 20 hrs. she has been warned by my lawyer that if she doesn't try to make this time up she will be in contempt. my ex says she will not make up the time because she doesn't have to, her lawyer has had it with her and told my lawyer in confidence that if she goes in for contempt she is on her own. he was helping her pro bono.

she is doing anything and everything to keep me from my daughter, my goal is to get primary custody from her for my daughters safety. its going to take time to build a case for that and I need to protect myself from her. these false claims are very serious



 

[marbleloser]

Great job on recording!

You my friend,have a great case for primary custody.You need to keep documenting and recording.Her willful custodial interference is going to be her undoing. Not sure how long it's been since the papers were signed,so you may have baby step your way.

Why are you just getting a few hours visitation? Are you not getting any overnights?

You have to fight these claims if they go to court. You also need to prove alienation,which is why you keep documenting and recording.

[livednlearned]

Like marbleloser said, her willful custodial interference is going to hurt her.

It's a double-edged sword, that you and your D have to experience harm in order to get further along in your custody goals. The process is painful, exhausting, and expensive, but if you document these behaviors, things can turn in your favor.

It's possible that her lawyer will withdraw from the case, too. The problem with that is it could create continuances and delays that work against you.

Also, about the false allegations. Did she contact child protective services to investigate the claim? If she makes these allegations and does not act on them, that could seriously damage her credibility.

[Eco]

Not sure how long it's been since the papers were signed,so you may have baby step your way.

Why are you just getting a few hours visitation? Are you not getting any overnights

The order was in effect on march 1st 2014 and they were just signed last week because my ex was dragging her feet with signing them.

the judge put a 3 phase process in place, 1st phase is from march 1st to june1st 2014 its every mon and wed 3 to 5 pm and every sat and sun 2pm to 6 pm. phase 2 is june 1st 2014 to jan 1st 2015 every mon and wed 3 to 5pm and every other weekend sat at 2pm to sun at 6pm. phase 3 jan 1st 2015 every wed 3pm to 5 pm and every other weekend fri at 6pm to sun at 6 pm.

It's a double-edged sword, that you and your D have to experience harm in order to get further along in your custody goals. The process is painful, exhausting, and expensive, but if you document these behaviors, things can turn in your favor.

I hope so , its very draining and all the documentation is like a part time job I have to go over and analyze everything she does and says so I can be prepared and stay a step ahead. but my daughter is worth it.

Also, about the false allegations. Did she contact child protective services to investigate the claim? If she makes these allegations and does not act on them, that could seriously damage her credibility.

not to my knowledge, I think she is worried about the possibility of being looked at as well.

its amazing how sick her thinking is, she actually wanted me to bring back a dirty diaper to prove that my daughter needed to be changed.

[marbleloser]

Documenting is like a second part time job,for sure. In time,you'll learn what to document and what not to worry about.

For the most part,documenting should take 10-15 minutes ,or less, per day.

[livednlearned]

its amazing how sick her thinking is, she actually wanted me to bring back a dirty diaper to prove that my daughter needed to be changed.

It is challenging to not be triggered by BPD behaviors, but it will help you be a good dad, and keep you grounded in the years ahead if you can keep her actions and words in perspective. Read everything you can about BPD -- it will help you detach and that will make it easier to get off a roller coaster of reactions.

Also, when you get warning signs like this, listen to them. She is winding up for a false allegation, and that gives you time to prepare and figure out how to be a step ahead.   

Ask your lawyer if you should do anything proactive, like contact CPS to ask them if you should file anything in advance of her taking this to the next level.

[david]

I have an audio recorder with me whenever ex will be near. School meetings, doc appointments, etc. I turn it on before I get out of my car. I say the time and date, put it in my pocket, and get out of the car. When I get back in the car I drive several blocks before I turn it off. I also have a video camera in my car at all times with two fully charged batteries. I only communicate through email which helps with documenting. It's second nature to me now.

[ForeverDad]

If this is the final order, then what my lawyer told me may apply:  "Courts often aren't very concerned with Contempt of Court cases during the separation/divorce process, they know tensions are high and emotional wounds are fresh and sensitive.  However, once the final order is issued, they expect the tensions to subside and if Contempt of Court is determined, it is taken much more seriously."

That she's immediately causing problems will be concerning to the court.  If your lawyer wants to head back to court to report that her continuing behaviors merit a review of the order and place limitations upon her, that's a good thing.  Being passive with her would just encourage and enable her cause even more problems and obstructions.

[Eco]

It is challenging to not be triggered by BPD behaviors, but it will help you be a good dad, and keep you grounded in the years ahead if you can keep her actions and words in perspective. Read everything you can about BPD -- it will help you detach and that will make it easier to get off a roller coaster of reactions.

thanks L&L I don't even think its BPD or NPD anymore I feel like she is more of a sociopath then anything given how cruel and cutthroat she has become.

Also, when you get warning signs like this, listen to them. She is winding up for a false allegation, and that gives you time to prepare and figure out how to be a step ahead.  tongue 

great advice im actually trying to be 3 steps ahead now

Ask your lawyer if you should do anything proactive, like contact CPS to ask them if you should file anything in advance of her taking this to the next level.

I did and she recommended to wait for now and said that if she tells anyone about these accusations I could sue her for defamation. how am I supposed to know that its not like im in her circle of friends.

That she's immediately causing problems will be concerning to the court.  If your lawyer wants to head back to court to report that her continuing behaviors merit a review of the order and place limitations upon her, that's a good thing.  Being passive with her would just encourage and enable her cause even more problems and obstructions

thats exactly my thinking as well and im trying to get my lawyer on board with that

[SamsungUser86]

Reading this makes me thankful I never had kids with my future diagnosed BPD wife. I can't imagine putting a kid through so much stress. I hope everything turns out okay for the OP.