I just need to get this off of my chest.
Three years ago my nephew was killed in Iraq. My sister and I had NC with our parents or older sister at the time. My sister insisted on contacting my oldest sister and having her join us to receive his body when he was flown back to the states. I made the contact for her and my oldest sister sounded normal. She was grief-stricken and even stated how glad she was that I was there to provide support to our sister.
Arrangements were made for her to fly into Delaware and meet us there. When we picked her up from the airport, I went in to get her, and she began to wail loudly in the airport. My first thought was, "Oh, God. This was a bad idea." I put my arm around her neck and pulled her close to me and told her to calm down. She stated that I was right and our meeting was not about her, but my sister and her family in their time of grief. And there it was. She admitted that she wanted this reunion to be about her. I had no idea what was to come.
When my sisters united in the vehicle, they both embraced, and I felt that I had misjudged my oldest sister. I thought that perhaps she could put her needs aside and support our sister. I was soo wrong. When we arrived at the hotel, the military had assigned a minister to council the family. He was really there for my nephews mom, dad, and siblings. But, no. My oldest sister immediately cornered this man and monopolized his time. She then told my sister that this was too hard for her and she didn't know if she could do this. Do what? She hadn't lost her son. She then cried to my sister that all she could picture was her son in the casket. I was furious! I couldn't believe that she could be so thoughtless and callous.
The next morning, I am sitting with my sister and her husband. We ate a lite breakfast, and were just talking when my oldest sister walked in. She came to our table and looked our sister and said "Will you go make me a waffle?" and then walked away from our table. We just stared at each other and I said WTH? Did she really just ask my sister to make her a waffle? My sister was reeling from the grief of loosing her son. I was stunned. My sister got up and made the waffle and then brought it back to the table. We waited for about 15 minutes, and my oldest sister did not return. Later that night my oldest sister told us that she had to go to the janitor's closet in the hotel to cry. She was crying so loudly that a maid stopped and asked if she was okay. What? In the closet? Why didn't she just go back to her room and cry there? More histrionic behavior.
The next morning we went to meet the plane carrying my nephew and several other soldiers who had also lost their lives. My nephew's wife and child were there. My nephew's daughter wanted me to hold her and would not let go of me the rest of the day. This infuriated my oldest sister and she attempted several times to get this small child to come to her. I think animals and small children can sense danger, and she knew that my oldest sister spelled trouble.
Needless to say, her antics continued throughout the day, to the point that my brother-in-law called me at one point and told me to come back to the hotel and get my oldest sister away from our sister before he hit her. I couldn't even enjoy a meal with my other nephews and wife of my late nephew. I had to leave immediately and distract my oldest sister, so that she would stop telling our sister all about her problems.
The last morning together, my oldest sister made a point of telling us all about her marriage, health problems, and then accused my ex of abusing her son. I couldn't wait to get away from her.
When we returned, my sister decided not to invite our oldest sister to the funeral in another state three days later. I received a phone call from my oldest sister demanding what the f*** had she done that was so bad that she wasn't invited to the funeral. While I normally would have told her to take this up with our sister, as this was her decision, I knew she wasn't in any state to handle this kind of outburst. I attempted to tell her why she made this decision, and she said that none of it happened and that we just hated her. That we had always been jealous of her. She then sent me emails demanding to know why she wasn't invited. I did send her back an email that recounted everything that she had done. She responded with "didn't happen".
I just don't understand how she cannot see her own actions. It wasn't just me that saw these behaviors, many people witnessed this. She denied it all. How crazy can you be? How wrapped up in yourself must you be to do these things and then deny them all?
I just needed to get this off my chest. I still can't believe what she did. This is only one instance of many in our lives that I experienced with her. I don't see any hope of her getting better and changing her behavior. For that matter, I don't think any of my sisters, my brother, or parents will ever be well enough for me to have a loving and peaceful relationship with them.
Sorry for going on and on, but I do feel somewhat better! I think I just need to vomit all of this up!
Thanks for listening!
