Seeing therapist

[cron65]

I am seeing a therapist today. My exBPD keeps contacting me but I have gone nc. Please help me in what I should say to the therapist. I need to move on from her but each day I am consumed with her memories, her face, everything.

I need to get her out of mind. What can I ask the therapist to help me with this?

Please help... .

[ConverseHome]

I think it's terrific you are going to see your therapist. Mine has been very helpful, but it also hasn't been easy. That is, for me at least, I have had to be very committed to looking at myself, and what is it in my own past that kept me obsessing and, at times, idealizing a relationship and a person who so profoundly hurt me, and who also has abilities to distort, split, and devalue like no one I've ever met.

For me, at least, my own contribution in this relationship has to do with my own co-dependency issues, and my T has helped me understand this better. My compulsive need to fix, and my need to feel like there must be something wrong with me. Now, these are my own issues rooted in my childhood (I'm in no way implying they're yours). Rather, my suggestion would be to look beyond the here and now with your ex, and to reach further back and ask your T to help you explore your own past and how that's now informing your present reactions and longings.

This has really helped me, and I have found that the recent recycle I just went through was much easier to recover from, as I have used it as an opportunity to self-examine further, rather than dwell too much on my ex, whose behavior is so bizarre and which, frankly, I can't either control or change (big, big step for me here to realize this). When I compare where I am now to how completely devastated I was in January with her moving out, etc., I realize that I have made progress, and the obsessions and self-flaggelations on my part have diminished significantly.

Take good care of yourself!

[charred]

A therapist will want to know why you are seeing them, what you hope to accomplish, and how you are doing in general.

They eventually ask you for your life story... your narrative of how you got to where you are today. Talking to a T should be easy, they listen well and are usually pretty nonjudgmental.

You mentioned moving on from your exBPD, but are having a hard time... if your therapist can direct you to mindfulness you may find your stress and rumination coming under control. Took me a few weeks but my stress level went from having hives and fearing a heart attack, to the most relaxed and laid back I have ever been... . that alone made the T worth it to me.

Mindfulness is being present in the moment... not ruminating and depressed about the past or anxious about the future. It is a good first step toward a better place.