Is it possible, that after years of learning to communicate with my BPD...

[almostez]

Is it possible, that after years of learning to communicate with my BPD partner, that my skills communicating with non-BPD's could be negatively affected?

I am looking for hard data, precedence, Studies if possible.

I have lived with a partner who is admittedly BPD for 4 years. It has been wonderful at times and absolutely terrifying at others.  We split up last year but got back together 6 months ago because she started putting in work.  I noticed we were communicating better, much better (for a while).

For the last 2 years I have noticed that when I try to explain something to a non BPD, they usually look at me like I spoke another language. We spent a lot of time together so I am curious. Could I have forgotten how to communicate effectively to non BPD folks from spending too much time trying to modify my language so she could understand it?

We are apart now and I feel pretty good about it but I simply cannot seem to get my point across when trying to explain something to someone other than my BPD partner. I simply need an answer so I can work on this terrible handicap. I taught college classes up until 2 years ago so at one point I was really good at it; what happened?

Thanks,

[BuildingFromScratch]

This could be due to trauma too... . I would think healthy communication with emotionally validating things such as... .

"I understand why you feel that way, but"

"I appreciate that, but"

"Thank you, but"

"I'm sorry you're upset, but I need XYZ"

You know just being emotionally considerate, I would assume these things would be good for communication to most people... . I really have no clue though, because I didn't read up on BPD until after the relationship and I don't know what you mean exactly.

[Mutt]

I would suggest redirecting your question on the parenting board? They should have experience with communicating to a BPD, then rearticulating with non-disordered folk.

[HappyNihilist]

For the last 2 years I have noticed that when I try to explain something to a non BPD, they usually look at me like I spoke another language. We spent a lot of time together so I am curious. Could I have forgotten how to communicate effectively to non BPD folks from spending too much time trying to modify my language so she could understand it?

I'm still re-learning how to have a conversation without constantly validating and ego-stroking and "walking on eggshells." It's insidious the way even my most basic modes of expression were influenced.

I personally believe that skills learned in communicating empathetically with a disordered person will improve your overall communication with people. But you have to wean yourself of some things.

Could you maybe give an example of how you would explain something? That might help you and us understand a little better.