When codepency fell and detachment began.

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

I have been on a long road of recovery and getting out of my situation. For those who haven't read my posts I have been living with my ex BPD for 3 years after our relationship ended, totaling 8 years. He caught me at 17 years old. He was 18 his-self at the time. He always act as though we were getting back together, last summer i told him I was moving out, after one of his episodes , i was tired of doing this and with two young children. I thought he would be very angry and have a tantrum. Suddenly, he was begging for me to stay. He switch back and forth from loving and begging, to calling me names and hating me. I never heard so such hate. then he jump back to love. I tried twice after before I was right back at DONE. It doesnt feel right, how can you say you trying to get back together for 3 years and aren't back together yet. He did have infidelity is why the broke up exists but that... of course is not what happened according to him. His infidelity was talking to other women and carrying long distance relationships. I never had any proof of anything more. Until a few months ago

My biggest problem was detaching. It so hard not to do for him and help him. I still wanted to go. I wanted to move closer to family 2.5 hours away but changed my mind becusae I felt bad he would not be as close to kids. he kept saying I was selfish and putting things in my head. He had me were he wanted me.  As time went on I was still doing everything around the house for the kids, fulltime work with 10 hr shifts, and going to school. Instead of helping me , he was expecting me to help him as well. Thats when I was getting overwhelmed. He has a gf in 10 hours away but lies and says he doesn't but i read his stuff I know, (I even drove him there, sad, I know. ) He later told me he was moving to SC. So, in his head its okay for him to move away from his kids but its not okay for me to move them...   Not to mention two hours is driveable and 10 hours, not so much. So I was cool with staying here and keeping my place. But then I realize it would so much more better to have help and support. I wanted to move back to family. What happens next? You guess it, he changed his mind, he wasn't moving. But I didnt change my mind, and then a fight. I began to start to feel bad agin. I posted on it but I really wasn't changing my mind. I started to wonder how did he really feel about his kids, he was always loving dad, but he wasn't helpful around the house for them . I work nights and I come home in morning my daughter school work wouldn't be done. There are responsibilities as a father that he didn't live up to.

Being snoppy, I read messages. His gf was afraid she was pregnant and he was willing to move there to take care of her and the baby. Thats when he said to me that he was moving and was going to marry is "friend" for tax benefits. I thought to myself. Wow, thats how he feels. I asked God and he delivered. Our kids were a pawns to him. Its one thing you can't have with a BPD, is empathy. Though they dont have it, they can pick it out in you and use it against you. He used the love of my kids to try to keep me in his desired location unless his gf was involved. Literally, nothing or no one else mattered but her. And thats when the true detachment began. Some people may look down on snopping, but honestly it is a great tool to help yourself get out. They lie alot and they seem genuine and when you read text or emails , you see whats behind that mask.  You see how shady they are.  I read things that made my stomach turn. He truly doesn't care about me and he uses me. What really got to me is not only does he use me but our kids and my family. BPD don't think like us and we keep  in our head at points that he has to feel this or that. They dont.

Think of this, we try so hard to detach ourselves from people who constantly and have no issue with detaching from us. The further you understand the more you notice their tactics. You see deceit and no longer see the person as you once did.

[lettinggoletmego]

I have been on a long road of recovery and getting out of my situation. For those who haven't read my posts I have been living with my ex BPD for 3 years after our relationship ended, totaling 8 years. He caught me at 17 years old. He was 18 his-self at the time. He always act as though we were getting back together, last summer i told him I was moving out, after one of his episodes , i was tired of doing this and with two young children. I thought he would be very angry and have a tantrum. Suddenly, he was begging for me to stay. He switch back and forth from loving and begging, to calling me names and hating me. I never heard so such hate. then he jump back to love. I tried twice after before I was right back at DONE. It doesnt feel right, how can you say you trying to get back together for 3 years and aren't back together yet. He did have infidelity is why the broke up exists but that... of course is not what happened according to him. His infidelity was talking to other women and carrying long distance relationships. I never had any proof of anything more. Until a few months ago

My biggest problem was detaching. It so hard not to do for him and help him. I still wanted to go. I wanted to move closer to family 2.5 hours away but changed my mind becusae I felt bad he would not be as close to kids. he kept saying I was selfish and putting things in my head. He had me were he wanted me.  As time went on I was still doing everything around the house for the kids, fulltime work with 10 hr shifts, and going to school. Instead of helping me , he was expecting me to help him as well. Thats when I was getting overwhelmed. He has a gf in 10 hours away but lies and says he doesn't but i read his stuff I know, (I even drove him there, sad, I know. ) He later told me he was moving to SC. So, in his head its okay for him to move away from his kids but its not okay for me to move them...   Not to mention two hours is driveable and 10 hours, not so much. So I was cool with staying here and keeping my place. But then I realize it would so much more better to have help and support. I wanted to move back to family. What happens next? You guess it, he changed his mind, he wasn't moving. But I didnt change my mind, and then a fight. I began to start to feel bad agin. I posted on it but I really wasn't changing my mind. I started to wonder how did he really feel about his kids, he was always loving dad, but he wasn't helpful around the house for them . I work nights and I come home in morning my daughter school work wouldn't be done. There are responsibilities as a father that he didn't live up to.

Being snoppy, I read messages. His gf was afraid she was pregnant and he was willing to move there to take care of her and the baby. Thats when he said to me that he was moving and was going to marry is "friend" for tax benefits. I thought to myself. Wow, thats how he feels. I asked God and he delivered. Our kids were a pawns to him. Its one thing you can't have with a BPD, is empathy. Though they dont have it, they can pick it out in you and use it against you. He used the love of my kids to try to keep me in his desired location unless his gf was involved. Literally, nothing or no one else mattered but her. And thats when the true detachment began. Some people may look down on snopping, but honestly it is a great tool to help yourself get out. They lie alot and they seem genuine and when you read text or emails , you see whats behind that mask.  You see how shady they are.  I read things that made my stomach turn. He truly doesn't care about me and he uses me. What really got to me is not only does he use me but our kids and my family. BPD don't think like us and we keep  in our head at points that he has to feel this or that. They dont.

Think of this, we try so hard to detach ourselves from people who constantly and have no issue with detaching from us. The further you understand the more you notice their tactics. You see deceit and no longer see the person as you once did.